SATURDAY SAGE: 7 Good Things About Skillful Quitting
Quitting is pathetic, impulsive, and caving in. It results in a storm of defeat. Or at least that’s what people think.
Familiar stories:
- An eleven-year-throws his ball glove on the ground, “I quit”.
- An employee feels overlooked for a promotion, and says, “I quit”, and walks out.
- Amateur golfer, double bogeys three times, “d * * * * t, “I quit”.
The myths of quitting are nothin’ but a bunch of baloney!
Get ready. Skillful quitting rocks your world.
Skillful Quitting:
“Of all the strategies, to know when to quit is the best”. Chinese Proverb
The myths of quitting show up unexpectedly. They stymie you from moving forward. Skillful quitting is the bravest decision of your life.
Chasing your passion too long is wasteful. Originally passion was associated with pain and suffering. Don’t let passion harm you.
People applaud grit and determination, but these skills are suspect when making life decisions.
“I’m not a quitter,” is risky business. Stubbornness blocks your willingness to quit. Lurking behind stubbornness, you find vanity and arrogance.
More is lost in victory than defeat.
7 Good things about skillful quitting:
- Freedom to pursue new directions
- You realize that your “passion” was only an interest in something
- You admit that it’s not working
- Frustration vanishes
- Self-confidence returns
- New decisions are energizing
- Abandon your one-track mind
4 Myths:
Myth #1:
“Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” – author unknown
Winners are the very best at quitting. Losers lose because they aren’t willing to quit. You wanna win? Then don’t be afraid to cash in your chips and ask for a new hand.
Myth #2:
“If you quit once, it becomes a habit. Never quit!!!” ― Michael Jordan
Skillful quitting isn’t habitual quitting. It’s a line in the sand that says it’s time to change direction. You won’t know when, but skillful quitters know why it’s time to change.
Myth #3:
“It’s always too soon to quit!” ― Norman Vincent Peale
Don’t let grit fool you. Skillful quitting is the fastest route to new discoveries.
Blind determination is a crap shoot. Explore quitting when you feel irrelevant, boredom fills your day, goals keep changing, and you constantly feel worn out.
Myth #4:
“Quitting is the only failure.” ― Brajesh Kumar Singh
Stubborn attitudes are harmful.
When a new attitude shows up, skillful quitting usually deserves the credit.
Holding on for too long brings negative results. There are times when quitting is the right thing to do.
“Behind the most impressive résumés there will be a litany of set-backs, direction changes, and moments of doubt.” — Christian Jarrett
Sage advice:
If you insist on knowing all the results before you quit, then don’t.
I (Stan) got a call from a longtime friend. He said, “My son is failing most of his college classes. All he wants to do is play his guitar. Will you please tell him that the music thing can happen after he finishes his degree?” My response was not what he wanted to hear.
I said, “He should quit tomorrow and go to a school where he can major in guitar.”
He was trying to convince his son to put his soul on hold until he finished college. Terrible, terrible advice. Skillful quitting allowed his son to find a college that suited his talent.
Protect your soul. The other stuff will fall in line.
Skillful quitting reflection:
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a fool about it.” Attributed to W.C. Fields
What happened when you didn’t have the courage to quit?
Who do you know who needs to quit? How can you start a conversation that could change their life?
Still curious:
3 Reasons Why Quitting is an Essential Skill
This post is a collaboration between Dan Rockwell and Stan Endicott.
Note: I relax my 300 word limit on weekends.
I like the phrase, “fail quickly”. Be aware of what success should be, and move on when it’s obviously not working. Too many companies are afraid of this. It’s so difficult when a senior leader’s pet project is an obvious failure to all around, but his ego prevents him from calling it failed. Then so much time and effort is wasted trying to work around the problem.
Thanks Jim. You comment, “Be aware of what success should be…” is absolutely essential. Define success and use that definition to evaluate progress. Our fear of failing actually results in more failing. If we adopt a ‘learn from failure’ approach, we accelerate progress.
Dan–lots of good points.
But, how do you know when to quit and when to keep going?
Thanks for bringing this up. There are several unanswered questions in this post.
1. When to quit?
2. Why to quit?
3. How to quit?
4. When to press forward when results disappoint?
5. What role does ‘adapt and move forward’ play? (Instead of quitting.)
Probably more questions than the ones above that should be addressed. I’m glad you chimed in today.
Dan I almost quit a great job because my ego was bruised and I was livid. A most unlikely colleague gave me timely and excellent advice, “never quit when you are mad”. Calm down, think about it and plan your quit and next move.
Brad
Thanks Brad. That is brilliant. Quitting in anger would not be skillful quitting. So glad you added your insights today.
“Protect your soul. The other stuff will fall in line.” THIS is what I needed today! No one else can do that for you!
Thanks Amy. A soul-sucking job isn’t worth it. We may have responsibilities that require us to keep working at a job that sucks the life out of us, but we can still look for something else while we pay the bills or provide for a family.
I wish I had learned this skill a decade ago when I left a company that I had been working for a decade. I felt that I was not treated well through a health crisis. I had put in for several internal opportunities to advance my career, but was overlooked every time. I felt stuck. I landed a better job which I still have today. The day I quit, I had a short conversation with my boss, turned in my company equipment, and never heard from him again.
When I think back at that role, I actually learned a lot of good technical and professional skills even though I was suffering personally. When I talk about it, I only say the positive, good things about my experience.
Thanks Chris. It’s important to continue learning and growing, even when we don’t like our job. Using the lens of development gives us purpose, even when the job sucks.
My story is different. I spent 10 years in a job that was sucking the soul out of me but because of comfort zone, the fear of making a change while supporting a family, and the blow to my pride that “quit” would cause, I remained in my discomfort. I didn’t like who I was becoming and I dreaded going into work each day. A round of layoffs crushed my ego but caused me to make the move I so desperately needed to make. It was not that I had proactively made the change – it was thrust upon me. But when I walked out that day, I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders and soon I was working in my dream job, which I have been thoroughly enjoying for 10 years. I wish I had learned this skillful quitting lesson years ago. Thanks for this post and to anyone in a similar situation, my advice is don’t let your rut become so carpeted that you sacrifice your soul, your health, and your sanity. Be strategic, but plan your “quit” and find yourself again.
Dan, your relentless stalking has got to stop. It’s creepy.
That said, your timely advice is still appreciated. Today is d-day for a boss that wants to hire me. We’ve negotiated the terms and I’m just waiting for the final hard offer. So seriously, it’s fun to see a lot of confirmation from people I trust (like you).
LOL, Ron. I have to give a shout-out to Stan for all his work on this topic. We wrote this together.
I wish you well in your new role. I assume you did some skillful quitting to get to this place.