Self-Distancing: 4 Ways to Expand Perspective
You don’t think straight when emotions are high. Stress makes you stupid. You resort to fight, flight, freeze, or flee. Emotion distorts perception. Ruminating gives too much weight to negative details. You lose perspective.
You lose perspective when the self who experiences is also the self who analyzes.
Self-distancing enables a new way of seeing. LeBron James used self-distancing when he left the Cleveland Cavaliers and went to the Lakers.
4 ways to practice self-distancing:
#1. Third-person talk:
“I didn’t want to make an emotional decision. I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James ….” (Self-distancing)
Distance yourself from your emotions by reflecting on painful experiences and difficult decisions in the third person.
Instead of, “I’m stressed,” think, “Betty is stressed.”
Instead of, “I should calm down,” think, “Carl should calm down.”
Instead of, “I should make a decision,” think, “Mary needs to make a decision.”
#2. Fly on the wall:
Your think clearly when advising others but feel confused when solving your own problems. Imagine yourself as an observer not a participant. What would you suggest if you were giving advice to a friend?
#3. Advice from an admired person:
Instead of, “What do I think I should do?” ask yourself, “What would grandpa do?” You could also use a person from history as long as you are knowledgeable about their life.
#4. Time travel:
Imagine it’s a year from now. What would your future self want you to do? What decision will make you proud next month?
Conclusion:
Decisions are more logical when you become a detached observer.
How can leaders expand their perspective during painful experiences and while making difficult decisions?
Which of the four strategies seem most useful to you?
Still curious:
How to Make Decisions Like a Leader
Decision-Making for Leaders: Beyond Pros and Cons
Some research:
The Power of Distance: How Embodied Visualizations Change Self-Regulation
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/200-06559-003Self-distancing as a Mechanism for Processing Negative Emotional Experience, Lena Etzel, Yale Review
This is interesting to me … about ten days ago I was struggling with taking an action, after bringing it up to my wife over coffee, she simply said “find your real Ken, and do what he says”. It reminded me that we and get wrapped around the problem and lose focus on the steps toward solutions.
I like your four shifts
Thanks for sharing your story, Ken. Love it. We lose ourselves to hot/painful emotion. Stress literally narrows our field of vision. (I read that once.)
I think my challenge can be that I don’t know myself. 🙂
The other thing you say, “lose focus on the steps toward solutions.” We can get so engrossed in an issue/problem that we forget to find the path out.
Thanks. I needed those glasses. What a great way o look at the problem with a new lens. 🤩
I love these ideas. Last year while making a career decision, one strategy that was suggested by my coach was to look at the decision from the perspective of the end of my life. Many meaningless details were revealed and more important things became clear. Combined with your idea to look from next year, maybe, might give me a mix of medium- and long-term thinking.
ugh… third person? Having a tough time with this one. Although I get it. Distance.
Just don’t talk in the 3rd person out loud. 🙂