The 4 Powers of Respect and How to Earn Them
Being respected is better than being liked.
Those who need to be liked, end up disrespected.
4 powers of respect:
- Opportunity. Respect comes before advancement and promotion.
- Engagement. The danger of disrespect is disengagement.
- Attraction. We move toward people we admire and away from those we disdain.
- Impact. Respect enables you to matter more.
5 behaviors that invite disrespect:
- Out-do everyone.
- Avoid tough stuff. Run from tough conversations, decisions, and situations.
- Ignore the impact of decisions on others.
- Keep people at arm’s length.
- Refuse to change your mind or worse yet flip flop like a fish on the dock.
Bonus: Be a kiss-up.
15 ways to earn respect:
Leaders receive respect because of position, but lose it because of behavior.
- Lift others. Think back over your life. I bet you still admire those who helped you be better. For example, bring teammates to the meeting to report for themselves. Don’t report for them. (You may need to mentor them through the process.)
- Invite people to teach you.
- Reach high. Teams mock mediocre leaders.
- Give respect. One secret to earning respect is giving it.
- Say thank you, a lot.
- Explore the difference between tough and aggressive.
- Maintain optimism without minimizing challenges.
- Forget about your title or position. Never say, “I’m the boss,” unless it’s to take responsibility.
- Open your heart. Don’t clench your fist.
- Be secure enough to laugh at yourself.
- Apologize. “I was wrong,” earns more respect than, “I told you so.” (Realize that failing in the same way repeatedly invites scorn.)
- Practice transparency and candor.
- Know and acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses. Authenticity earns respect.
- Connect with the front-line, not just top dogs.
- Ask, “What matters to you?”
It doesn’t matter if people like you as long as they respect you.
How do leaders lose respect?
What behaviors earn respect from others?
I met you a month ago Dan and started reading your blog. This piece is one of the best briefs on leadership I have read. I agree if you have to tell someone “I’m the boss”, something is off. Thanks for your insights.
Thanks Vicki. It’s great to hear from you and read kind words from someone who met me. 🙂
Maybe we should say, “I’m here to serve,” instead of “I’m here to boss.”
Best for the journey
Listening to people’s concerns and ideas and giving credit where credit’s due. Owning mistakes.
Great seeing you again, Rowena. Listening is a skill we often think we do well, but seldom do. Great add.
All the 15 ways mentioned agreed with you. Thanks for the post
Thanks Dan for the response, for a new blogger like me it’s really helpful.. I’m very much like your blog
Great picture. “Never say, ‘I’m the boss!’…” That is a great sentiment that all leaders should share. Another very similar idea is that when things go right, the team should get all the credit. And when things go wrong, the boss should take the responsibility! That is a true sign of leadership.
Thanks Jay. When the boss shines the light on others, others are more likely show respect. Thanks for your insights.
We’ve all likely heard variations on the theme, “It is better to be respected than loved”, I thought this was a great reminder on that along with some counsel on making that real.
Thanks – Deepak
Thanks Deepak. I’m glad you dropped in and shared a powerful saying.
Good morning Dan;
I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that those with an unhealthy need to be liked, end up being disrespected. I also believe many confuse being liked with being respected.
“They are ‘NOT’ the same.” If I were to compile a list of those I liked, and a list of those I respect, there is no question my ‘list of likes’ would be quite larger than my respected list.
Nice list of (4 Powers of Respect). Those who are poised for upward mobility remain vigilant for OPPORTUNITY regarding growth & advancment. Promotions, appointments, or otherwise, ‘climbing the ladder of sucsess’ almost always requires that respect be established 1st if sucsess is to ever be achieved.
In order to gain respect you must ENGAGE others. If we do not engage others, how can we expect to gain the respect of others? Effective leaders realize the infinate power in building positive relationships that help keep them focused on the things that lead to sucsess.
ATTRACTION; thts a simple one Dan. We all naturally drift toward and assosiate with like minded people we share commonality with.
‘Sorry’ Dan gota go. I’m at work and something just came up I must address N O W . . .
Your graphic is true. There will be times when all the wheels are spinning and no decision is imminent but decision time is rapidly approaching. So, yes the ‘boss’ needs to make that decision. Far better to remind those involved of the required decision time AND the reasoning for it – asking what’s the source of the spinning wheels.
In problem solving, I truly believe there are frequent instances when it’s far more productive to stop seeking the outcome and concentrate on what’s the current hurdle greatly impeding reaching that outcome identification.
Its so easy under stress when things aren’t going our way to resort to power instead of influence. To go to – because I said so, because I’m the boss, because… Respect requires slowing down to speak and act with intention. Power won’t earn respect, it will only create fear. Great article Dan – thank you!
Great Post Dan..!! Can you help me How to apply this thoughts to old school thoughts people ?
Been at a workshop all week and I am drained, trying to read all your post from the last week to get myself lifted up. Enjoying them (s) thanks.
Good article. I do these things already. Sometimes when you practice transparency and candor, it hurts at times. You open yourself to more criticism
This article hits on all of the important aspects and is truly inspirational. Thanks very much Mr. Rockwell for the post.
Dear Dan, when people don’t know you- where do you see the line between demanding respect and presenting your value?
Thanks Laurence. It seems like the situation is the dominant aspect of your question. How can we help people get to know us quickly? Generally speaking, I don’t see value in demanding respect.
It also seems that we should expect people to follow our instructions, if we have position and/or title.
What are your thoughts?