How to Dig Out of Holes You’ve Dug
New dreams call for new behaviors. What worked in the past only digs holes in the present. Start again, but don’t resort to default behaviors, imagine new.
Past behaviors worked in the past, but you’ve changed and so has the world. Old strategies and methods won’t fulfill new dreams.
Old bag:
During stressful situations you reach into a well-worn back of tools – default responses. Defaults invisibly fit your grip. They’ll work again, you believe.
Default responses blind to new possibilities.
Two year olds get what they want by kicking and screaming. Leaders, who haven’t grown up, reach in their tool bag and pull out default responses of anger, for example.
Negative defaults:
The following strategies worked for you in the past.
- Pushing harder rather than stepping back.
- Anger rather than openness.
- Blame rather than responsibility.
- Attack rather than collaboration.
- Stubbornness rather than flexibility.
- Defending rather than listening.
- Explaining rather than exploring.
- Withdrawal rather than reaching out.
- Taking things personally rather than focusing on issues.
- All or nothing rather than progress.
Don’t let default responses bury you.
New dreams require new tools.
Imagine:
Ask someone who is in default-mode to imagine other responses and they go blank. Addressing defaults:
- Invite someone to tell you what you look like when you’re in default mode. Better yet, ask them to talk/act like you so you can see it. (Fasten your seat belt.)
- Forget solutions; explore strategies. Stop solving the problem and examine the way you’re solving problems.
- Uncover desired outcomes. What are you really after when you default to your default responses? Is it what you really want? What do you really want? Get that.
- What do your default responses say about you?
- How would someone you admire deal with situations you’re in?
What default responses do you see in others? In yourself?
How can leaders escape default responses that are holding them back?
Well solving problems with the same mind that created them is just silly!!!! Don’t be silly think outside the box.
We are in the most exciting time in the history of the world. Do not believe me? Go watch Peter Diamandis Ted Talk and tell me how terrible you think things are.
What technology is gonna do for all of us is staggering.
Ok new stuff for the toolbar. Learn from these people
Simon Sinek, Bob Chapman, Peter Diamandis khan academy for education
Familiarize yourself with Customer Centric selling. People Centric Leadership
Go to the edge, see what is coming, it is amazing. Don’t watch the news for your reality. Remember people will share bad news much more than good. Well the folks that report news follow the nature of the human being reporting what people will watch!!! Makes economic sense gets ratings.
Dump all that old thinking, it is pretty much useless although comfortable. As time goes on all that what I call “So Eighties” thinking will become increasingly clearly useless as time goes on.
Change is absolute so learn to do what was suggested in the language a lot of the people who follow this blog understand. Not sure what the exact quote is but something about wearing the world like loose fitting clothes.
For everyone else not jiggy with that language be flexible and will to adapt at the drop of a hat when the paradigm shifts and they always do!
SP Out!
I’m always amazed that we go to the people who created long-term problems to solve them. We do the same with ourselves.
Which of the 5 suggestions do you find most useful/difficult?
Always a pleasure Scott.
Great question!!!
I like number 5 because I like to find others who have accomplished what I want to accomplish and copy what they think said and did.
Why waste time trying to figure stuff out which I may or may not do? Just copy what someone else who got the result I want did.
Back to the edge for me!!!!
Have a great one Dan. I Am.
SP
Thanks Scott.
As I learned more about leadership and working with others, I realized that I must become more patient, more understanding, more empathetic, and more resilient. But what I’m really learning to do now is to be a real listener and thinker. Being more open to other perspectives and ideas helps us to really think and apply learning to new circumstances. Adopting a collaborative mindframe helps us achieve our goals successfully. When we think about the big picture and put our objectives in perspective we will be able to utilize more effective strategies than those we resorted to in the past.
Thanks Tagrid. A real listener and thinker. I think you’re on to something.
It can be challenging to be open to other perspectives because ours is “right.”
Cheers
Leaders fall into the pit of thinking that they can dig out of that hole they dug. It’s the “fix it” mentality. It doesn’t work usually, because we can’t see the forest for the trees. It generally takes new, fresh eyes. What happened? Where was the breakdown? Was it my fault?
