Ten Tips for Overcoming Discouragement
Bubbly people drive me crazy. They’re out of touch with themselves, others, and the world.
Leaders who never feel discouraged are incomprehensible.
***
Don’t trust anyone who’s always happy,
excited, or pleased with life.***
Every leader fights a never ending battle for improvement, growth, excellence, and progress. It’s the “never ending” part that gets you down.
Apart from intervention, discouragement sets in.
13 sources of discouragement:
- Allowing others to define you.
- Feeling out of touch when you thought you were in touch.
- Disappointing performance from teammates.
- Stalled progress.
- Falling short.
- Underutilization. You could make greater contributions.
- Details blocking progress.
- Feeling misunderstood.
- Closed minds.
- Loneliness.
- Toxic environments.
- Unavoidable disaster.
- Failed communication.
Every discouraged leader feels one or all of four things:
- Helpless.
- Hopeless.
- Disconnected.
- Exhausted.
Finding Encouragement
Connect:
Bonnie Ware, palliative care nurse and author of, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” explains the number one regret expressed by the dying:
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself,
not the life others expected of me.”***
In all your connecting, connect with yourself first. Authentic connection with others begins by connecting with you.
- Find solitude and reflect on you not others. Others are a smoke screen to real issues.
- Courageously and kindly declare yourself.
- Monitor your emotions. Lean into joys; answer frustrations.
- Bring your true self to challenges and opportunities.
- Leverage strengths; compensate for weaknesses.
Energy:
You’re never at your best when you’re tired. Problems are bigger and success is smaller.
Regret follows exhaustion. You end up saying, “I wish I hadn’t said/done that.”
Refuel your tank:
- Hang with positive people.
- Let someone care for you. It’s time for self-reflection if no one cares for you.
- Do more of what you love.
- Eat healthy food.
- Sleep or nap.
How do you find encouragement?
Courage is key. That means you have to learn to “embrace the shakes” as someone once said. It also means you have to get good at accepting rejection because sometimes your “great ideas” will be shot down, scoffed or the big fat NO will just be in the form of the never ending silence the lack of reply gives you.
In this Tedx Talk, Jia Jiang also shows that having the courage to try to learn to live with rejection without being discouraged can have truly unexpected positive benefits: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFWyseydTkQ
Stay safe
Always Care
Paul
Leaders who never feel discouraged are not incomprehensible. They just have psychotic tendencies!
Only thing I disagree with in this post – everything else is spot on!
Love love love this! This post tells me it’s okay to feel discouraged at times. That discouragement is the subconscious asking you to take a break and take care of yourself for a little while. My mum was a single mum looking after two small darters and her rule was when mum is happy, everyone is happy, or what is good for mum is good for everyone. I think this works in so many areas of life. It can sound selfish I suppose, but it isn’t if the end result is more energy and zest to invest in the project or dream. Thanks again for an encouraging and thoughtful post.
Whew Dan!! Stellar stuff this good morning.
Simple works best for me.
We have two emotions, love and fear. All wonderful feelings flow from love as all discomfort flows from fear. Take a little time to trace all feelings back to these two. It works, it really does.
We enter the world, get our bottom spanked and start living, breathing, thinking. We learn from people doing the best they know.
Jesus said forgive them Father cause they know not what they do. Result spiritual malady. I do not know who I am, you are and who God is.
Move forward trying to make sense if it all satisfying the questions and directives of my ego. Problem is i dont understand ego neither. It’s purpose to to ask the next question, not to be satisfied. Silly ego, silly me for listening to it!!! Lol
If I do understand ego(edging god out). I stop trying to satisfy it. Simple but it don’t go easy frolicking into the good night let me tell yas!!!! Lol.
Anyways what has worked for me and MILLIONS of others is to know who I am, really am, who you are and who God is. I had a spiritual awakening as a result of working, not reading about, thinking about, doing the suggested 12 Steps.
One thing that helps me a lot recently is The Sermon on the Mount Emmett Fox. Free on Internet in PDFs. Last part of that book is The Lords Prayer broken down into a chapter per part.
