Second Guessing Sucks
Sometimes you don’t know what you want until you make a choice. You’re driving down the road and realize you aren’t comfortable.
Choices expose what we really want.
Maybe you feel trapped because you already decided. How can we make the rubber hit the road without creating a binding decision.
Make nonbinding decisions:
Public decisions are harder to change than private. Keeping decisions private allows space for change.
When you have an important decision to make, make it with a small group of trusted leaders. Say, “This is what we’re going to do.” But, keep it private. Give everyone a night to sleep on it. Come together the next day to finalize things. Determine if the decision is a keeper. If it’s a keeper, put the car in gear and start driving.
Understanding second guessing:
Second guessing paralyzes.
Second guessing shouldn’t suggest you made a wrong choice. If you’re a second guesser, it doesn’t matter what choice you make, you’ll second guess.
Second guessing always takes the opposite position. When you choose “A” over “B” you’ll wonder about “B.” If you choose “B” you’ll wonder about “A.”
There’s nothing virtuous or noble about the ability to second guess. Make a good choice and keep driving forward unless circumstances change or new information emerges that calls for changing direction.
Tip: If you can’t change direction, you’ll never enjoy sustained success.
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How do deal with second guessing?
What is your decision making strategy?
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Dan, I agree that decisions need time to settle in before you act, especially key ones. I like to have decision meetings on Fridays and then huddle up again on Monday for a gut check.
If you have a good process for decision making (gather information, develop more than one course of action, use screening criteria to screen out choices that don’t meet your needs, use evaluation criteria to compare remaining courses, final decision based on trusted counsel) then when you second guess it’s a matter of trust in your method and the work that went into it. Decision-making should be formal for big decisions but even unimportant choices should follow some mental path through the same steps. If you do that, then even if you do second-guess, you have something concrete to re-look at, kind of like checking your adding machine tape.
Usually more than one decision will work. The energy you waste on second-guessing likely is more than the value between your top two options anyway.
Greg,
The Monday morning huddle is beautiful. That thought alone makes stopping in here today worth while.
Good to see you. Hopefully the glitches with the comment feature has straightened out.
Best,
Dan
Dan,
Great points about decisions making. It seems that there is always some lingering doubt and second-guessing. The follow-up meeting or Monday morning huddle (Greg’s idea) should help solidify the decision. Sticking with the decision unless circumstances or information changes is a great rule-of-thumb. Your tip that you need to be able to change direction is very true too. I can think of times when we were spinning our wheels and had to make a change. We had even made the right decision but needed to tweak how we applied it.
Thanks,
Chris
My decision making strategy is one that I teach to all my students in business education:
1- Define/Identify the problem.
2- Create at least three solutions.
3- Weigh all the pros and cons and possible outcomes of those solutions.
4- Make a decision. (This is the hardest part- seek God and ask Him to direct your steps).
5- Act on your decision. (Don’t second guess your decision- go forward and have faith that you are in God’s will).
6- Evaluate the results. (This may be months or even years later, and this doesn’t mean regretting your decision over another; it means analyzing your outcome to improve upon in the future. In retrospect, this is usually when you can see how God was working the situation out- opening and closing doors and bringing people in at just the right time).
How do I deal with second guessing?
I don’t. If doubt pops up on a decision, I just hand it over; push it aside; it’s not mine to deal with anymore; what’s done is done and there’s no going back to change it. I trust that was the best decision under the best counsel.
I think second-guessing has become so fraught because we seem to live in a culture that sees changing one’s mind, reversing one’s course, or admitting that something didn’t work as signs of weakness.
Instead, it’s important to look at the abilities to risk, assess, and course-correct as needed as signs of strength and maturity. If you’re not getting it wrong sometimes, you’re not failing. If you’re not failing, you’re not risking. If you’re not risking, you’re just rearranging Titanic deck chairs.
