Overcoming the 4 Lies of Status
Status is more than the way others see you. It governs the way you see the world. It’s a lens you use to see yourself. Loss of standing assaults your confidence. You wonder who you are.
Self-importances rides the wave of status. Social standing swells on the way up. Prestige splashes on the beach and vanishes on the way down.
The 4 lies of status:
#1. The more status you achieve the less you care about personal growth. After all, others need self-development, not you.
#2. High status makes you smart. You can’t wait for others to shut up so you can give them the real answer.
#3. Status insulates you from responsibility. The higher you go the more you blame. When you’re really good you set others up to take the blame.
#4. Status is happiness.
Status and self-perception:
Status distorts self-perception. Losing status is an opportunity to rediscover yourself.
- Negative feedback destabilizes when it persecutes self-perception.
- Relationship struggles make you wonder who you are. Are you loveable?
- Losing your job chokes identity. The more you identify with status the more you gasp.
You have intrinsic value, but we usually define ourselves by the things we do. When you can’t do what you did you become human again. You remember, for example, how it feels when you’re on the other side of termination.
Overcome the lies of high status:
#1. Practice self-reflection but remember self-reflection done in isolation leaders to self-deception. Read our book, The Vagrant, for more on structured self-reflection.
#2. Learn when you think you don’t need to.
#3. Seek input and help before you need it.
#4. Practice humility.
#5. Listen and ask curious questions (Not judgmental questions).
How do you see the impact of status on others and yourself?
Go deeper:
Eye-opening Self-Reflection Questions for Leaders
4 Ways to Seek Help Before You Need It
My Disappointing Adventure with Humility
A little book about humility.
John David Mann and I give readers an opportunity for structured self-reflection in our new book, The Vagrant. There’s hope for you if you occasionally see yourself in the story.
I learned this lesson long ago. As you know Dan, I was the CEO of one of the Rockefeller foundations in my mid-20s. When I resigned to take another job, suddenly I started getting “uninvited” to events. Since I no longer had decision-making authority and access to Mr. Rockefeller, I became useless to many people. As soon as my status disappeared, so did they.
Hi John. Yes…often Status perceives that only others with Status are valuable. It’s a shame.
Lie #1 is so true! I see this regularly.
Dan Titles, in most organizations, mean very little. I often tell people who get a big promotion to remember that they considered many of their old bosses out of touch with the current issues. Make sure other employees don’t end up thinking that about you!
Brad
I love the line “self-reflection done in isolation leads to self-deception.” Phew!! Have you read Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute? Curious about your thoughts!
Nice