The CEO of Deloitte Learns Respect from his Dad
You should respect Jim Quigley, the leader of the world’s largest professional services organization. Jim Quigley told me, however, that leadership is about giving respect.
Jim said, “What I believe about leadership I learned from my dad.”
This story from his youth explains how one night over dinner Jim learned the value of respect.
Dinner at the Quigley household was an active experience as the eight of us gathered. As a youngster I decided one evening I would provide the dinner entertainment. Rex, my father’s foreman, spoke with a very pronounced lisp, and I decided I was going to provide my best imitation of him.
My older sisters snickered, but my father did not even crack a smile. He simply looked at me and said: “Jimmy you do not know or appreciate all that Rex does for the Forest Service and how important he is to me.” The entertainment was over.
I once naively thought Rex’s loyalty was the result of my Dad’s position as the Ranger, but experience and reflection has taught me that he was loyal to my Dad because my Dad provided him with respect.
- Treat others with respect and you can be an effective member of a team.
- Treat others with respect and you can be a leader.
- Treat others with respect and you can sell your company’s products and services.
I have watched some enormously talented partners fall far short of their potential, because they did not learn this simple lesson. Treat others with respect.
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What makes you feel respected?
How do you show respect to others?
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Jim Quigley offers 8 Public Speaking Tips.
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Read my review of Jim’s book, “As One: Individual Action, Collective Power“
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The most obvious sign of respect is when people listen to me and then act or respond on what I say. Listening is such a critical skill. No one likes to be ignored, everyone likes to be heard, but when someone listens, and then thinks about what you say and maybe changes what they do — that shows respect.
Hi Greg,
“No one like to be ignored,” is a powerful statement that captures the truth.
Thanks for sharing your insights,
Dan
This is a truly appropriate topic with which to start what is for many of us the work week after a holiday weekend.
That story from Jim Quigley is so powerful and simple; it encapsulates everything about respect in one interaction.
I feel respected when things are explained to me — things beyond the specific task that I am doing — that helps me understand where my task fits in within “the big picture,” helps me feel a more direct connection to the beneficiary of the service or product, and provides me (often) with additional learning opportunities that will help me in the future.
As far as I how I show respect to others, this is an area where most of us stumble even with the best of intentions. I tend to have a fairly sarcastic sense of humor and have to be intentional about noticing when I am going down a path of ridicule, even as an observer.
I also try consciously to think through my expectations of how rapidly things should move and what hidden obstacles keep people from moving at my pace. Since my mother in law is blind, I have been privy to some very interesting interactions related to this. Once at a movie theater, she asked the staff person what size drink the medium was – the staff person impatiently said, “it’s the purple cup” (my mother in law doesn’t “look” blind). I couldn’t blame the person – it is probably a question that is served well 99.9% of the time by saying “purple,” but for the .01 percent of individuals for whom that answer is not sufficient, a few extra seconds of patience can show respect.
Paula,
It’s always great to read your comments.
Explaining things to people is a great way to show respect. So practical.
I like to ask, do you understand and start a conversation before explaining. I’ve explained to people who already knew… thats embarrassing.
Of course there are people who think they know but don’t. In that case a few questions help.
Best,
Dan
Good thoughts. Respect is the key to relationship. And, relationship is the key to everything else, although I am sure there are many who would disagree.
I’d add that respect is vital to selling yourself and your ideas to others, not just your products.
Martina,
I’m thankful to see you again today. Wonderful addition, respecting others helps us “sell” ourselves.
Best,
Dan
Dear Dan,
Listening, caring and suggesting make me feel respected. Sincere appreciation from time to time feel me respected more. I do the same for others. I listen, care and suggest but expect least from others. And this makes me feel happy. Many a times, people talk more, listen less. I provide them full freedom to express their views and this make them feel that they are respected. I believe that you need to have great perseverance not to expect from others. Generally people expect more than they do for others.
I have learned respect and dignity from my late father. This is my source of inspiration. The beauty of respect is that you get when you seek it, and fortunately it is not influenced by any material gains.
Hi Dan, respect is the glue that maintains relationships as noted above. Any way one can validate another shows respect. Everyone is unique in their own way and contributions are very personal. Being attentive to others’ needs, desires, wishes and dreams breeds respect. The foundation for all interchanges successful or not is respect. I also learned the value of respect from my father at a very early age. My dad grew up during a time when a handshake and affirmation were stronger and more binding than any legal contract. His “word was truly his bond” and nothing in the world commanded more respect. To this day my 85 year old dad still inspires respect, love and admiration. My dad was a strong believer in the aphorism that one needs to remember nothing if we always speak the truth. I try to remember also when my dad would tell me that respect began with ourselves and how one must have self-respect to give it and how no one could navigate through life without it. Very profound concepts for a man schooled by life and nourished by the “fruits of his labor.” I hope that I inspire a little of that respect with my team and that I reciprocate at every opportunity possible.
Powerful observations Al, thanks for sharing.
And since Father’s day is not too far away, this might be a great time to honor all that the ‘collective dads’ have passed on to us young uns!
Respect and honor…simple intertwined words–and vital action.
In a sense, anyone who shares with us is both respecting and honoring us with giving their time, their experience, their story, their wisdom. In our own inner busy-ness, we may forget or overlook that. It has to be reciprocal as well. Appreciate/celebrate that respect and honor.
Dan–thanks for reminding me to move this book up my list o’ reads!
Doc, very appropriate to throw “Honor” into the mix. They are very closely intertwined and difficult to imagine having one with the other. Thanks for reminding us where “honor” sits in the world of leadership. 🙂
Hi Dan
Greeting with a smile says a lot to me in the form of respect. It is about acknowledging a person’s presence. Growing up, if you came in the presence of someone, you greeted them and literally acknowledged them being in the space you are in. Nowadays, even I don’t greet as I have fallen into this habit of just no engaging or connecting with people, albeit they are strangers. Every so often I will consciously greet but it is certainly a great sign of respect for me to acknowledge somebody’s presence.
Dear Thabo,
I liked your statement ‘Greeting with a smile says a lot to me in the form of respect’. It works both ways. But, we are not much liberal to all whom we meet or say remain choosy in giving respect to only those whom we like and those who matter to us. Moreover, we usually expect that others do respect us and when not done we are disturbed. This is a natural phenomena but not desirable.
I strongly feel that respect is to be earned by your good deeds and not to be commanded just because of position/authority. Getting respect reflects on some of your positives what people admire and they always look for the gains/learning from you. On the other hand, giving respect becomes a part of your outlook and the way you see others based on your experience.
One needs to be simple, humble and hardcore performer to get good attention of others. Respect again is a two-way process. I always look at any meeting of Lions Club, Jaycee or Rotary Club and admire their members’ habits of respecting each other on the Dias although they are all at one level.
What a great lesson Mr. Quigley learned from his father. This shows what an important role dad’s have in the development of future leaders.
Respect is a two way street.
I completely agree with you Dan.
Sometimes even unintentional or misunderstanding which sounds like a disrespect can harm the professional/personal relationships.
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