Leading yourself into Humility
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I’ll never forget G.J. Hart’s observation about high potential leaders, “I can usually tell if they have the humility to make it.” He focused on character before talent or skill.
Humility yields success; arrogance blocks it.
One source of arrogance is too much knowledge. However, there’s something that matters more than knowing. It’s practicing what you know. Putting knowledge into practice tests, reveals, and establishes true knowledge.
Practice nurtures humility.
“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” Goethe
Leading yourself:
Thomas Watson said, “Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.”
Eight practices of humble people.
Humble people:
- Restore broken relationships.
- Treat others better than they treat themselves.
- Acknowledge weaknesses and embrace strengths.
- Thank others for support and encouragement. Gratitude tempers arrogance.
- Let others perform while they observe and encourage
- Ask questions when they don’t know. A know-it-all is arrogant. Humility is openness; arrogance is blindness. The path to wisdom is paved with humility.
- Enjoy honor. Arrogance blocks honor either by seeking it or by rejecting it.
- Delight in rich sustaining relationships. Arrogance yields agonizing emptiness. Humility welcomes others.
Into humility:
No one can humble you. Only you can humble you. You’ve seen haughty people remain arrogant when they should act humbly. Forced humility actually breaks your spirit. On the other hand, embracing humility frees and energizes you.
Pursing humility is slippery and perilous. Acting humbly helps.
Accepting the conundrum that arrogance is weakness and humility is strength builds foundations for rich leadership.
What other practices of humility can you add?
Great blog topic Dan and excellent points. I would add:
+ self-empathy and empathy for others
+ appreciation for others’ efforts, contributions etc.
+ admitting mistakes
+ asking more, talking less
I couldn’t have said it better myself! Those are great additions to an excellent list.
Dan, I’d add these …
+ Seek ways to intentionally serve others then be served.
+ Treat waiters/waitresses/service people as a peer rather than a pawn.
+ Praise the accomplishments of their team rather then speaking of their own work.
..leading ourselves is always the starting point, our own spirit is always the first challenge! Achievement allows to to be self-confident, humility keeps us others centered, tempers the ego side. Like all disciplines, daily attention is required!
Thanks for a thought provoking post Dan.
How many of us are “self-aware” of our arrogance (we like to call it confidence) but do not “self-manage” that awareness. We become aware because either something or someone pointed it out to us. It’s what that we do with that awareness that determines if we are humble or not.
Dan, I wonder if you or your readers feel like there are different levels of being humble? “Pursing humility is slippery and perilous. Acting humbly helps.” Are you saying that you either are or are not humble? You seemed to be identifying a process. Just curious.
Regards,
Van
Hi Van,
Thanks for your comment and great questions.
First, I think humility like everything else in life is a journey. We never arrive.
When I said, acting humbly helps, I was thinking about the behaviors of humility rather than the attitude or spirit of humility. Rather than waiting for the attitude of humility perhaps acting with behaviors that reflect humility will help. What do you think?
Cheers,
Dan
It’s interesting…and I am many years behind this topic being recent…. but I agree self awareness and actions are key components to this. I think humility, as all things, can be lined with a slippery slope. I have an interesting proposal:
When leading yourself into humility, you have the potential to elevate humility itself as a characteristic you value. In striving to maintain or achieve this characteristic you risk elevating that into a quality for which you hold pride in. Pride leads to ego, and develops into arrogance when left unchecked.
I had a person say to me that “X” was cocky, while “Y” is humble. No one likes “X” because of their cockiness, while they like “Y” for being humble. Well… “Y” represents that individuals company and “X” represents a bigger company with a higher degree of name recognition (context for potential insecurity). So in this person using statement to defame the character of “X” and drawing difference in “Y”, they effectively demonstrated how “Y’s” self perception of humility was in fact a demonstration of arrogance/pride/cockiness.
It’s ironic to me in that way.
