5 Small Habits that Reform Jerk-Holes
Defeat comes in tiny steps. Jerk-holes usually become jerks slowly.
You show up five minutes late for a meeting, but no one says anything.
You lose your temper and like a toddler having a tantrum, you get what you want. Anger eventually becomes your default strategy for pressuring people into conformity.
You lose respect incrementally.
Second and third chances seem like permission. But kindness and compassion are opportunities to improve, not permission for persistent irresponsibility.
You send a text message in a meeting. Before long, its common. People feel devalued because you exempt yourself from common courtesy.
You come to expect special consideration. Ego blinds you to the tolerance of others. After all, you’re the boss.
Kindness evokes gratitude in the humble and entitlement in the arrogant.
5 small habits that reform jerk-holes:
Small blemishes grow into giant boils. But small improvements eventually blossom.
#1. Act like it’s your first day on the job.
Three or four times a week, dedicate one hour to reconnecting with your inner novice. Show up five minutes early for meetings, not five minutes late, for example.
#2. Become the boss you wish you had. If you work for an incompetent leader, learn behaviors to avoid. Stop interrupting, for example.
#3. Never give yourself permission to do anything you wouldn’t honor if your subordinates did it.
Would you tolerate a subordinate answering an email while you are talking to them? What gives you permission to do the same?
Humility says, “I screwed up.” Arrogance minimizes small indiscretions.
#5. Recommit to learning and development.
- Read books.
- Get a coach.
- Seek feedback.
Tip: Stop thinking of another person while reading this post.
You cannot habitually violate the rules of influence and succeed. You might get results. You might make money. But every time you disrespect others – you diminish yourself.
What small allowances diminish a leader’s influence?
What small improvements expand a leader’s influence?
Mini Habits (Stephen Guise)
The 20 Bad Habits (Marshall Goldsmith)
12 Weak Habits Every Leader Must Break (Inc)
I had to laugh at your tip. “Remove the log in your own eye before trying to remove the dust speck in someone else’s eye.”
Thanks Justin. It’s so much easier to notice a small fault in others than a big fault in ourselves.
How sad but true: “Kindness evokes gratitude in the humble and entitlement in the arrogant.”
And yet I had to laugh when you said: “Stop thinking of another person while reading this post.”, because you know we all were.
Have a good day. Stay humble…..and laugh.
Thanks Mary Ellen. Glad you enjoyed the last line. I wrote it for me more than others. 🤗
I don’t understand …
Multi-tasking while focusing on your stuff
Is not a virtue?
Dan, Your posts always seem to be so relevant. Simply uncanny. Dale
Thanks Dale. I’m just working through all my own problems. 🙂
I needed this reminder today. Novice mindset. Thank you Dan!
Your tip was the slap in the face i needed. Made me laugh, but also made me take a step back and re-evaluate myself. Thank you
See, I think that I’m nice and then you point out my being late to meetings and staring at my phone. Self-improvement is painful, Dan. But this jerkhole is committed to getting better. In about five minutes. Right after I send this email.
I love the way you are no nonsense in your posts Dan. Even if someone doesn’t acknowledge it outwardly, chances are you are hitting a nerve. Self awareness is the first step to success. I love this message. Thank you.
Very good read. Some simple things, but accumulated they become Jerk-Holes!
I’ve had others help me by bringing to my attitude to my attention. The guy I want to be is humble, understanding & cares about teammates. Sometimes, frustration starts to win and I head toward being a jerk. The kind words of others help me re-center and I sincerely appreciate their bravery!
The post offers suggestions that I think would be beneficial for a Supervisor in our organization. Unfortunately she doesn’t know and or think that she is a jerk-hole. You hit the nail on the head as described in the rules, she continually breaks. As I am not their direct Supervisor, I don’t know how to make her aware of how she could benefit from some of the suggestions. Maybe emailing her this post?
Maybe by forwarding this article with a blurb about that you really have benefited as a leader from this blog and that she may benefit from it as well?…
Brandon Ivie good suggestion, might give it a try