Who Cheers for You
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You cheer for others. Who cheers for you?
Some can’t stand it if you’re “too” happy.
Most are ok if you’re a little bit happy or a little bit successful, … if you’re average.
It’s okay to long for more but whatever you do, don’t actually reach for it. And heaven forbid if it happens.
Too Happy:
If you’re too happy, kill-joys give you a good dose of “reality.” Too much success and they’ll warn, “Watch out for arrogance.”
Maybe it’s a parent, spouse, boss, or colleague. You find yourself holding back your enthusiasm around them because you know they can’t stand it.
Vulnerable:
I’m never more vulnerable than when I’m celebrating. Someone comes along and lets me know that I’m not quite there, yet. Ouch!
Ever share you’re excitement and have someone remain detached? Thanks a million! You learn to keep celebrations to yourself.
Creating cheerleaders:
- Take a vacation from critiques, tweaks, and improvements. Establish no-negativity time. Saturday morning is positive-time, for example. No improvements. No tweaks. Just positive speech or silence. Make it fun. Establish a fine for violations. Put the money in the pizza fund.
- Receive praise with gratitude. The problem may be you. The less comfortable you are at receiving praise, the less frequently it occurs.
- Establish the 3-to-1 rule. Call everyone to make three positive statements for every negative. Positive speech builds positive environments. Words are rudders.
- Celebrate small. Stop waiting for the big stuff.
- Find a brag buddy. (An idea I first heard from Jon Acuff)
- Stop people before they add the negative to a positive.
Bonus: Invite whiners, kill-joys, and complainers to make three positive statements. Say, “I’ll wait.”
How can you build a positive vibe around your life and leadership?
Great column. One of the reasons that our economy, our society, and many families and many individuals in their careers are struggling is that “over achiever” is seen as a put-down and not something to encourage others to be.
Thank you Joe. Here’s to cheering others on AND being cheered on, too!
Love what you’re doing for others.
Hilariously so real & true!
Oops sorry, I’m new to commenting & I just realised I’ve keyed into a wrong reply box. But my formal comment was for this article; I found it hilariously so true. It was almost exactly what I’ve in thoughts but you’ve put them in words. Thanks for sharing Dan; I’ve been enjoying your write-ups daily 🙂
Thanks for your comment Karin… 🙂 … come on back another time…
I have so many thoughts on this one…we should talk about it someday… I have had several instances when my organization’s results looked “just too good” that others raised eyebrows… “that’s not possible.” Well, after much probing, the answer was we had created a strong culture that drove results. No performance enhancing drugs or the equivalent involved 😉
Thank you Karin. On one hand it feels good to prove detractors wrong. But on the other, it can take the wind out of the sails. Come on! Just be happy for goodness sake.
Lets see when it is all said and done who cheers for me?
My Mommy.
A prophet in his own country…..
See when I start a quote and can t remember the end I just put ……!!
I did have a great breakthrough at work yesterday. Had to get owner involved but now in 2013 we got a chance to close on about 200k in business had I not shut up till somebody finally listened would have been left on the table like it was last year.
Once everybody gets over being mad I exposed the oversight then maybe my next recommendation will be utilized in a simpler fashion.
Have a great weekend in LeadershipFreak Land!!
Scott. Nobody cares what u know till they know how much u care. When u know you are right stick to your guns till everyone else understands! Paradigm shifting is fun! Especially every decade or so when it actually works!
Thank you Scott. Please don’t shift “too” much! 😉
Hoping to be inspired till expired!!!!
Dan,
I love this piece. When you first experience these things (jealousy for your successes) it is baffling and hurtful. I’ve come to just think of it as a part of human nature. That way it feels less personal.
I love the brag buddy idea. I figured this out accidentally years ago. These days your brag buddy doesn’t have to be close by. Internet brag buddies are the best. Some of my best cheerleaders are twenty (or more) years younger than I. I encouraged teen students for years and now they cheer for my successes. They also hold me accountable for my goals. Full circle is a wonderful thing.
Dauna
Thank you Dauna. Great add on Internet-brag-buddies. Go get’em
Dan,
Great idea and reminder. I’ve got a vision that is out there for the athletic department I’m overseeing and get frustrated wondering if we can get it done but I needed the reminder to celebrate the the small stuff and victories and let those build into the bigger vision.
Need to enjoy the journey (because that’s what it is) and accentuate the positives that we do have going on no matter how small because they are going on. We don’t want to miss those.
Thanks
Todd
Thanks Todd. I find it easy to focus on how far there is to go and forget how far I’ve come… 🙂 Here’s to success
Amen….Totally Agree….Here’s to the journey and the pursuit. Thank You
My friend and mentor, Barbara Sher says: “Isolation is the dream killer.” She created the concept of Success Teams, where a small group of people get together regularly to discuss their dreams and goals, exchange information, and cheer each other on. It can be done in person, on the phone, or via the internet. You can be in business and someone else can be an actor or woodworker or a florist, but you all want what’s best for each other. It’s a powerful tool.
That said, I also remember reading about a family that would call friends and neighbors and say: “Mary just won her high school science fair. We’re going to come by in about 10 minutes and honk the horn. Will you run outside and cheer and applaud?” And they’d drive the kid around, giving her all that adulation. Everyone loved being a part of it, and they’d remember it the next time they saw Mary, so she got double rewards.
Some people just do not have it in them to be happy for you when you’re doing well. It’s certainly worth it to find a few people who can be as happy as you are when you succeed.
Thank you Jennifer. What a great illustration … we need more applause!
It’s funny how we can love isolation… I think it’s simpler. Thanks for the expression… “Isolation is a dream killer.”
Great blog. Really strikes a cord. We need to spend more time accentuating the positive. Studies show that positive feedback leads to faster growth, innovation and creativity. Thanks!
Thank you for the good word, Anil. Cheers
Nice 1keep it………………
thanks
Dear Dan,
Who cheers for you is a great question. I can share my example here. I do not expect someone to cheer for me,but I do expect others to feel positive about me. I do not expect others to appreciate me, but I do feel others should recognize my effort and achievement. So, it may be cheers in other form, but I do believe that expecting others to cheer for you is not nice philosophy.Of course, we should cheer for others. And this philosophy actually create positive vibe around us. I have felt that whenever I expect, I get frustrated more often than not. But whenever I focus on my goal, task and priority, I am more happy. It means person with direction is happier than directionless.
In fact, I cheer for myself. I cheer by discussing, sharing and showing my progress, dreams and determination with others. And this make be cheerful. I do not expect someone to really cheer for me. I want to feel it rather than someone else should realise me.
Great article! Concise, useful, to the point and… How true is this! Already tried it and the result: it works! And the bonus: even earned a little bit of respect! Thank you!!!
Reminds me of the German word “schadenfreude”.
Good final question, as well!
How can we build a positive vibe around our lives and loved ones? Love the question?
Funny my ex wife was like that. killing me softly on each and every peacefull saturday. thats the past and nothing more. it is funny that i finally read about it. i started to think in that period that i had a problem.I build my positive vibe.by giving advice to others in need. i like being the one to listen when for another everything falls appart. i felt and i experienced the listening pair of years and the warm sound of advice when i was at the end of hope and holding on by one finger. my positive shield and vibe comes from the hope i inspire when i get the chance.
3-1 Ratio! That’s awesome! I just saved this post to Evernote so I can refer back to it. The Negative Nellies better watch out…here come three positives their way every time they want to complain!