Forget Thriving Just Survive
It’s unrealistic and foolish to think you’ll always thrive.
Sometimes just making it is enough.
Dennis N. T. Perkins, author of, “Leading at the Edge,” did a lot of things well until Plebe Year at the Naval Academy, then he couldn’t do anything well. It’s designed that way. His goal – survive.
I asked Dennis what he learned during Plebe Year. “I could do tough stuff,” slipped off his tongue. It’s a phrase easily said but learned in distress and hardship. Adversity teaches you things ease knows nothing of.
Success affirms, adversity reveals. T.S. Eliot’s wisely said, “If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”
Adversity’s classroom always touches the soul. Adversity, stress, and pressure according to Perkins, teach us our:
- Limits.
- Strengths.
- Weaknesses.
Leaders blindly press forward in agony – victims of ego, stubbornness, or fear – when they don’t know their limits, can’t see their strengths, and won’t acknowledge their weaknesses. Worse yet, their ignorance makes others suffer. For example, leaders who don’t own their weaknesses never leverage the best in their teams.
Adversity is a mirror, if you dare look. Dennis said, looking back on his Plebe experience, “I had tenacity.” The benefits of adversity don’t emerge till after, when you rest and see yourself. Thinking back – self-reflection – enables leaders to move forward with new confidence and competence.
Leading yourself through adversity enables you to lead others. The roadblocks are bitterness, anger, denial, fear, and blame. Gateways include faith, vulnerability, honesty, and courage.
The times when you don’t thrive – when you just survive – reveal and make you. Welcome hardship when it comes. Great leadership emerges from the fires of adversity.
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What lessons has adversity taught you?
What suggestions can you offer those currently in the fire?
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Adversity has taught me that only the very fortunate few learn in this period of their lives. The most blame the world for their misfortune.
Hi Eddie,
Some of us are slow learners. I’m one. I kept doing the same ineffective things over and over until finally, one day, I said, “This isn’t working.” That was a new beginning for me.
You have my best,
Dan
Advice?
Think back on other tough times in your life when you have survived a rough patch. “If I could make it through that time, then I know I can also handle this.”
Know that there is always an end to a tough time. They don’t go on forever.
It takes only a couple of challenging times for you to realize that you will grow and learn the most from the tough times. No one likes them…until later when they reveal your strengths.
Dauna Easley
Hi Dauna,
Thank you for dropping in again.
Resilience is born in adversity and grows over time as long as we aren’t crushed by our hardships.
Sadly, sometimes people just give up…
You are so righr, we don’t wish for adversity BUT when it comes it makes a difference.
Best,
Dan
Creativity. Flexibility. Grace.
I have to try things in new ways when resources are depleted.
I learn that it’s OK – and necessary – to veer from plan A.
I loosen my judgmental grip on others who are just surviving.
That Eliot quote is powerful. Apparently I’m very tall…rrg…
Hi Naomi,
Thanks for your comment. Your last sentence made me smile … 🙂
It’s interesting that adversity can both soften and toughen at the same time.
Best,
Da
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for this posting today.
I read your articles every day but todays especially resonated with me. Going through a challenging time right now as a leader and your article was a great reminder.
Love the quote from T.S. Elliott:
“If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”
You have my best while you work through current challenges.
I put this post on my blog. Thank you for writing it.
Glad to be useful… cheers
I have always found adversity to be a tolerable companion in life for some reason or another. I think it has taught me to embrace the things in life I didn’t like and work out why, try and put the shoe on the other foot and wear it for a while to gain another perspective …..
What if you just embraced
The things in life you didn’t like
What if you told yourself
In this living today I will find delight
What if you changed your perspective
Put the shoe on the other foot
Turned a blind eye to all that is wrong
And allowed your mind to view a different route
What if the things that caused you frustration
And made you feel you had no control
Could be handled in another way
So you didn’t feel like your power had been stole
What if you just decided
Today you really wouldn’t worry so much
You’d let go of the reins, all of the pains
And no longer hold the position of judge
What if then you do find
When you really, really finally let go
The things that you were holding on to
You actually were never in control
And what if just by doing this
Your mind begins to relax and unwind
And the perspectives that you gain
Open eyes that were truly blind 🙂
Adversity will teach us so much if we allow it to. Some people rather not find out just how tall they really are. Thank you for this great post.
No one likes being in the crucible, but if we make it through with our character intact then we have stories to share with the next generation of leaders. We need to be able to teach them that adversity is a question of when, not if. How many don’t survive because it was too hard or they didn’t want it enough? When the rest give up, our surviving becomes more like thriving.
I agree that there are times when just surviving is enough and not being too hard on yourself as a consequence, however, I think that you have to watch that you don’t stay in that mode too long as it can become the norm and a slippery slope at that.
You can tread water to stay a float but at some point you will have to swim to safety (move forward with purpose), be rescued (by accepting help from your support network) or you will risk sinking without a trace.
Shackleton didn’t sit and try to survive, he orgainised the people he left behind,gave them a vision and hope then struck out with a plan and got there through determination and true grit.
There is a line in the movie “In Harm’s Way” that stuck:
“All battles are fought by scared people who would rather be some place else.”
Many leaders become leaders because they think they can do everything themselves and take others with them. Adversity can help them see that the real challenge is to find how to leverage the strength of the entire team. I think you really bring out this important point. Glad to find your blog.
Glenn
I’m off to by the book Dan this resonates so strongly. Great art comes from adversity. I do think some of the great fas we have seen in business is because they don’t know how to pick themselves up. Love the TS Elliot quote. I think adversity taught me humility, I don’t recommend it for anyone what I do suggest is that nobody should fear it – put to good use it can open your eyes to strengths you never knew you, or others, had….
Power over others is even more defining. President Lincoln said, “Just about any man can stand adversity, but if you truly want to test his character, give him power.” Hope I quoted accurately. It is disheartening how so few pass that test anymore…
I really enjoyed this post. I look back on my career (to date) and realize that I have learned much more from struggle and failure than from success. I love the idea of “failing smart”. Life is about taking changes, making mistakes, and thankfully having the opportunity to course correct and make it better.
Dear Dan,
Adversity phase has taught me to realise the ground reality that earning money is not easy and I need to adopt to better ways of working in my own professional area and listen to all for their advisory comments.
Have good patience with tolerance, need to have good persistent efforts and practical
approach to pass through a difficult phase. Also, keep good trust in the Almighty and seek His blessings Also, look for better opprtunities with extra zeal to secure a financial stability.
I understood the real value of my wife as a true companion to be on my side with full support and fueling goood optimism to face the adversity without loosing the self-esteem and energised focused efforts.
Only one advice to those who are currently in the fire is that be practical and understand the reality situation, and look for a an alternate source of stability without ignoring health. Seek the God’s blessings and keep cool. The difficult phase will pass off if we make every day productive with positivity.
Thank you so much Dan. I always read and tweet your posts but this one came in handy. Adversity. Just what I needed to hear right now.
Great post. I agree, learning to be compassionate to myself and not expect to build Rome in a day has been challenging but very helpful in situations where I am on a learning curve.
When I taught kindergarten, there were days when success was simply “nobody lost an eye and everybody went home with the right parent.”
I’m still working on patience… as in, when will this learning curve be over?! I’m exhausted already!
Lol