The founders of AA spent lots of time studying learning talking to this dude!!!!! Good move God, I say!!! Getting those folks together to bring about the better way, all inclusive and stuff!!!!
Like the first part. OUR Father. Lets us know God is OUR Father and We are ALL his kids. Equals.
Anyways what works for me is living a Spirit Dependant life not a Self Centered one.
The 12 Steps will get any of Gods kids there. Simple stuff just google the AA Big Book. Read and do what it says in the first 164 pages and the appendixes have some cool stuff too.
Just substitute ego everywhere you see alcohol.
Or continue down the wabbit hole trying to prove the wrong idea of believing you can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of his world only if you manage it well. Ah, you can’t!!! Many many better, smarter, tougher than u already done tried!!!! All failed you will too! Hope you realize it today!!! Hehe
We are spiritual beings having a human experience. If your trusted advisor don’t get it…..time for a new trusted advisor!!!!!
Just like my opinion based on my experience, man. Not saying it will work for you, Saying it might and working quite nicely for me. 29 years sober and clean and happily trudging the road to my happy destiny.
SP back to the present
“There is a principle that is a bar against all information which is proof against all arguments which will keep a man/woman in everlasting ignorance. That principle is contempt prior to investigation. Herbert Spencer. AA big book in appendixes.
Kinda like having an opinion of Defining Moments….Bob Chapmans video about the better way to Lead with never having watched it. Sad.
I think the point I got from this is that great leaders seek encouragement rather than waiting for it to find them. This post is a great starter map to help us find our way.
WOW! The regret of the dying is a powerful message to the living! Thanks for sharing.
Lean into joys; answer frustrations. Not avoid like 99% say, but ANSWER: Just love that. Thank you.
My dad would always tell me to live each day with happiness and joy because when your feet hits the ground its all downhill from there. It took me years to understand this but now it makes so much sense. If you have the opportunity to wake up and take a breath you’re in good shape and should be happy. Do you know how many folks did not wake up today? Bottom line – Millions of folks have it much worse than you and would love to be in your place versus where they are. I’ve met many great leaders who “seemed” always happy and I trusted them. I now understand happiness and enthusiasm is a mindset. I feel encouraged that I have a new day to make a difference each day. Remember – when your feet hit the ground, carpet, floor its all downhill from there. Good stuff.
Interesting post. We need to take care of ourselves to take care of others. And in taking care of ourselves, we are always searching for better ways to live and improve. This ongoing hunger for learning and improvement is what ultimately leads to living better lives and setting examples for others.
I appreciate the need for sustained commitment, courage, and perseverance. But why amplify “hate?” Isn’t it enough to say we doubt, question, or wonder, about those who always seem “bubbly” or content? And, if these are leaders, how much more can we do by questioning them and sharing our concerns, rather than expressing the powerful negativity of “hate?”
I appreciate the need for sustained commitment, courage, and perseverance. But why amplify “hate?” Isn’t it enough to say we doubt, question, or wonder, about those who always seem “bubbly” or content? And, if these are leaders, how much more can we do by questioning them and sharing our concerns, rather than expressing the powerful negativity of “hate?”
Great post Dan. THANKS for the encouragement.
Dauna
As an actuary, I stopped counting how many people tell me to go finish all these certification exams, get well-rounded background in all actuarial tracks.
It takes courage to stand for what I believe. I takes energy away having to explain to people why I don’t do what others do.
My encouragement comes from looking to my past and noticing how I have been able to move forward and succeed regardless of what people say I need to do.
I’ll define my actuarial career however I want to. Who knows, maybe I won’t be one 5 years for now. What matters most is that I follow my passions without compromising my values.
The world is filled with people that break the norm daily. why can’t I be one of those?
Love this post. Thank you. Living the life others expect of us, instead of exploring and discovering the life that brings us meaning, joy and fulfillment, is exhausting, demoralizing and sad. The journey to self-discovery is not always easy and perhaps never really ends, but with each step, we are one step closer to knowing we are on the right path.
This is an amazing post. So much truth and wisdom here. Will honour it with a reblog. Thankyou.