The problem? Pride.
I’ve found many leaders struggle with this because pride gets in the way and blinds them from reality.
Powerfully said, Colby. I’ve been in the pit of thinking I can dig out by myself many many times… After all “real” leaders go it alone! hahahaha.
Cheers
Love this post, Dan. My favorite point is that we sometimes (read: always) have to step back and remind ourselves what we’re REALLY trying to accomplish. Personally, my ego sometimes gets in the way of real objectives. I’m learning more and more to listen for the initiative and excitement of others and hand projects over to them. Is my objective to grow my own reputation or to grow a successful team? Growing my own reputation isn’t a team effort; if it is, I’ll find myself before long without a team at all!
Our problems grow immune to the solutions we’ve developed. You’re absolutely right; new dreams require new solutions.
“Our problems grow immune to the solutions we’ve developed.” KaPow!
It’s fascinating to ask someone what they are trying to accomplish when they push people away or feel angry…
The one that challenges me the most is asking someone to talk or act like we talk when we are in default mode… that one scares me.
Yet we reelect politicians, especially U.S. Senators and Congress Members over and over-then we blame them for and ask them to solve the very same problems they created. It’s human nature to turn to leaders and follow somewhat blindly. Only when it gets really bad to we realize that maybe they are leading us wrong and astray…
Reminds me of the quote misattributed to Einstein: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.
BANG HEAD HERE… 🙂
Thanks Michael. Glad stopped in today. Cheers
Dear Dan,
I agree with default response of people. I also believe that people generally prone to follow negative response. I think, people use similar words in default response. I also feel about myself. I am aware and keep on trying to add some new skill and behaviour. I feel something missing when I repeat same thing or similar activities for long time. I have seen unsuccessful people have default responses. They have strong inertia. They do not want to change. They also believe that whatever they think is right and others are wrong. They do not want to accept that they can also be wrong. I think, their incompetence and lack of awareness about the world and people hold them back for such behaviour. And unless the people introspect about their behaviour, it is impossible to adapt new behaviour.
One of the things you mention is our default responses are prone to the negative. Very challenging. For certain, the negative defaults are the ones we must deal with. It’s also true that some of the things I do well have been born out of learning new responses. Perhaps listening before talking is one of my most important. And being a talker, it’s a challenge.
Making it impersonal has usually worked very well for me. Too many managers make it about expectations and when a problem is bigger, the solution is not what they envisioned, or they don’t get exactly what they asked for they tend to go to those “default responses”.
I always push to get what I want in negotiations, and sometimes talking to project teams or developers is a negotiation, but I will take any progress over nothing at all. I’m often surprised how the art of the compromise is often lost in contemporary business practices.
Very interesting Rob. It seems default responses are often about people… we react toward something we don’t like or want to overcome. So glad you joined in… thanks
I needed this …
Me too Brent.
Hmm funny. I know this is supposed to be about business and for me it usually is, but I can’t help but think this may serve me even better as a parent of school aged children. 2,6,7 and… all the other ones.
A rare print out in my low-paper life. Will let you know the outcome later on 🙂
Cheers
Leadership principles apply to life… 🙂 Looking forward to hearing how things go… best wishes
“Ask someone who is in default-mode to imagine other responses and they go blank.” … ahhhh, how true is that? You’ve interrupted their hole-digging, and it messes with their head.
My experience shows it’s pretty true. It’s surprising that in certain situations – where people have deep default responses – smart people can’t imagine other ways to deal with issues.
“Let someone speak/act like you do when you are on default mode!” Now that is a classic. TRUE epiphany indeed. That one really hits home always. It ain’t easy being a leader/coach nowadays especially if you’re still stuck on old strategies of doing things.
Thanks for sharing Dan!
If you do this, they better know you real well and you better trust them. I’m not sure I’m ready for it…. 🙂
Thank you for this Dan. People seem to try to dig back up, which doesn’t make sense. Try digging sideways to change the road that was already traveled… I like!