Jeanny
This is an important topic to flush out. Not to get lost in process semantics, but as leaders, we see and set the vision into an action plan and then experience the outcome be it glorious or perhaps something that falls short of what we expected. Hence the opportunity to debrief, reflect and fine tune..blah blah. On the front end though, even with a built in pause/gut check, Ive recently fallen victim to an episode of group-think which immediately reminded me of the Abilene Paradox. How humbling that I know it and teach it and then bam fell victim to it. The small work group all consented to the idea and then approached the larger group to pitch the idea and I think somewhere in that dynamic everyone thought that everyone else thought it was a good idea so why should they speak out and be the monkey wrench….. I guess my point is that we must always be on guard and be brave enough to stand up to state our concerns and have our O-ring moment……
Best Regards,
Philip
Dear Dan,
Choice over guessing is always virtuous decision. Choices open you for taking decision. But more choices create confusion. Guessing on the other hand makes us slippery and suspicious. I think leaders make decision based on choices. They do not guess one decision is made. Habitual guessers find it difficult to take decisions. So, the best ways to overcome guessing is to take stand. It is not always necessary that your stand is right. It could be wrong as well, but it strengthens the decision making process and enhance gut feeling. When I make decision, I collect information, facts, figures and data. Then I find out the existing strategy used, then I compare my potential and capabilities to those strategies. Based on my USP, I think for pros and cons, set deadline or time table and finally make decisions. I usually take longer time for bigger decisions, but once I take decision, I passionately follow and embrace it.
Dan:
I was talking with a colleague the other day about a brilliant surgeon he knows who founded the Faces Foundation, an organization that does major facial repairs for children in countries where the poverty level is below anything we can imagine.
This surgeon says as soon as something pops into his consciousness as a concern, he acts on it. If he sees a little extra bleeding and his mind questions if there will be enough blog available, he sends someone to get more blood.
When I read today’s column it made me think about this powerful lesson and I thought it was worth sharing.
John
Second guessing seems to be on the rise because too many “leaders” fear risk. What happens if I’m wrong? Because we live a PowerPoint, soundbite, fast food world, few take the time to analyze the risks involved with decisions and the mitigation available should those risks materialize. Decision making is not guesswork. If one has done their homework on the pros and cons of the actions to be taken – choose. If things change dramatically because of unforeseen circumstance, another choice may be necessary down the road. When we have used the best information and tools available to us to choose, though, drive on and never regret the decision. The challenges of an unknown future are why we need leaders after all.
I made the decision to apply for a learning coordinator at our school district’s board office. I kept it a secret from my own school staff except from those who I was using as a reference. Outside of my school I only told those who could give me the inside scoop on interview information.
Last week I was fortunate enough to interview for the position. It was still a secret at my school…up until the moment where I was walking out of the buliding in a full suit and high heels (not at all my usual attire,lol). I felt the interview went very well. The panel was engaged and interested. I waited to hear for two days. Yesterday I got the call. I was not selected for the position. The thing that bothered me was that nothing but positive feedback was given to me regarding my interview and my qualifications. No next steps, or the other candidates had…
In fact, I was encouraged to apply for future roles. So, I admit, I’m sulking. I really felt good about the process and believe I could be great in the role. Sometimes when I don’t get the WHY something happened, it’s hard to look past it. Now of course, I’m also thinking about all my colleagues who saw me leave in a suit. I’ll have to face their questions too.
Sometimes, things like this make you reflect on the original decision in the first place. Any thoughts out there?
Sorry to hear about it, it’s a bummer. A couple suggestions:
– If there is anyone you trust on the interview panel who can provide you with some realistic feedback? Can you ask him/her what the decision factors were in selecting a different candidate?
– If you haven’t done a 360 assesment, may want to do one and find out if any areas of improvement or potential “blind spots”.
– Could be politics involved – not much you can do about it in that case. Eventually, it will come back to haunt the school district if this person is not qualified or will not perform at expected levels.