A Life Less Frustrating
The way you deal with today’s frustration reflects the leader you’ll become tomorrow.
Frustration is an alarm clock;
a spotlight pointing:
a match burned too long.
Frustration is a gift that says pay attention.
Don’t get frustrated with frustration. Frustration is feedback on decisions and relationships.
Frustration’s goal:
The singular message of frustration is change.
- Usually, it’s you.
- Sometimes, it’s others.
- Perhaps it’s processes and procedures.
Repeated frustration:
Frustrations that return want attention like neglected children.
Ignoring frustration makes frustration mad.
Successful leaders choose responses. Weak leaders react.
Choose who to be:
- Welcoming. Open up don’t close down. “Come in, let’s talk.”
- Calm. Cool down don’t heat up. Nothing says confidence more than calmness during frustration.
- Able. Assume a do-something posture.
Bonus: Optimistic. Express optimism while acknowledging realities.
Choose what to do:
- Acknowledge don’t ignore. “That’s frustrating,” is better than, “It’s not that bad.”
- Run toward not away. Deal with it now or you’ll deal with it later. Curiosity coupled with courage expands leadership.
- Stay focused not distracted. Frustrations that distract from the big picture grow larger than they are.
Bonus: Involve others don’t act alone. “What can ‘we’ do,” is better than, “What can ‘I’ do.”
Three warnings:
- Frustration in one area tends to bleed into others.
- Don’t let short-term frustrations make long-term decisions.
- Frustration’s biggest danger is it’s ability to create imbalance.
Rudyard Kipling wrote:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
…
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it …
How do you deal with frustration?
Well….
Frustration simply means I am not doing it right!!!!! It you say? Wha dat?
It means being self centered, egocentric and Ruler of the Universe as opposed to
Other Gods kids centered, people centric and a servant to my Higher Powers will.
Thin line sometimes between a spiritual experience and a nervous breakdown! Hehe
I bet some of you itchy fingered downthumbers figure you can wrest happiness and satisfaction out of this life if only you could manage it well. My experience leaves me with only one response for you, good luck wit dat!!!! Hehe
I used to drink and drug to mitigate the pain living life screwy, self centered life strategy cause it distracted me from the pain of my misguided strategy. What do you do? Kick your dog? Yell at people cause it is their fault they don’t know the only reason they are here is to make you happy? Lol
What to do? Have a Spiritual Experience as a result of working the 12 Steps that brings about a physic change. No human power can help but HP can and if we make but a small effort his/her way he/she makes the way easy for us.
Just have to be convinced any like based on self will is doomed. Well are ya convinced yet? Lol
Keep sharing this 12 Step thingy has to do with a plan for successful living, not not drinking. Any of you getting that yet?
I Concur!!
SP Out!!!!
Thanks Scott… first in today. Were you up early?
Lol my friend you were earlier today caught me on the way to the office instead is mentally focused on what was in front of me at the office!!!!
Hope you had a great Father’s Day!!
SP Out. Or maybe HP thought my bloviating might be of use to someone else and gave me first crack!!!!! Hehe
Great starter for a new week! “Move toward the frustration” is a defining trait of real leadership (IMO) we always seem eager to simply get out from under…
Well let me see if I got this right?
The choices are developing a manner of living of ease and comfort OR sticking my hand in the mouth of the Lion?(for the slow that us an analogy of moving into frustration) hehe
Ok call me crazy but think I gotta throw my vote into the calm still water choice.
My opinion is get my own house in order then attract not promote.
I grow to serve others. I guess I could otherwise lick my finger and stick it in an electrical socket!! Wow I guess I could choose that.
Don’t wrestle with the pig in the mudpit, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Stand above the mudpit(get your own house in order) and let the little piggies know the view from up here is better and you get a lot less dirty.
Attraction not promotion, but I cannot transmit to others something I ain’t got myself. If I got Pepsi I can’t serve a fella coca-cola!!!!!!!
SP Out!!!
Thanks for the thoughts Scott, I appreciate your comments. In my head the choice is not “calm waters” vs. “Lions mouth” – because the Lion does not disappear when I chose the calm waters! If it did I (and, I think nearly everyone else) would go with “calm.” So in my mind the choice is face the Lion or put it off in some fashion and let it continue to wait to pounce on me! the temptation is the think that if it hasn’t pounced today it will never pounce .. unlikely.
Hi Ken and deeply appreciate your thoughts.
Here is the thing I have discovered.
I have a belief in my gut. Then I have experiences and anything that supports my core belief I say to myself, “see, see” belief confirmed.
There is also other evidence the contrary!!! What then? Opps!!! I just say to myself, must have been a fluke!!!!!
I feel other people operate with their minds same as me.
