The Day I Gave My Wife Instruction
Yesterday my wife said, “You drive weird.” In a professorial tone, I told her, “That’s judging, not observing.” She got instruction she didn’t ask for.
I continued the lesson, but she was laughing too loud to hear me.
Getting a rise:
Truth is I was driving ‘weird’. I was speeding up downhill to capture momentum and save gas. I slowed instead of braking to avoid wear—when no one was behind me. I exaggerated to get a rise out of my wife.
Feedback-Correction-Instruction-Coaching-Mentoring
The purpose of feedback isn’t judging, instructing, or correcting. Give feedback to help people see themselves more clearly.
Feedback comes before correction. “I noticed you arrived late for the last three meetings.”
When you correct, get to the point. Don’t use manipulative questions. When you notice a pattern of arriving late, say, “I need you to arrive on time.”
Instruction or coaching follows correction. When appropriate, adopt a coaching approach. Ask, “How important is arriving on time to you?” If their number is low, ask, “How can you make it more important?”
Perhaps you’d like to mentor them. “This is what I do to arrive on time.”
Giving Instruction to Your Spouse:
My suggestion is don’t teach your spouse. However, my wife enjoys teaching me how to drive. Apparently, a moment-based driving philosophy doesn’t make sense.
What relationship do you see between Feedback-Correction-Instruction-Coaching-Mentoring?
When to Coach and When Not To | AMA
Are you OK Dan? I hope so. You must have had a death wish. In my relationship with my wife, that would have been a ‘yes dear’ moment, not a teaching moment.
Kind regards, Barry
Hi Barry. I think danger is fun. 🙂
What relationship do you see between Feedback-Correction-Instruction-Coaching-Mentoring?
Feedback: Describing their behavior and the consequences of their actions.
Correction: Informing the person about the changes they need to make.
Instruction: Demonstrating to the person how to do it.
Coaching—three approaches:
• Directing involves telling a person what to do and how to do it.
• Discussing involves asking questions and soliciting their ideas about what to do and how to do it.
• Delegating—encourage them to go off independently and reflect on a past situation, identifying what they did well and what changes they intend to make to be more effective, along with the reasons why. In a future meeting, have them describe their insights.
Mentoring could encompass any of the above actions.
Through coaching and mentoring, you aim to develop the individual’s ability to self-assess and self-correct.
I always enjoy reading your comments, Paul. There’s a lot behind what you wrote. One of the key ideas is giving people an opportunity to see themselves in a new light. We often change when that happens.
Dan, Thanks for the post and the chuckle! I also appreciate Paul’s thoughtful responses to your post. Thank you both!
Phillip, great seeing you again. Laughter is a medicine.