How to Nudge People Toward Dragons
Opportunity often knocks before you’re ready.
A brief dialog from the movie, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, illustrates the power of “nudges”.
Frodo Baggins: “Before you (Gandalf) came along, we Bagginses were well thought of. We never had any adventures or did anything unexpected.”
Gandalf: “Indeed. If you’re referring to that incident with the dragon, all I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of the door.
Frodo Baggins: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the peace.
Nudged:
If you’re fortunate, someone “nudged” you.
Remember the first meeting you led? The first tough conversation? You wanted the opportunity. You needed a nudge.
My first public presentation was to a high school assembly. I was sixteen. I only THOUGHT I was ready.
How to nudge:
#1. Ask people to do things they haven’t done.
FIRSTS are exponential growth moments. Usually growth is gradual. Sometimes, like learning to ride a bike, it’s frightening.
You grow when you do something for the first time.
#2. Instill confidence with 4 questions.
- What qualities do you have that will serve you well in this new challenge?
- How have you succeeded with challenges in the past?
- What do past failures warn you to do now?
- What does support look like to you?
Don’t simply tell people what you see in them. Ask them what they see in themselves.
#3. The secret to growth is feedback.
Two nudge-lessons from my first presentation.
First, I was too foolish to know the principal was giving me this opportunity because he was committed to my future. I needed to hear, “I want you to succeed.”
Second, I didn’t receive feedback. Perhaps silence was perceived as kindness. It wasn’t.
Timely feedback stabilizes growth and expands potential.
How might leaders nudge people out the door?
What might a growth-feedback plan look like?
Feedback is the kindness and most loving thing we can give people. Silence, I believe, is intended as kindness of the part of those being silent but, as you state, it is not perceived as such by the recipient. Feedback shows you care enough to engage.
Thanks McSteve. I think if there’s a feedback plan in place BEFORE the challenge it makes it easier. After you’re done, let’s debrief. What would you like me to ask you? I’d like to ask you?
If you plan the questions before the challenge it’s more natural to have the discussion afterwards.
Dan,
in my past teenage years a Foreman stated “come with me and I will Teach you” at the time he needed a driver to start with, the rest we developed. So based on the discussion today, set someone down and tell them your vision and how they will get there?
I never looked back, there were no regrets!
So be straight forward with your intentions for someone and what your willing to offer in exchange for their capabilities and how far they can grow.
Have the individual visualise seeing themselves in the situation, feeling their fears and strengths before the leader nudges them out of the door.
This is spot-on advice, Gerry…. playing the situation through in your head before it happens is one way to build courage.
One of my former bosses acted with certainty that I could lead something I’d never done before. He showed no reservations about putting me in a new situation and showed complete confidence.
Sometimes, when people act like you can do something, you start to believe it yourself!