5 Ways to Build Confidence in Others
The people around you lose confidence in themselves. You have the ability to build them up. Consistently build them and they achieve. Persistently tear them down and you undermine them and yourself.
Visiting our grandchildren:
Visiting our grandchildren has a side benefit; I enjoy four hours in the car with my wife.
During the trip, I asked her if she approached our visit with a strategy. She said, “Yes, I want to make them feel special.”
Building up:
I followed up with, “How do you make them feel special?”
- I watch them.
- I listen to them.
- I play with them.
- I enjoy them.
- I give things to them.
Application:
People who feel “special” live with higher levels of confidence. Confidence is a component of achievement. Making people feel special is a powerful leadership opportunity.
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How do you make people feel special?
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Happy fourth Dan. Very appropriate post for a day when we all should feel a lot of confidence and feel special ourselves for all the great gifts God and country have bestowed on us. The freedom and liberty we enjoy would not be possible were it not for the sacrifices our armed forces have made to “make us feel special.” How can I make others feel special? By trying to emulate our soldiers and be there for family and friends unconditionally no questions asked and provide support without being asked and standing ready so that at a minute’s notice we are prepared to help and assist. Human capital is the greatest gift of all and we receive it every day from our troops so the least we can do is pay it forward as our way of saying thank you.
Dear Dan,
I appreciate the entire five points suggested make someone to feel special. I do the same. I believe in providing full information, clarify their confusion, and align their strength to their goals. I appreciate when they do something positive and better. Even when they do something wrong, I explain the implication of that act and guide them to do right. The most important part of making someone feel special is listening. When you listen, you understand the others position and that is the important part of encouragement. Encouraged people are motivated and motivated people feel special. The feeling of special usually comes when we recognise or reward the person. It means psychological needs play greater role to make others feel special. This is great lesson for the organisation that focuses more on monetary measures. People need identity, respect and recognition. And these things make people feel special.
Building confidence in others is often building independence in others so very topical today Dan. Maybe too, it is interdependence! It is true that confidence requires regular tending, otherwise, entropy happens and the spiral goes down not up. With interdependence, because of those connections, perhaps we can attend sooner to when confidence begins to wane. Might shorten your 5th point Dan, just to ‘I give to them.’ Giving without expecting to get, always good too!
Happy July 4th!
I agree with the great comments alrady made and would add: ‘I show them I care in ways I discover that mean something to them.’
I love this post! If you check out the blog that I just started http://laevens.wordpress.com, you will see that my first blog post is entitled “Confidence”. My husband and I were just talking about this. At the end of this school year, another teacher stopped by his phys ed. office. She stood and stared at the huge collages of pictures he has of our family and of his students and athletes. She said to him, “wow, you really make people feel special”. When he asked what she meant, she said that everyone in the school knows how much he loves his family and when he puts the students pictures up with the family pictures, it really shows them how important they are to him.
family
Dear Dan,
Making others feel ‘special’ is an art which can be learnt and practiced with simplicity in mind. Mixing up with children especially calls for bringing back childhood in you and enjoying the company of theirs by becoming one of them. It’s a terrific pleasant experience and one of the best ways to relax and throw out negativity of life.
Children are the gifts of Gods and seeing a smile on their face is something we, all elders, should strive for.
I like your linking everything with positivity.and looking for things that encourage you in your professional goals. Dragging even wife in this self-motivating process if appreciable.
Great point Cinnie – it’s about them not us & what means something to them. I’m also thinking that no one would object to us paying attention to them, so in that sense it will work for everyone.
When I read Dan’s post it reminded me of Susan Scott’s concept of ‘fierce attention’ – paying fierce attention to people – which I guess is what we mean when we talk about being present.
Hi Dan,
For me being special carry a feeling which is beyond expression. Its just boost your moral, increase your motivation, enhances your energy & enthusiasm all together. Being special makes one realize of its worth specially at the point when the person is very low. it fills a person with immense amount of positivity which in turns plays a greater role in the his/her overall success. making someone feel special do not need any great effort. a timely appreciation, a word of thanks, a little recognition of the work, an applaud can create a miracle. I make other feel special especially to those whose contribution are generally overlooked by thanking them for there work & timely appreciating there hardship.
Thanks Dan! We (my wife and I) were discussing the same topic this weekend. I think your post is a confirmation for us that making conscious efforts to notice and pay attention to others around us is something we want to pay attention to. Lisa wrote a nice post on Saturday: http://blada.wordpress.com/2011/07/02/a-bad-habit-to-break/
I like your list, Dan. I would add 2 things to it.
6. I acknowledge them for what they’ve done and/or who they’ve been. Acknowledgement is a powerful gift that let’s them know they’ve been “fiercely seen” as Jo put it.
7. I support them when they are down on themselves by defending who they really are and what they are really all about. I’ve noticed that an ally who is supportive is invaluable when the negative self talk starts. It’s about giving a balanced perspective.
As always, I am inspired by your blog and share it with the parents of our region of The Hyde School, as well as the entire school staff. After all, leaders are not born, they are nurtured! Thanks again for a great post.
Keep em coming!