Therefore, the belief the lion is still coming for you is true cause you will at this time will allow no other way for it make sense to you. I am saying contrary but I am obviously confused or mistaken, right? See how the thoughts we choose works?
Trust me no lions coming at me, I do not inspire them to come at me. And if they do pass by I just smile and wave!!! Since I do not play with them as I watch them walk by they go on to others that will inspire, breathe life into, them and make them a real part of my experience.
The cool thing about the way the human mind works is AFTER I understand I am the one choosing and more importantly choosing to repeat those thoughts and then filtering out any evidence to the contrary…..then and only then am I ready to accept the responsibilty that my little world is my responsibility and my choices of what I choose to think.
Just trying to say I hear you, just trying to share I found for me I have a choice if I want the responsibility of taking it.
Have a great day and Thank you again kind sir for sharing with me.
SP out!
Courage seems to be a top word when I think about moving toward frustration. Perhaps, laziness vs. initiative is another important idea.
Glad you joined in today. Have a great week.
Love your point that we should acknowledge rather than minimize when others come to us with frustrations. Our natural response is to “make people feel better” when they come to us frustrated. What a terrible response! When we shrug off expressed frustrations, we shrug off the frustrated.
Thanks for bringing up an important idea… it may be that what frustrates you doesn’t frustrate me…in that case, minimizing the frustration makes people feel minimized. Cheers
Yes. Very true. There’s nothing worse than for leaders to ask what can be done, get the feedback, and do nothing but add to the frustration. It’s not about feeling better; it’s about resolving the problem. Once the cause of the frustration is dealt with, people will feel better. I just witnessed a person being shrugged off enough to walk away.
I’ve learned that you cannot make sound decisions when you’re frustrated about an issue. As you indicate, it’s important to acknowledge the cause of the frustration but it’s also equally important to seek the cause of the frustration and find ways of dealing with it. In order to effectively respond to frustration, we need to take a deep breath, step back to see the big picture, and use our knowledge and expertise to come up with positive solutions for the causes of the frustration. I remember a few times feeling frustrated when I received notes from parents that were offensive and unreasonable. I always gave myself a chance to cool down so that I can think rationally and respond properly.
Dan, it would be great if you can address specific examples of frustrations that leaders (especially educational leaders) may deal with on a regular basis and how to respond to them. Just a thought. 🙂
So, one way to run toward frustration is to step back and look at the big picture.
Thanks Tagrid. Have a great week. And, thanks for the suggestion to pick out some specific frustrations and give us all a chance to think and interact about them. Cheers
“Calm. Cool down don’t heat up. Nothing says confidence more than calmness during frustration.”
I have generally found when I take the ego out of the conversation and approach it with a cool professionalism, we can usually tackle the source of frustration or eliminate it.
So often I’ve seen when frustration is coming from a person’s actions, the reaction is that we must “beat” them, as if this is a competition. However, if that’s a colleague we need to win them over. If they are determined to be an obstacle, we must go around them. There is nothing to be won by fighting them.
Thanks Rob. I’ve been thinking how it takes two to create tension. When one stops pushing against the other the tensions diminish. Your suggestion to take ego out allows us to focus on the issue. Well said… cheers
There is always lots of valuable lessons within frustration…
Thanks Carly. Best wishes
Nice post Dan. Great quote “Successful leaders choose responses. Weak leaders react.” Frustration really is a great way to wake yourself up and make the changes needed to overcome them. I have consulted with many clients who get blinded by frustration and stop moving forward. Once they recognize the source of it, acknowledge the impact, then turn it to fuel it is a great thing.Great points about the warnings as well!
I have found that acceptance can often mitigate frustration; frustration can sometimes be born of reluctance to accept that which one cannot change.
Additionally – acceptance is the first step to change that which one can; so indeed, embrace it and run toward it.
Great post!
“Curiosity coupled with courage expands leadership.”
My favorite quote of the whole thing. That’s a tweetable for me.
Of course the whole post is good. Similar thoughts to a friend of mine who’s a poet, engineer, traveler, web designer, entrepreneur, new father. Check out his post here:
http://thebrightarmy.com/respond/
Self control is pretty much the key to everything.
Hi Dan,
Great post…..keeping calm is the best advice to start with. It helps everyone around you calm down as well and work together at resolving issues.
Thank you! I so needed to read this. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
Appreciated the warning: Don’t let short-term frustrations make long-term decisions.
So when does short-term become long term then?
Not all frustrations can be “fixed”, but this article highlighted the importance of “fixing” versus “powering through” in order to keep short-term frurstrations from becoming long-term and affecting decisions and reactions. Thanks for the helpful insights.
While networking, this young lady said to me,
anytime something is beyond your control and you don’t like it ” Roll the window down and toss it out the window”.