Choose How You Show Up Before You Show Up
Strength sees opportunities. Weakness sees threats. You see the world the way you see yourself.
Self-perception shapes the way you show up.
How do you show up when your inner accuser is loud?
- Filled with self-doubt that causes second-guessing.
- Fearful of making mistakes.
- Worried about being judged.
- Obsessively analyzing your words.
- Avoiding topics that need exploration.
- Feeling inadequate or jealous.
- Defensive when receiving tough feedback.
How do you show up when you feel confident in yourself?
- Prepared to turn outward instead of focusing on yourself.
- Open to listen without defensiveness.
- Comfortable with others.
- Willing to address tough topics with a forward-facing orientation.
- Aware and respectful of boundaries both for ourselves and others.
- Trusting competent people to perform.
- Leaning into your strengths.
- Attractive to others (I’m not talking about physical beauty).
- Able to infuse confidence in others.
- Positive instead of fearful.
Choose how you show up:
Spend 1 minute visualizing how you want to show up before your next meeting.
- How does your best self begin the meeting?
- How do you look? Think about body language and facial expression.
- What do you do when someone tries to hijack the meeting?
- What is your orientation toward people? Toward planning? Toward decision-making?
- How do you feel about yourself when you’re interacting with people?
- How does your best self move the agenda forward?
- How do you see yourself ending the meeting?
Be specific. Think actions, words, facial expressions and vocal tone.
1-day challenge:
Practice a best-self-visualization in the morning and before significant encounters. At the end of the day record your observations on a piece of paper (Writing is thinking). If it’s useful, do it for 5 days.
How does the way we think about ourselves seep into behaviors and attitudes?
Still curious:
The Power of Showing Up – Choose How You Show Up or Someone Else Will
How to Show Up Like a Leader Today
Act Like a Leader Before You Are One (hbr.org)
hi Dan, I love your insights as always. In this case, I wonder if we could acknowledge that our work environment can also influence our best self… Its not always as easy as working on ourselves, unfortunately. As a minority, I have often been in a room where there is a real bias before I enter. Its not supposed to be there, but its there anyway. A friend of mine won’t give a talk unless her husband is in the audience. I SO get that. It won’t matter how prepared, how confident… this is so pervasive, it drives people out of tech. Maybe its just that tech has a lot of unhappy people to begin with.. who knows. But it can be a toxic environment for minorities…. :(. Had to mention.
Hi Anna, I”m so glad you added your insights on this post. You are right. Several factors influence how we show up. Things like social situations, cultural norms, personal goals, to name a few.
Showing up is impacted by the attitudes of people we interact with. When they are adversarial we might soften our approach. When they agree with us we might challenge more. Sometimes we choose the opposite. When we face resistance we might toughen our approach.
External factors that influence the way we show up make the choice even more important. I read Nelson Mandela found ways to exert his power while he was in prison in South Africa. He walked slower than they wanted him to, for example. He was choosing how he showed up. So impressive.
I wish you success on your journey. And thanks again for adding your voice. It means a lot to me.
Great post today – one I will enjoy referring back to for the great list of questions and the easy ways you share to contrast threat and opportunity. Thank-you Dan! I’m reminded of a phrase that I’m beginning to love from Brendon Burchard, “Release Tension, Set Intention”.
Thanks, Jenny. Things that rhyme are memorable and they also have the ring of truth. Love it.