Calling Out BS
Who you are trumps everything.
What you do matters, but who you are – while you serve – is your most powerful tool of influence.
Fakes, hypocrites, and posers may coerce conformity but always lose influence.
Yesterday I asked Guy Kawasaki about personal qualities that helped him rise to influence. One thing he said was, “I have a good bullsh*t detector.”
Call out number one:
Authentic leadership includes pointing out your own BS.
5 ways to be full of it:
- Make excuses for mediocrity. “I fell short because ….”, is BS. Every excuse is a nail in the coffin of opportunity and potential.
- Expect more from others than yourself.
- Don’t evaluate yourself and avoid self-reflection.
- Focus on what you don’t have and can’t do. Nothing is more self-indulgent and self-affirming than feeling good about doing nothing. Authentic leaders figure out how to move forward.
- Answer every concern and contingency before taking action.
Call out number two:
Authentic leaders inspire authenticity in others by confronting fakes, posers, and hypocrites. When you see BS, say it stinks in here. Focus on behaviors not people. Do it for onlookers. Hypocrites may not change, but onlookers will take courage.
7 ways to move toward authenticity and away from BS:
- Reveal your journey. Authentic leaders don’t mind sharing successes and failures.
- Relax when you’re disliked.
- Choose reasonable plans. Don’t wait for perfect. Reasonable certainty that plans are helpful and not harmful is enough. Reasonable goes further than perfection.
- Share dreams as long as you’re working to fulfill them.
- Release shame for personal demons.
- Accept strengths and weaknesses while working toward excellence.
- Receive input and feedback with gratitude. BS doesn’t listen.
Bonus: Find and maximize strength in others. BS is easily threatened.
How might leaders move toward authenticity and away from BS?
How have authentic leaders influences you?
Guy Kawasaki and Peg Fitzpatrick’s new book: “The Art of Social Media: Power Tips for Power Users” (Very useful!)
I sense a great personal story behind this. Can’t wait to share this blog with a couple folks I know who are professional BS detectors.
Thanks James. I was surprised at the inclusion of being great at detecting BS as a key factor in success. But, then, as I thought it over, it made perfect sense. Cheers
Can you expand on “Release shame for personal demons.”?
Thanks Mark. I find that shame motivates us to put up walls and pretend we are something or someone we aren’t. One way to release shame is to have close friends who know some of our “dark” secrets and/or fears.
In the end, shame makes us cover up and moves us away from authenticity.
I’m not a big fan of sharing this stuff publicly. That just seems needy. However, authenticity includes acceptance of the darkness too.
Thoughts?
Dan, I appreciate your insight, daily. Darkness stymies my leadership and your words inspire me to continue recognizing and ending shame. Thanks, Mark
Thanks Dan – this is timely for me … I am working with a new team and we will be conducting a values workshop soon .. the CEO often talks about ‘no excuses’ and enjoys sharing dreams … there is opportunity to formalize this so that it applies to all in this organization – even these who ‘say it’ 🙂
Thanks Coach. The think that feels really good about your comment is how you intend to align yourself and your team with language you hear from your CEO. Alignment feels powerful and frees us to pour ourselves into something without fear. You helped me think about this in a new way. Cheers
“I am what I am and that all that I am..” Popeye the Sailor
That line between who we authentically are and what we want people to perceive is a very tough one, really I think its a constant battle, and perhaps we –in a sense– pull ourselves forward by acting like who we hope to be.
1 Cor. 11:1 seems right for the season …
Thanks Ken. You got me thinking about my aspirational self cp. my current self. The tension, as you indicate is real. Perhaps, as long as we don’t lose our current self in pursuit of the aspirational self we are moving forward with authenticity…. just thinking…. ???
Cheers
Dan, I have a question about two points you made:
1) “Focus on behaviors not people”
and
2) “Relax when you’re disliked.”
What does point 2 look like in terms of behaviors?
