7 Ways to Stop Being a Grim Reaper Leader
Grim-Reaper-Leaders contaminate every environment.
People feel you before they see you. Have you ever walked into a space and felt a bad vibe before seeing anyone?
Radius:
Imagine waking up after an accident and learning that anyone who comes within a 50-foot radius of you dies instantly. That’s the premise of the movie Radius.
The main character fears there’s something in the air that’s killing everything. He eventually realizes he’s the killer.
7 Ways to Stop being a Grim Reaper Leader:
#1. Notice yourself.
Would you love to hang around you?
- What’s the trajectory of your language?
- What’s your tone?
- What’s your demeanor and body posture?
Positive presence expands the potential of others.
#2. Compare what is with what could be, not what was.
Positive leaders turn toward the future not the good ole days. Imagined good ole days sap the strength out of today.
Turn minds toward what might be, more than what was.
If you can achieve your goals by repeating the past, you need new goals.
#3. Value imperfect others. Everyone is imperfect.
Whiner-leaders circle the past and in the process devalue the people around the table.
#4. Stay active in public. Rest in private.
As long as you’re reasonably confident it’s not harmful, take action.
People who tread water all end up in the same place.
#5. Care for people but rise above their darkness.
Arrogance makes you overestimate your power to control. You can challenge, but you can’t force people to change.
Arrogance leads to discouragement.
#6. Deal with frustration.
Fear and delay allow frustration to fester into foolishness.
Anger explains what you don’t want. Figure out what you want.
#7. Enter every situation with two questions.
- How can I serve?
- How can I make things better?
What do Grim Reaper Leaders look like?
How might leaders manage their radius?
Nice, Dan. Simple steps. Me, I liken supervisors to terrorists simply because of the end result they have on people who need to work to support themselves and their families. Trust is mostly non-existent if you read the surveys. Engagement is mostly non-existent if you read the surveys. People would rather see their boss fired than get a raise, if you read more of the surveys.
What can we do to make these beleaguers lessen their terrorism? Change the measurement systems, deal with some skill deficiencies and get more of these supervisors to consider your list.
My view is that good people are simply making bad choices and modeling behaviors that they HATED before they were supervisors. Maybe we need to put more mirrors in the workplace…
Thanks Dr. Scott. Changing the measurement and reward system is huge. You get what you notice and you repeat what you reward.
Mirrors… now that’s an idea.
#7. Enter every situation with two questions.
How can I serve?
How can I make things better?
If people did this regularly, workplaces would be more pleasant and productive, churches more welcoming and cheery, families would be happier. Unemployment would virtually disappear if every potential worker asked these two questions. Wow. Powerful.
Thanks Pete. You are so right. I’ve found these questions a useful reminder when I’m frustrated or distracted. Just reconnect with your best self. This simple stuff really helps. Cheers
Great questions. Simple, Succinct, Focussed on the future.
One element of standard practice for servant leaders.
I was looking at our organizational demographics yesterday. Nearly 40% of my staff have been with the organization less than 5 years and are less than 35 years of age. Makes for an exciting work group. The challenge is the other half have been around a while. Many want to start conversations with, “let me provide some history.” You can hear the energy being sucked out of a room. Leading this group takes a lot of time, patience and conversation. Thanks for the reminder about my role. My “bets self” has gotten a little buried lately.
Also – fitting way to end today’s blog –
How can I serve? and
How can I make make things better?
I think that is pretty much what Billy Graham tried to do over his 99 years.
Hey Ken. Tension between the “old” guard and the “new” guard is pretty normal. In one way it’s a great problem to have. In another way, if it’s not navigated well, it turns into US vs. Them.
It takes some real skill to bring in the new without degrading the old. Or, to include the old as mentors rather than anchors.
Best wishes
Yes Ken / Dan,
Most often I see this when the old guard are resistant to change and wishing for past easier times; while the new guard are eager for evolution, improvement and change.
Can’t recall a single place I’ve been a leader at where this didn’t occur.
Your comment suggests this is a serious concern, Rob. I just had a conversation this week with a leader about this. He trained the old guard that it was their job to train the young guard to take over. I don’t have the specifics but he was quite enthusiastic.
This bit of the thread is at the root of my concern about looking forward and not back. I think if you can navigate that situation, then you’ve achieved a great balance between honoring the old while moving forward with new. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!” Perhaps the most common thread of these two groups can be mission. If everyone can see how something furthers the mission, they can agree – whether it be old or new.
Gosh. Dan. How may I help you is my tag line. I am comfortable serving, thinking outside the box and encourage team work by being self-sufficient/resourful on their line of duty. The resistance I get from management is ‘Perpetua, you are different and they are not like you’ I definitely don’t want them to change to be like me. I don’t want to carry their weight. This is killing me.
Thanks Perpetua. You have a great tag line! It’s probably important to define help. “Help” isn’t doing someone’s job for them. In addition, help that creates dependency isn’t help.
Help is more about adding something that others aren’t able to add. It seems like it’s bringing your unique contribution.
cheers
Well, this sweet little article is packed with wisdom.
~Positive presence expands the potential of others.
~If you can achieve your goals by repeating the past, you need new goals.
~How can I serve?
~How can I make things better?
Good stuff.
Thanks Connie. Your comment is the first time I’ve seen “sweet little article.” 🙂
There was an article a few years ago called “Is your manager a psychopath”. Some unfortunately still believe that people with aggressive, overbearing personalities make better leaders.
Thanks Gerry. Interesting title.
I’d like to add that aggressive leadership is fine as long as it’s equally filled with heart. Without heart aggressive is another word for mean.
Great point Dan.
“Leader” is a much different framework than “sociopathic manager.” I note that the article referenced used “manager,” which is good.
For me, BOSS spelled backwards is self-explanatory and when a manager says, “I’m the Boss,” my response is, “Yes, you certainly are.”
Great post Dan. I find myself in this situation currently. But instead of complaining about how things are I should use the current complaints to imagine a future where I have developed solutions. Thanx
Thanks Glen. I often speak with leaders who are in tough situations. The path forward begins with imagination. Once you get an idea of where you want to go, choose some behaviors that you can put into action today that align with your vision.
I just had a conversation where I asked, if this tough situation could talk, what would it call you to do or become?