7 Signs You Let Others Control You During Emotional Turmoil

You must know yourself to manage yourself.

Self-aware leaders choose how they show up.

Low self-awareness means you can’t manage yourself with authenticity.


be your best self - don't let others bring out your worst

Emotional turmoil seduces you into self-forgetfulness. When you forget yourself, others control you.

7 signs you let others control you:

Spontaneous responses during emotional turmoil don’t reflect your best self.

  1. Outbursts of anger. Every time you lose it, someone else rules you.
  2. Obsessive thoughts, especially about the offense of others. Inner chatter runs wild when you forget yourself.
  3. Obsessive focus on people-pleasing. The need for someone’s approval means they control you.
  4. You’ve lost yourself when you need the last word.
  5. Compulsive competitiveness. You won’t play unless you can win, means the performance of others controls you.
  6. Resentment and bitterness. Others control you when you resent their success.
  7. Backstabbing and gossip. The person you tear down is controlling your thoughts and words.

You surrender control when others become justification for self-defeating attitudes and behaviors.

7 ways to show up with self-awareness during emotional turmoil:

Self-awareness enables authentic service during emotional turmoil.

  1. Choose outcomes that bring value during emotional turmoil. How are your reactions or responses reflecting or violating your values?
  2. Align thought, speech, and action with your best self. Speak like momma is listening.
  3. Notice hot emotion. What does anger say about you?
  4. Seek input while formulating plans or responses. Emotional turmoil clouds thinking.
  5. Reflect on your words and actions. How might someone describe you based on your words and actions?
  6. Pursue feedback on interactions. Others help us see ourselves when they describe what they see us doing.
  7. Journal about your actions and interactions with others. Bring emotional turmoil to mind. Record your thoughts and intentions.

Use hot emotion to clarify and intensify self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the first step toward showing up as your best self during emotional turmoil.

How might leaders show up as their best selves during emotional turmoil?

Bonus material: How to Show Up During Emotional Turmoil (Leadership Freak)