How Compassion Answers Anxiety
Anxiety is a merciless taskmaster that slaps you in the night.
Anxiety is a jockey whipping a horse. Everywhere the horse runs, the jockey goes too.
When you open the door, you find anxiety waiting.
How to answer anxiety:
Fighting anxiety creates more anxiety. The best you can do is answer anxiety.
Focusing on anxiety validates anxiety. But if you ignore anxiety, people will think you don’t care.
Compassion answers anxiety.
Anxiety and compassion don’t play well together. Anxiety wants to protect itself. Compassion wants to serve others.
Anxiety makes you small and self-concerned. Compassion makes you big and expresses your best self.
One commitment:
Use anxiety to awaken compassion.
Commit to take care of each other.
Respond to anxious people with your best answer and a commitment to care. You might need to say, “At this time we don’t know. But I know we’re committed to take care of each other.” (“But” creates a powerful contrast.)
Show up to take care of someone.
Ask yourself, “How will I take care of the people I meet today?” Ask the care-question on your way to the office. Before making a call, ask the care-question.
Ask your team, “How will we take care of each other today?”
Ask leaders, “How will we create an environment where people take care of each other?”
Act with compassion instead of working to eliminate anxiety.
Customers:
Take care of each other so you can take care of your customers.
Ask everyone, “How will we take care of our customers?”
What exacerbates anxiety?
What might leaders say or do to answer anxiety?
Bonus material:
Compassionate Leaders are Effective Leaders (Greater Good)
7 Inspiring Traits of Compassionate Leaders (Entrepreneur)
Thanks Dan. This is not any easy time for healthcare providers. And I am seeing lots of compassion. Warm regards. Stay safe. Kerry
Kerry Eaton
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Thanks Kerry. Great seeing you here today. Healthcare is facing real stress.
We can keep an open heart, even if we can’t touch each other. 🙂
May I suggest a singular edit:
“…we don’t know, AND we’re committed …”
to one another?
😉
Thanks Rurbane. I debated on the use of “BUT.” I wrote “but is an eraser” not that long ago. Appreciate the suggestion.
That might be the right place for an eraser.
That was my choice this morning…AND I can see that an AND could work also. The BUT felt like it had a little more punch. Thanks Ian.
Erasing another’s concerns (their personal “anxiety”) is a mistake (i.e. not compassionate); it subsumes what we do (think we) know personally to the (yet to be resolved ) chaos of global proportions … that’s not helpful. It creates more anxiety than it resolves. IMHO.
“We can keep an open heart, even if we can’t touch each other”. Wow, powerful stuff, Dan!
We need not be selfish for ourselves and leave Toilet paper on the shelfs! Understanding the fact everyone has needs for supplies and shop normal, if you see elderly suffering help them, share your items you intended to hoard and help others. Acts of kindness will surely outweigh the selfish!
Thanks for the encouragement, Tim. An alternative to “how can we take care of each other,” is “What does kindness look like in this interaction?”
Mindfull-ness is a useful/utilitarian concept of constructive value here.
In neurobiological terms,
anxiety is the transitive state
that we normally experience automatically
(without awareness, more or less instantly)
between the DMN (default- mode network)
and the Task- Positive Network(s) in our brains,
which normally aren’t active at the same time
(therefore the “sense” of anxiousness) because
the DMN is primarily self/internally aware, and
the TPN is primarily environment/externally aware.
Our normal state of consciousness is constantly switching between the two (both are relatively inactive in sleep, and both generally aren’t active in the same instance).
When we get strung out between the two
(what do I DO vs. what do WE DO),
we become (more consciously) aware of the dissonance (anxiety).
That is, between our self-interests (passion), and
our other-interests (compassion); between our personal struggles and our shared struggles (struggle being the definition of passion).
Case in point: My brother’s celebration of life was 2 days ago AND no family member gave a second thought to attending, while no work friends attended (by decree of the employer). All family members who had any potential symptoms of anything self- isolated themselves at home to their personal detriment, and the rest of us trusted in each other in that fact. Time will tell whether this was “mindful” enough … but I seriously doubt any of us will regret it in any case.
Life and love move on.
Thanks Rurbane. Your observation that we anxiety is automatic is helpful. Noticing it is helpful so that we can choose our response/answer.
You have my regards concerning your brother.
The point is, when anxiety is noticeable, then be mindful of it, and what it represents, so you can be mindful of others.
Thank you, Dan, for meeting us where we are and speaking a word of compassion over the noise of our anxieties.
Thanks Daniel. A good word helps and avoiding cable news might help even more!! 🙂
There is a term that has come to the forefront of veterinary medicine in recent years. This term is “compassion fatigue” and has been used for multiple professions, but especially those working towards the care of others. Compassion fatigue is the weariness or exhaustion after dealing with or witnessing firsthand the suffering of others. People who experience compassion fatigue are often very empathetic people who ultimately become the sponges of other people’s emotions. With an alarming number of veterinarians committing suicide, this topic addressing anxiety and compassion hits close to home. Additionally, this is a topic that needs close attention for the medical and public health professionals working tirelessly on the coronavirus pandemic.
It is difficult to separate one’s own anxieties from the building anxiety of others on a team or the general public. In contrast, it is important to recognize anxiety for what it is. Anxiety can be exacerbated when it is not allowed to be addressed, understood, or is brushed off as unimportant. If leaders ask their team to just tirelessly work onwards and not allow them to openly address their anxieties, this environment can quickly lead to compassion fatigue or potentially post-traumatic disorders. Leaders need to recognize that anxieties may be arising in their teams and ask what resources their team feels they need to cope. For frontline workers or disaster response teams, counselling services may be appropriate to allow individuals to cope with their anxieties while still enabling them to provide compassion to those they are working to help. Furthermore, leaders can encourage their teams to check in on each other. Instead of asking someone how they are doing and waiting for the obligatory response of “I’m fine” or “I’m good”, urge people to ask this question in earnest. People are often uncomfortable with sharing their true feelings as it may make them look weak, when in reality others around them are likely having similar feelings. If leaders can foster an environment where teams are able recognize and share their anxieties, then support can be put into place to help alleviate these negative feelings.
Hi Dan,
I think you have written an interesting perspective on anxiety and compassion, however, in my experience the two interact very differently. In my experience my desire to act compassionately creates anxiety. The thought of not doing enough to serve or care for others can make me anxious. Further, when I am anxious about deadlines or things that need to get done, I tend ti make myself anxious thinking that I am too focused on my work or deadlines to go out of my way to serve others with compassion. I wonder what your thoughts on this are.
I do appreciate that you are encouraging and promoting compassion. I think during this crazy time it is easy to get wrapped up in your own head and it can be difficult to take the time to reach out to others. This is not an excuse, but we do need to cut ourselves some slack as we adjust to a new normal. I recommend looking into “heypluto”. It is an SMS based service that can basically send you text message reminders of little things you can do for the people in your life to be more compassionate. For example, it can keep track of friends birthdays or remind you to reach out to a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with.
From my experience, anxiety is the primal monkey part of our brains trying to keep the modern conscious parts of brains safe. That nervous chatter is just trying to help and needs love and warmth to sooth it’s fears.