Five Ways to Turn Adversaries into Allies
Forget about strolling through life and ending with extraordinary impact. Leadership is never an accident. Influence is intentional, focused, and earned.
Leaders intentionally have point B in mind.
Bob Burg’s new book, Adversaries into Allies, explains how leaders earn and ethically leverage influence in order to arrive at point B.
#1. Control your emotions.
We make emotional decisions and back them up with the facts. We rationalize. Or, as Bob said, “We rational lies.”
Earn influence by responding rather than reacting. Responders control their emotions. “Every positive interaction starts with controlling your emotions.”
#2. Understand the clash of belief systems.
We believe that what we believe is what everyone believes. We make decisions based on unexamined beliefs. Influence begins when we believe others have different belief systems.
#3. Acknowledge their ego.
Ego wants control. The clash of egos ends influence.
Ego is our sense of “I.” We pursue happiness in our way. Stop thinking the people out there have ego issues and you don’t.
#4. Set the proper frame.
Don’t create adversarial environments.
Influence has an environment. “Every uncomfortable transaction has a frame. The question is who sets it. Allowing others to set the frame is relying on luck.”
- Avoid reacting with anger. Anger leads to anger.
- Seek solutions not blame.
#5. Communicate with tact and empathy.
Tact is the language of strength. Leaders with tact correct and keep others receptive to correction at the same time.
The key to empathy is communicating that you understand how they feel. If you don’t understand how they feel, communicate that you understand they are feeling something.
- Lose influence and create adversaries by neglecting these five principles.
- Influence isn’t adversarial.
- Effective influence builds a team of allies not adversaries.
This post reflects my notes from the first fifteen minutes of Bob Burg’s presentation in Harrisburg, PA on 10/29/13. His presentation was based on his new book, “Adversaries into Allies.”
How can leaders turn adversaries into allies?
I guess this means I should stop holding meetings in a ThunderDome re-creation.
I like the idea that I’ve read from principled negotiation (Getting to Yes) where you put the person that might be an adversary on the same side of the table as you.
I have a ThunderDome leaning. Lets get in there and duke it out until someone wins…I think I need to read Bob’s book again.
Love the same side of the table…
Yo D, knocked it outta the park today!!!
The Duder Abides
I believe I can turn adversaries into Rockstars by getting to know them and connecting with their why.
Cool thing is this is the only way folks will just call it different stuff, connecting bonding, developing a friendship, collaborating, all descriptiors of connecting those wonderful whys!!!! in my opinion. Yada Yada Yada!!!!!
All about connected whys Simon says! I believe him.
SP back comfy in now watching the show unfold
Get to know people… bingo. What makes them tick. Accept it don’t fight it.
Great post! There is an saying, “Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate!” Turning adversaries into allies would be a great help to achieving influence.
I don’t think I like that saying! 😉 It’s just too true.
Controlling personal Ego is really a challenge.
Ain’t it the truth. If it isn’t all about me then who could it possibly be about? 😉
solely encompass virtue
WOW – what a tremendous honor for me to see that my book is featured on my favorite blog. Thank you so very much!!
It’s an honor to know and learn from you Bob.
Excellent post, Dan, but I think one admonition is in order.
There is a class of people who will always be adversarial, and make up about 3% of our society, according to Dr. Martha Stout. They are sociopaths, those people who have no conscience and who care only to advance what they perceive to be important, especially if it causes hurt to others. Her book “The Sociophath Next Door” is well documented, good for understanding sociopathy, and was helpful to us in a situation we faced 2 1/2 years ago.
Unlike other adversaries who are well served by the 5 steps above, the best way to deal with sociopaths is to avoid them so that they cannot manipulate, lie, and otherwise cause pain – something they love to do.
As leaders, we need to protect our organization from sociopaths as well by distancing our organization from them. This saves much angst, lawsuits, hurt, and allows the organization to focus on its purpose rather than those who seek only to hurt.
Great add Marc!!!!
Bob Chapman in his video at Scott Air Force base, (tedtalk), no not my Air Force base! Lol
Bob says, “what do you do with the people who don’t get it”?
Well some can, some can’t, some shouldn’t. Socio’s fit in there somewhere!!
Bob says, “just work the ones who do”! Don’t waste your valuable time!
AA big book says the same thing!!! In my world, AA big book and Bob Chapman say it, GOLD NUGGET!!!
Thanks for sharing.
The Dudest Abides!
Shifterp back to now!
Thanks for the simple – smile. A smile goes a long way and cost you nothing but could gain you everything.
I could not agree more! This one is really good!
This is a great post and the five ways which leaders use to ethically leverage their influence needs to be written in stone.
Taking specific reference to aspect of “Understanding the clash of belief system’, I might add the following.
As leaders, we need to become conscious of the fact that what makes people do what they do is based on how situation occurs to them. We learn to gain trust and influence by being mindful of other people’s terministic screen- a function of their background and competence area, and then talking to that screen. We become aware of how people talk of their future in terms of their past- how they create their default future thus and how their actions correlate with this default future. We can then expand our leadership influence by engaging, teaching and coaching others to create a a force multiplier effect to achieve breakthrough performance.
Getting to this several days after writing, but finding it insightful and valuable. In my experience getting myself reigned in is the biggest challenge… there’s a reason for the “our own worst enemies” sayings!
Fantastic Dan as usual.
Somebody said – the greatest form of influence is love.
I have disagree with this article. Leaders who do the right thing will have adversaries. If one person is doing the right thing and the adversary is doing wrong , why should you make peace or try to get along?