The fact that we regard others as arrogant based on the perception of confidence shows a lack of humility. Humble people do not behave as bullies who rely on insulting anyone or thing prior to proposing their own superiority. The subconscious bias and tendency to judge others without genuine self awareness is in itself a demonstration of ignorance for one’s own hubris.
can we change and avoid the pitfalls that lead to being arrogant or negatively identified by others as confident (in a bad way)???? MAYBE, but not if we are focused on ourselves in an effort to project a shallow/ convenient/false humility.
*Humble people DO NOT describe themselves as humble. Nor do they describe others as arrogant…. because that is arrogance in action, and is a behavior that only benefits one’s self.
“judge not less ye be judged”
If I may, my suggestion for addition to this topics consideration is: Be present, be genuine, and enjoy the act of helping others however and wherever able. Don’t become lost in self awareness as it detracts from the reality of life. I personally strive to be happy and make others happy, and I only hope to be aware enough to realize how easy and often I fail at that…so I may be considerate in daily life. Strive to improve all things at all times while appreciating everyone always.
I think you nailed it Van…the self management can always improve and when we don’t, it often comes out sideways and badly.
Well said, Van. My own life didn’t flourish until I managed my “confidence” and learned more about saying less.
Great job again, Dan. Humility is an under desired personality trait, that is essential to all true personal growth.
Thanks pastor… Happy Easter to you.
Dear Dan,
I think the other practices of humility could be helping, appreciating and providing opportunity. We should help others in practicing humility. All the people do no know the beauty and importance of being humble, so to teach them, you need to help them to learn humility. You should also appreciate their effort in privatea as well as in public to boost his morale.And this is the way, you can really connect them.You should also find the situation where humility is needed. It means, providing opportunity teaches lesson to the person to learn humility. Just like, if you want to teach how to swim, just throw in the river, his exeperience will teach many things. Similarly, provide situation where humility only works will give powerful experience.
Other humility is simplicity. Humility encourages simplicity and simiplicity connects with people. I think the better way to teach humility is to behave humble in all the situation. Be role model in action, not in theory.
I am not sure about restoring broken relationships. Here, reason for broken relationship plays deciding role. When reason is cognitive or human created one then it is fine to restore broken relationship. But when it has done irrepairable loss, then it become almost impossible to restore it.
Dan, you have outdone yourself to humble heights with the eight of egoless excellence. Really is an en excellent list. So much depth…and #2…right on.
To #1, I would add on…make relationships/connections and keep improving them. Our human connects are gossamer, fragile, yet when interwoven, so strong. Probably could merge 1 & 8 I suppose.
If we practiced (never mastered) these 8, wow, what a great place to be!
Might add, listen…listen to their experiences, just listen. Every person has a story and it needs to be heard and valued.
I have the honor of interviewing doctors, nurses, therapists and support staff about their challenging work with people with serious mental health challenges. Admittedly, part of my role is to prepare them when external accrediting agencies come visit, however, I really just get to listen and am in awe of the passion, the investment, the enthusiasm, their own vision of what they do and how essential it is. I am simultaneously amazed, humbled and energized. All I have to do is spend some time listening and am totally recharged in what I get to do. To top it off, sometimes I have the opportunity to sit in on a group and the work there being done by all, the people served and the staff, is simply overwhelming. Seeing those connections being forged, that effort in spite of the challenges…again, what an honor.
Doc,
Thanks for the encouraging comment. Your additions are wonderful. One connected to listening that I didn’t have “word space” to leave was stop interrupting. The way you state it is more inclusive.
Love your story and wish you the best,
Dan
Doc is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read his bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/doc
Dan, this was so nice to read — going thru the list I could visualize the best people I’ve worked for, either as an agency, consultant or employee. Thanks!
Enlightening. Thank you.
Make amends continuously,even when the other person is partly to blame for the problem. Be as quick to apologize to children and subordinates as we would to people of power and prominence.