Love this post, Dan. I am terrified of having that same regret. Sometimes it’s easy to succumb to these discouragements. The most empowering (and challenging) belief, though, is that we own the outcome and have the greatest ability to influence it.
Balance is key! Thanks for the reminder.
Hey Dan
My first coach used to talk me through how to turn down “radio I’m not good enough”. I have to remind myself of this often. the first part is to recognise the signs, the second part is check the reality, the third is to take actionable steps to address your current situation (like connecting with a well respected friend), the fourth is to remind yourself of what you have conquered before and the last step is to do it all again.
Nice post and it’s very interesting to see how many of your readers connected with it.
thanks
Richard
Hi Dan,
I can’t even tell you how absolutely timely this post is for me personally. I work in aerospace and currently the division I work in has gone through an upheaval in the form of (dun dun duuuun) a new director. Unfortunately, this director is exhibiting all of the “bad” behaviors you have mentioned…according to your blog he is in serious need of a reality check. I’m debating the future of my career with this company…or even within aerospace. I’m at a crossroads and this post today about finding encouragement and taking care of ourselves has actually brought a tear (or ten) to my eyes this morning. It’s so discouraging to see how this one person has almost singlehandedly, and over the last seven months, greatly demoralized our entire division of over 1000 hard working and genuinely amazing people. I keep finding myself uttering, “It doesn’t make any sense!” numerous times daily. I’m also a contractor so although I’ve never been made to feel like an outsider, I am to this company and it pains me to know that my voice while equally angered and confused really won’t be even a blip on this new radar. I realize I have some work to do on myself but I still believe that having a leadership title like “director” or “CEO” or “Senior executive” does not automatically make one a LEADER over night. I still believe that an attitude of servitude and desire to bring out the best in people is absolutely essential in order to be an effective leader. There is so much ego in the job titles I’ve listed above and frankly, ego has a very small part to play in true leadership…in my opinion.
This post today has reminded me that in order to be a good and effective leader one must also be able to honestly look inward with integrity and the desire to be better. Leading by example is often said but so rarely done.
I read your blog daily and even dare to print some of them out and hang them up in the break room. I can tell when I’ve hit a nerve because those posts only last mere hours on the bulletin board. 🙂 It’s interesting though that the quote I posted of your line about intention not automatically translating into action has so far prevailed the test of time. Anyway, I digress…thank you for your meaningful words. Bonnie Ware’s quote solicited a physical reaction in my chest…thank you, thank you, thank you…for helping me (and several others!!) refocus.
Great Great ideas collected together in a great post ! Never trust anyone who always stays happy….Can’t get the whole Idea though ?
Dan, I think it is about perspective. When people ask how I am doing today I reply “couldn’t be better”….. why…..because when I think about the alternative I am doing pretty darn good. I have a job, I don’t have cancer etc. If I don’t bring energy to the table and have a positive outlook, who will. I usually agree with most things you post, today I think you missed your coffee in the first paragraph. Today “I am not going to choose to let others define me” and be positive.
I also found this article encouraging since I wrestle with discouragement at times. But I agree with those who challenged the “I hate bubbly people…” section — IMHO that is not something to put out there respecting the huge diversity of the audience. Some people really are more naturally “bubbly;” not all of them are being false. I can imagine saying something like that to one friend over a coffee…
I did appreciate the main points though, thanks!
Sleep or nap. Best cure for grumpiness since being a toddler.
You know, the best line is the one about living a life true to yourself.
Bubbly people?? Well, an overdose of them drives me nuts!
Thank you. I have enjoyed your blog for some time now and this along with so many others have hit home again for me. The idea of “leaning into joys, and answer frustrations” is so true and something I need to improve in. My emotions often get the better of me and will inevitably elevate my feelings of discouragement. Again, big thanks, for each and every post. I value these daily reads.
i lov this its really encouraging
My mom is the bubbliest, most positive person I know. At 93 years of age, she is a dynamo for Jesus, speaking publicly, praying for others, leading Bible studies, giving her testimony, and generally loving others with her heart and hands. She is neither out of touch with herself, others, or the world. Quite the contrary. Jesus is her joy, and she’s managed to never allow naysayers to steal it.
Needed to find this tonight. Thank you.