9 Ways to Help Others Make Decisions
Yogi Berra said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
Great leaders are decision makers. The down side of this is an ability to “know” what others should do; to make decisions for rather than with others.
5 reasons it’s easy to know what’s “best” for others.
- We replace their life-purpose with our purpose for them.
- We use our personal values to evaluate their behaviors.
- We don’t bear responsibility for the consequences of life-decisions they make.
- We haven’t thought deeply about available alternatives.
- We don’t fully understand the complexity of the problem.
It may be easier to say, “You should,” and give others a decision than to engage them in a process that eventually enables them to function without us.
Give others decision-making tools rather than decisions.
9 Ways you can help others make great decisions.
- Connect them with people that have experience and expertise.
- Help them identify the real problem/challenge. Ask what the problem is and then say it back to them.
- Explore risk tolerance. Ask what they are willing to lose. (Realize people tend to be overly optimistic.)
- Inspire them to lean toward doing something. Bolster their confidence.
- Help them explore, examine and then express their values. Ask what makes you tick.
- Encourage them to examine expected outcomes. Ask what if …
- Clarify and then connect their life-purpose with anticipated outcomes. Ask how this decision takes them where they want to go.
- Explore pros and cons for each available option. Ask what could go wrong and what could go right.
- Allow the significance of each decision to determine the time allotted to make it and then set decision-deadlines. Ask when they can pull the trigger.
- ???
Why does it seem easy to know what others should do?
What other decision-making tools can you suggest?
For me, it’s easier to talk about what people should do than listen to them spend a lot of time stressing about it. And your suggestions are also time-consuming. Once again, we arrive back at my major character flaw — being too results-oriented and not people-oriented enough. Trying to work on that.
Greg,
Good observation, if you are going to help people make great decisions it’s going to take time.
Cheers,
Dan
Agreed! Thinking through all angles of of situation takes time. Forcing an immediate decision can result in a poor decision that can have lasting consequences – especially if it’s something big or if you’re new to the idea of thinking critically and or not used to having the responsibility of making your own decisions.
When you’ve got more experience to back you up, the process can be quicker. It’s definitely a time investment to mentor those new to the idea of making their own decisions. But the fun comes when they realize the personal satisfaction of having done it themselves. That’s what always makes the time investment & patience totally worth it for me!
What type of counselor do I point someone to who is having issues with this for help working through the process and accountability?
Well, I would say that often it seems easy to know what others should do because they are doing a job that we did previously. Because of our knowledge of that job, we can rely on our past experience to establish their actions as opposed to letting them learn and make their own mistakes.
Dan, I suggest you read this article http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/6630.html. Thinking too much is as bad as thinking too little. Balance is the key to achieve all of our goals.
#3 risk tolerance and #6 expected outcomes also tie into awareness of pace of change, for the leader to be and for the organization. The long haul has humps and bumps that test one’s moxie to say the least. Ensuring that they have a support network in sync is important with pace. That support network can also re-enforce the vision.
When leaders make decisions ‘with’ others, they open the window on how the decision was made, of overt and covert factors that are considered, which may not be part of the normal scope of vision for up and coming leaders to be. Making decisions with and then stepping back creates a positive legacy.
I like your wrap up on #9…when can they pull the trigger. All of the rest could be just a fun, theoretical exercise…until you ask that question. Eeep, the talk has to jibe with the walk, alrighty then! 😉
My #10 adds to #2, help them clarify is this a problem to solve or a tension to be managed? If it’s a tension to manage, and they think it’s a problem to solve, they will get highly frustrated but the lack of resolution. If they recognize the tension to manage and learn to leverage that tension, it will open up their leadership and results in new ways.
Dan:
A great refresher on helping others!
Maybe another one to add is building on your 9.. Pulling all of this into getting to making the decision… I ask them specifically, what to do they recommend. Then just just say, “Okay, sounds good to me!” Sometimes people want to hear someone validation (I did not really validate, but it comes across as that). After a couple of times of this each person starts to gain the confidence in their abilities to make decisions. With confidence comes quicker action.
Dear Dan,
As decision makers inspiring others I think that all great leaders are good coachees, but. I’m not sure that all good coachees be great leaders. What do you think about?
Thanks!
Why does it seem easy to know what others should do?
What other decision-making tools can you suggest?
It seems easy to know what others do because theoretically we have a bit more perspective than them at decision time AND we do not have to deal with the inner turmoil brought about by the “what if” process.
As far as other decision making tools, it is a challenge to turn a situation around and see it from a different view than whatever angle we have become resigned to. This weekend, I had chosen a picture of a field of yellow tulips with one single red one in it .. and I wanted to link that to how my child (as part of a homogenous group) would approach a newcomer who looked different. It wasn’t until I was running last night that I realized I needed the flip side — what if my child were the newcomer into a field of homogenous anythings ….
It takes work to turn a problem over and over and really make sure we catch all of the different sides. But this is an important component of many decisions.
(And here’s the blog for anyone who is interested: http://waytenmom.blogspot.com/2011/04/alone-red-in-field-of-yellow-reverb11.html)
I’ve found on committees that can’t make a decision all I have to do is suggest one of the choices and that gets the ball rolling. They often choose something else but they committee members needed someone to take a stand so they could either agree or disagree.
Great post! I find myself doing exactly what you said we do normally way to often. I need to start following these tips to help others make good decisions
This post provides excellent steps leaders can take to coach their team. It’s too easy to dictate solutions or to push them in the direction one thinks is best.
By the way, that’s a great Yogi quote-one of my favorites.
Chris
Great tools for leaders to lead their people. Thanks!
Thank you
Dan:
Another solid article! So much to see and take stock in your postings. This one in particular strikes me as I am the ‘friend’ for many when they are not sure of the next step. I was glad to see that I already practice some of your points but a few others were food for thought.
From my experience, the comments about listening are key. You have to really know where people stand before you can guide them in a direction of final self discovery. The second point is that people need to be prepared to do the work. It is easy for people to follow the crowd but when they are ready for something new – it usually involves creating a new path and that takes work and pain. That is always my first message (or question) – are you ready to do what it takes?? Next you point them to people/places that can answer questions. When they come back I just help them piece together their plan (and 90% of the time it is NOTHING like my path). Finally, you let them know that you will be there for the journey as a helping hand (and then you fulfill this promise).
Thanks again!
10. Be willing to grow together by believing people can learn and overcome their mistakes – thus giving leeway for mistakes. Learning to rebound, reconfigure, and restart can help those we lead become better at responding to challenging and changing landscapes. The ability of the leader to express his faith in his people’s capacity to rebound is a tremendous bolstering of confidence and compliance.
Through self discovery and beleiving in myself is something of importance. Great article!