“Be as quick to apologize to children and subordinates as we would to people of power and prominence.” This is so true and I have encountered too many folks who see kindness and apology to children and colleagues “down the ladder” as mutinous. Ridiculous. Kindness and strength are not mutually exclusive. Control is a myth.
Well said. Having tripped through a long, dark, and unexpected desert, life on the other side has become simpler, more about building people up than making myself known or heard, and freer-richer. Your post is such an encouragement. Thank you.
“…more about building people up than making myself known or heard, and freer-richer…” I think that response is so meaningful! Sometimes leadership can be more “Look at me!” when it should be about serving others and what’s best for the group as a whole
Wow! What a great post.
As I was reading it, I noticed that it was so easy to identify others in my life who have had this arrogant attitude. My mind had a short list of people who I wanted to “share this with.” But then, my next thought was: “How easy it is for me to push this on others without really evaluating myself.” It reminds me of this quote: “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” (Mt 7:3 NLT).
I think this is a true humble heart. When you can say, look even in all the faults of others around me, I choose to focus on my own and try to fix what I know I should fix and let my friend deal with my friend’s own issues. This is a hard thing to choose to do. It is so much easier at times to just point out the obvious to others and ignore the obvious in ourselves.
Thank you for this post today. I was encouraged!
Melissa
Dan, I was blessed with a father that is full of humility. He could be, and often was, the smartest guy in the room, but he never had to prove it. It took me a lot longer to learn the value of humility. As I see it today, having a servant’s heart, encouraging others, listening first, understanding that God loves others the same as he loves me…regardless, practicing more grace of others are all traits that have enriched my life because they have brought me into rich and rewarding relationships.
Humility is the one leadership trait that seems to be at the core of character and through that character people respond with their own passions and gifts allowing the team/organization to perform at higher levels.
Thanks, Dan. Jim
I like #8 on your list. I went through a phase in my life where I felt that people who didn’t share my way of thinking were useless except to drag me down. Only when I learned about humility was I able to become a better team player, and there is unquestionably more strength in numbers.
Great post!
One minor point – I believe that “#2. Treat others better than they treat themselves.” should be reworded to “#2. Treat others at least as well as they treat themselves.” When a humble person puts others ahead of their own best interests, it creates an imbalance. Self-love is a prerequisite to being a good (and humble) leader.
Each time im embarrassed, im humbled. Those experiences have given me character and depth. Humility reminds me of love affairs when there’s a miscommunication of thoughts and feelings– one person perceives the relationship as great the other thinks its awful. The humbling thought is they both were wrong about each other.
Dan – amazing insight that is really making me confront some of my weaknesses, which I’ve been dwelling on as of late. And maybe they’re not weaknesses, but rather choices.
I’d like to add – Allow others be right, have the answers, and the glory. Sometimes it’s best to just say, Great idea!, rather than taking credit by saying, Me too!
I think that true humility does mean knowing where you are strong and capable. To deny that is false modesty. I do believe that you don’t have to flaunt it, just not deny it.
Great post!
Professor M.S.Rao – Author of 10 leadership books including ‘Spirit of Indian Youth – Soft Skills for Young Managers’
Blog: http://profmsr.blogspot.com Where Knowledge is Wealth
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I love this post, as I have unfortunately gotten caught up in myself from time to time. The Thomas Watson post shared here has now become one of my new favorites. Thank you for sharing, and helping to prove that one of the greatest signs of leadership is service.
Dan – amazing insight that is really making me to come forward to some of my weaknesses, i will correct it .each experience will take me to the depth of humility
thanks for that informative post
Hi Dan,
I’m struggling to understand what you mean by this part: “Pursing humility is slippery and perilous. Acting humbly helps.”
I suspect either a late-night lack of clarity on my part, or perhaps a typo on your part.
Can you please help me out by rephrasing it?
-Johan
Beautiful article indeed. So blessed to have this