One Thing You Must Do Today and Every Day
If you can only do one thing today, connect with your team.
Performance requires connection.
7 reasons for weak connection:
- You don’t like them.
- Bad memories create distance. You let someone down so you avoid them. They let you down so you rule them out. You had a tough conversation that makes connection feel strained.
- You need to know-all and solve-all. Fear that you won’t be able to meet every need, solve every problem, or answer every question prevents connections. If you get too close, they’ll see your weaknesses.
- You can’t say no. The prerequisite to opening your heart is the ability to say no.
- Frantic schedules and conflicting agendas.
- Power and authority give permission to stand aloof.
- They’re self-centered soul-sucking back-stabbers.
Avoidance establishes distance.
7 principles of avoidance:
Avoidance accounts for weak teams, negative environments, and lousy results.
- You get what you avoid. If you avoid problems, you get problems. If you reject connection, you build silos. If you hide your heart, your team becomes passionless.
- Avoidance sets the height of the bar. Every issue you sidestep becomes your future standard of attainment.
- Tolerance is passive avoidance.
- Blameshifting is protective avoidance.
- Silence is permission. The things you don’t bring up continue.
- Avoidance empowers destructive energy.
- A blind eye is space for negative stories.
Connection defeats avoidance.
Commonality:
Commonality bridges distance.
I met a man from Maine before a recent presentation. I’m a Maineiac too. We raved about Maine lobster. I’ve forgotten most of the names I learned in Baltimore, but not Joe from Maine.
Stories reveal commonality.
Every leader needs to know the formative stories for everyone on their team.
Connection begins when you say, “I know what you mean.”
Shared experiences, goals, purpose, vulnerability, strengths, or values are ground for connection.
What causes leaders to avoid connection?
How might leaders connect today?
“Every leader needs to know the formative stories for everyone on their team.”
Bingo!
Once you know ‘the story,’you, the team member, and the team are empowered at/for/with each interaction.
Agree 100%.
Dan,
Avoiding connections is like making excuses, if you do what we are supposed to do we wouldn’t make excuses, “to busy”, overwhelmed at this moment”, “don’t have time” so I see planning as a key factor, allow time for the connections.
Connecting be as simple as a phone call, just top catch, “haven’t seen you in a while”, really doesn’t need to be complex as we make it.
Hi, Dan.
Avoidance sets the height of the bar. Every issue you sidestep becomes your future standard of attainment.
It is often easier to avoid an uncomfortable issue. “They respect what you inspect”…if something is important, the leader needs to commit to help stakeholders realize the importance of the work. Too often, leaders “talk the talk” without “walking the walk.”. It is a true gift when one has a leader who engages and models for others to follow.
Great reminder, especially for us introverts. I have to make myself walk the halls daily to greet the members of my team. Connection is so important!
Agree, I get so busy behind the computer that I forget about everyone else. Sometimes I hear someone laughing and it reminds me that they are my job not these reports and e-mails. So out to the floor I go. One thing I have learned is if I go out there and they stop laughing I need to find out why. Most likely its something I did. Thank you
Funny, a lot of the 7 principles of avoidance are also accurate when it comes to raising kids. Great post today! I think finding commonalities with your team is one of the first steps in becoming a (great) leader.
Love this post! Definitely one to keep and refer back to from time to time.
“Every leader needs to know the formative stories for everyone on their team.”
I like this as a get to know them conversation starter. I am more naturally a numbers person rather than a people person. It is with great intentional effort that I interact often with my team. Sometimes I find myself trying to start conversations by sharing something about myself hoping they’ll in turn tell me something about themselves and we’ll find the commonality. Often I walk away realizing that I talked about myself and learned nothing about them. I need to change my approach to more questions as conversation starters so they understand that I want to learn about them rather than just having someone to talk to about me. I think asking about their formative story is a great place to start. Thanks!
7. They’re self-centered soul-sucking back-stabbers.
I laughed so loud I snorted!
Interesting. None of the organisations I’ve worked in have been the least bit interested in anyone’s formative story. Your skills list and your publication list, but beyond that they didn’t care whether you’d come out of a cardboard box fully formed. In fact, some places were actively disinterested.
A cause of avoidance is that you can’t answer the questions: people come to you and say they’re massively under-resourced, for instance. There’s only a certain number of times you can tell them you feel their pain but can’t do anything about it before it gets really tired. You feel like not telling them and worse still, they stop asking.