Solution Saturday: Can’t Get a Word in Edgewise
Dear Dan,
Our small work group has many discussions. In these discussions people talk over each other and vie for the opportunity to share.
I feel uncomfortable interrupting. When I don’t jump in, sometimes my teammates feel I am not involved.
Do you know of discussion protocols that could support sharing without the feeding frenzy approach?
Thanks,
Reluctant to Interrupt
Dear Reluctant,
The greatest opportunities of leadership are about us, not others. The idea that you are sometimes perceived as “not involved” is the most important aspect of your situation.
My first suggestion is get clear on who you want to be. After that, bring your best self to this situation.
- Think about who you want to be, before thinking about what you want others to do. Avoid the first inclination to expect others to change. Their “over-involvement” troubles you, but your “under-involvement” troubles them. Begin with you.
- Explore new behaviors that might take you where you want to go. Talk things over with a mentor or coach.
- Reject advice from people who seek to take your side, rather than advance your career or make the situation better. Openness takes your further than entrenchment. Those who take your side, help you justify yourself, rather than explore options.
- Try being involved with your team by having one-on-one conversations before or after team meetings.
- Formulate a few questions before meetings begin. Interrupt by asking questions that create clarity or move the ball down the field. “Jimmy, what’s important to you about that suggestion?”
- Suggest, to the team leader, a workshop that enhances teamwork.
- As a general rule: Get on other people’s team, before asking them to get on yours.
After you approach this situation from a personal viewpoint, explore what you want from others. My initial suggests are not intended to minimize the role of other teammates in successful communication.
You have my best,
Dan
Thanks to Facebook friends and fans who offered great suggestion for “Reluctant” to consider.
What suggestions might you add for, “Reluctant to Interrupt?”
What a great question … I am leading a Board through a strategy planning session in a couple weeks and I worry about the same thing – I want to be a great facilitator of innovation and creativity that ultimately results in very specifics goals and objectives for this group over the next few years. At the same time I want everyone to feel heard and valued – I took some time to talk to the Board Chair (and all other Board Members) during small interviews prior to the main event to understand what it is that they would like to see in the context of a planning session and what they would suggest as a means to ensure every one is heard and understood. Almost unanimously they told me to used time blocks for topics and to be sure to gently move from one person the next – they recognize that some will occupy the floor. I feel by approaching them in advance and seeking advice humbly from the Chair I will have their support during the 2-Day session …
Thanks Perspect. Your prep-work will add benefits. The thing I hear in your suggestion is get agreements on how teams want to communicate. This might include dealing with talkers, the quiet, interruptions, and/or how to bring conversations to tangible conclusions.
I’m glad you shared your insights.
Dan, Perhaps introducing a time line to the group. Each member presents for a designated time to allow all members for imput. After the individuals have completed the group could offer insight on the meetings intended discussion, promoting input from everyone.
Thanks Tim. That’s very practical. You got me thinking about a moderator/leader of the meeting. It’s great to have the team define the moderator’s role, responsibilities and authority. It’s also possible that the moderator is a junior member of the team, who has been trained to moderate.
Dan, For sure, we have to have some type of protocols to promote input from each member allowing equal time for input, at the same time encouraging all to participate. The moderator would then follow up with a overall group review perhaps with highlights of critical items breaking out what the goal is.
One can get involved only if you can listen intently to what others say and be able to paraphrase their perspectives skilfully before you can either build on their points or pose questions to clarify their positions further.
Self-awareness of what you hope to achieve at the meetings and social awareness of the on-going dynamics of the people around you are crucial to being able to do so.
Thanks Albert. I suspect that “Reluctant” is a good listener. Your suggestion might be an expression of play to your strengths. The suggestion to interrupt by asking a question is built on the same principle. Thank you for your insights.
I think the question from the reader really was asking if you could share some protocols that could make the meetings more productive in terms of reducing the need to interrupt as members vied for their turn in the conversation. I find this to be a problem more in conference calls than I do in face to face meetings, but personalities and listening skills (or lack thereof) can definitely make it hard for all to be heard in a meaningful way. Some suggestions might be to have pre-determined time limits for speaking, an “order” of speaking, and a facilitator who ensures all participate which will make the conversations more orderly. Other protocols might include Round robin discussions, Asking questions instead of making statements, Peeling the Onion (with a set of prompts to focus the conversation), Save the Last Word for Me, etc. When people talk over each other, they are often focused on their own thoughts and less on what is being said by others; perhaps thinking they won’t be heard if they don’t interrupt, leaving others who are less assertive out of the conversation. Here are a couple of links to some school protocols I have used that might be adapted to the conversations in which one might participate in other settings.
http://learningforwardkansas.org/learning-resources/facilitation-guide/ http://www.schoolreforminitiative.org/protocols/
Thanks Vicki. You are exactly right. I’m so glad you added these useful insights. Combined with the suggestions on Facebook, Reluctant should have a bucket full of possibilities. Thank you for joining in and extending the conversation. Much appreciated.
Good post and good comments. Balancing involvement and spontaneity and “control and process” is important to optimizing outcomes. Everyone needs to be involved, so moderating and calling on people who may be more introverted or slower processors / aggregators of information can also be beneficial.
The key for my facilitations is that, “Nobody ever washes a rental car.” – Everyone needs to have a stake in the final decisions.
Getting there is the challenge and opportunity. Balance and perceiving individual reactions is helpful.
.
I’m reading a book titled “Yes, and…” written by the folks from Second City (comedy troupe in Chicago), this small two word phrase affirms others while providing an opportunity to step into and expand the conversation. They use it for brainstorming and expanding ideas for the show. Fascinating something so simple, can be so powerful.
Thanks Rob. YES… There is power in “going with” vs. “going against.” I often see adversarial relationship that are unnecessary because we don’t know how to say Yes, and. Glad you jumped in. Have a great week.
Dan, the opening comment that “our work group has many discussions” could be another clue. If those discussions are random and meandering, the behaviors mentioned wouldn’t be surprising at all. Even scheduled meetings without a clear purpose or agenda can be counterproductive. The idea of a moderator indicates a purposeful discussion where staying on point, setting direction, and generating action items are important. Purposeful meetings are reminiscent of your admonition to focus on what’s important, while random, meandering discussions tend to be unproductive distractions.
Dan,
Thanks so much for all of the wonderful guidance that you provide for us. I have grown from reading your blog. I also want to state that I am truly blessed to have a CEO and Mentor that wants his employees to be all that they can and especially with his Senior Leadership team. He has put us through the Hermann Brain training so that we know how to communicate better and has implemented the EOS way of thinking. The EOS (Entrepreneurial Operating System has changed our lives – for the better. We now have meetings that are productive and we get issues identified and solved. I have never been a part of something that really makes an impact like this training. We have what is known as “Level 10” meetings weekly. It is the heartbeat of our business. I recommend this process to anyone that wants to make a difference in their business. We used Ken DeWitt (www.dewittllc.com) to train and guide us with this process. It has proven to be a winner!!! I hope this helps anyone that wants to make a difference in their business… And I do not get any kickback and I am not affiliated with the EOS business – I am just part of the product results.
Thanks…
Donna N.
I am soft spoken and sometimes find it difficult to get a word in edgewise in the types of conversation you are talking about. When I do people often take notice – perhaps you are in a similar situation.
Some people talk in order to think. Are you able to think independently of talking? If so then you can inject clarity into the chaos and guide the team toward an outcome.
Good luck.