The Secret to Bringing Out the Best in Others
Support too little and challenge too much – you kick butt. People are stressed and discouraged.
Challenge too little and support too much – you coddle. People are comfortable and sleepy.
The secret to bringing out the best in others is finding the ‘right’ ratio of challenge to support.
Ratio:
Your challenge-support style sits on a continuum.
The right ratio depends on the person you’re dealing with, not your preference.
Style:
You treat people the way you treat yourself.
If you enjoy challenging yourself, you enjoy challenging others.
You judge others through the lens of your challenge-support preference.
High-challenge leaders think high-support people need to toughen up. But leaders who enjoy feeling supported think high-challenge team members are jerks.
Identify your ratio:
Success is about bringing out the best in others.
Seek feedback on your challenge-to-support ratio.
The goal of understanding your challenge-to-support ratio is learning how to maximize human potential.
Project:
Ask team members to place you on the challenge-support line. Are you more supportive or more challenging?
Introduce the project by saying, “Good leaders know how to challenge and support people. Challenge without support is frustrating and discouraging. Support without challenge slows growth.”
Exploration:
What am I doing to help you feel challenged?
What am I doing to help you feel supported?
Draw a circle on the line that indicates the ratio of challenge-to-support that works best for you. (There is no right answer.)
How might I move the line toward a better ratio of challenge-to-support? (Look for behaviors.)
Alternative:
Ask everyone on your team to complete the project in private. Combine results and explore.
Challenge-support tip:
Notice energy. When someone lights up, notice and explore.
“I noticed your energy go up just now. What’s going on for you? How might you bring that energy to your current project?”
What’s your ratio of challenge-to-support?
What ratio works best for the people around you?
Blank support-challenge line:
Wise words as always. I do like the flip of perspective to think about how your team like to be challenge and supported as opposed to what you like. It is useful to remember that how you are seen as a leader is all in the perspective of the follower
Thanks Rob. We can be frustrated because we feel one way about ourselves and others feel another. Bridging that gap can take our leadership to a new level.
Learning to adapt to others is a challenge for us when we believe there is ONE way to do things. Cheers
Dan–good points/ Getting the balance or ratio right is often a work in progress.
I few years back I published a book that described the 3C Leadership Model. It discussed the three common themes that leaders take when dealing with people.
1. They challenge people
2. They build people’s confidence
3. They coach people
As you coach, train, and mentor people, they feel more confident and are more willing to take on bigger and bigger challenges.
If the challenge you provide perfectly aligns with the person’s confidence level you have hit the sweet spot.
My informal research indicates that leaders do a lot of the “challenging piece”, but often fall short when it comes to coaching people and building confidence.
Thanks Paul. I’m so glad you shared your insights. An acronym is sweet!
Your observation that leaders do a lot of challenging and not so much supporting matches my observation. You hear things like, Just do your job. In the end, these leaders are using themselves as the measuring stick. That degrades people.
Good word. I plan to incorporate these ideas in upcoming meetings with my team.
On a related note, a 360 evaluation was just completed on me by several peers and direct reports. While I rated high as affirming and inclusive, several of my colleagues said I was uncomfortable holding people accountable. I don’t want any changes in my behavior to backfire and my team feel less supported. What are some ideas of how I can creatively ask my team members how I could hold the team more accountable?
Thanks so much!
Thanks Jason. So glad you found this useful. Congratulations on completing a 360. It’s a powerful tool.
If you read below, you will see some input from Mary Ellen
Your question about holding people accountable is important. This post is based on the idea that everyone is unique. Some perform better with more support and others with more challenge. With that in mind, you might ask each team member what being held accountable looks like to them.
Just a thought.
Best
Good morning Dan! I love this post and want to conduct this exercise with my Team. Do you have the support/challenge graphic without the black line drawn on it? I’d like to print it and give to all of my Team. Thank you!
Thanks Chris. I posted a support-challenge line above.
Perfect, thank you Dan! Have a fantastic day!
Hi Jason: It’s always easiest to hold someone accountable when you can refer back to a documented ‘agreement’ of what was expected from them. This may be Minutes to a meeting, a signed PIP, etc. — but the point is there is no confusion about what was expected. Then, the party that is falling short needs to own it and explain how they will remedy it. You may find there were gaps in understanding or skills — in which case you can go to coaching/teaching mode — but accountability doesn’t get taken off the table.
Thanks for adding your insight, Mary Ellen.
Dan, I absolutely love the way you expressed this dynamic and illustrated it with the exercises. This is one I am definitely passing on to others. I can see how the challenge-support ratio can be helpful outside of work, especially with my children and spouse. I personally believe that leadership principles and practices such as these are relevant both inside and outside our worlds of work. Thanks for sharing. I’m feeling encouraged after reading this!
Thanks Daphne. It’s so great that you see application for parents in this post. Mom and dad are leaders too and it would be helpful if we saw ourselves through that lens. Best wishes
100% agree Daphne. I think parents are the definition of servant leaders … challenging and supporting their children as they learn to succeed in this big world.
Thank you Dan for your post, I always learn so much from them. What’s your ratio of challenge-to-support? This is constantly changing depending on knowledge /experience.
I’d say “timely post, Dan” however that would be redundant – all of your posts seem timely, which tells me that you have your thumb on some core struggles.
“Support without challenge slows growth.” Resonates with me because I am a supporter and didn’t realize until recently that I am guilty of slowing growth. This is absolutely true. I am now working on challenging more to help others grow (as well as myself).