Thanks Bruce. Great question.
1. Don’t try to convince people their wrong about you before you explore who they are.
2. Thank people for negative feedback.
3. Spend more time with people who add energy than those who drain it.
4. Explore to see if your missing something.
5. Look at it as an opportunity to grow, especially in the area of compassion.
6. Let it go and move on. (Don’t keep talking about it.)
????
Does that spur anything in your thinking?
So would there be more damage in calling out a “poser” if everyone knows their demons and their authenticity is lost on the team—and the “leader/poser” doesn’t realize it?
Your answer above seems like that would be this poor leaders advice from you once called out.
Great post with powerful application. The follow-ups Q’s on “how”, “what” and “why” show that these ideas hit a nerve (for me, at least)!
Abide by the “rules” you lay out for others. Example: a budget freeze means everyone, not everyone except the leader.
Great post Dan. I learnt to cut the BS when my boss used too much of it – it was painful to watch.
Now every time i am asked a question about a task completion i answer yes or no. If they want more detail when it is a ‘No’ then i focus on providing perspective and actions towards the completion rather than excuses for the failure. It was a great step forward and previously i didn’t consider my self a BS’r – i now know different.
The same with those who work for me – if it’s not done now, don’t tell me why, tell me when.
” “I fell short because ….”, is BS.”
But you have to know why you fell short. If you don’t, what’s to stop you, or someone else, doing it again.
Don’t use not making excuses as a way to conceal faults
Two other elements to one’s “own BS” – especially a leader’s – are consistency and accountability. Say a leader issues orders for an employee to do something, that has the strong potential to raise health and safety issues for, say guests or visitors. The employee follows the leader’s orders. Major fall out happens. The guests get ill. The leader calls out and blames the employee. Whether it happens once, or a dozen times, it points to a major problem with the leadership. What’s a wiser way for employees to handle repetitive leader behaviors like this?
I’ve been told that my BS filter is always set on stun.
I find it very difficult to call people out on their BS yet remain diplomatic. They are strange bedfellows.
I am too often listening to BS thinking that it is vampiric and stealing my time and energy. If anyone has suggestions on tactful ways to illuminate BS, please share; I can use all the help I can get 🙂
Serena,
You need to learn that “don’t give me that BS” or what bull did you just crawl out from under look. Looks can kill as they say. Sometimes words are not necessary. If words are necessary, breathe and tell it like it is. There is no need for “diplomatic” stress. Let it out, no fears girl.
Thanks for that 🙂
Your words are reassuring and I know I have “relaxed b-tch face” so I’m sure I’m always giving my “withering look of disapproval” 😉
It’s nice to know that calling out the BS is ultimately essential.
Love it! There ain’t nothing like calling yourself out—using my sweet n low southern twang.
Nice place here and info about leadership.
Hi Dan
I’m a huge fan of the work of people like Alex Turnbull (Groove), Josh Pigford (Baremetrics) and the team at Buffer. They are living the first tip you give
“1. Reveal your journey. Authentic leaders don’t mind sharing successes and failures.”.
Each of these businesses publish open metrics and blog about the journey they are on as they grow their business. I’m sure this authentic, no B.S. approach to leadership is a big factor in the success they are enjoying.
Kind Regards.
David Pethick
Co-Founder, http://leading.io
Really a great post… One because it is so true, and two because we should always start with ourselves!
In my circle we have been talking the subject of bullying. A true authentic leader is not a bully. They don’t “take down” the innocent to earn credit or accept trophies for mowing down the less skilled. Authentic leaders see the courage in others and embrace their short term struggles with guidance, help and instruction.
Well said! Nicely put! Thank you for the great post.
Your first statement: You(as the person calling out BS) need to understand the difference between an excuse and a statment as to cause/path to correction. The person making the statement may not understand the difference (but should) – the ‘best friend’ who calls them on it should always be able to recognize the difference.
Spot on as usual!