Seven Rules for Talking Like a Successful Leader
The problems of leadership begin with words. Say the wrong thing and clients head for the door. Relationships blow up. Production declines. Tensions escalate. Employees lose motivation.
Words are the most powerful tool of leadership.
The secret real leaders know is every word matters.
Wise words create. Foolish words destroy.
Creating with words makes you god-like. The sacred texts of Judaism , Islam, and Christianity, say God spoke and the world was.
Power:
The power of words to create is only exceeded by their power to destroy. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you, is an evil lie.
Negative words are 5x stronger than good.
Think of a creative word as one stick of dynamite and destructive word as five sticks of dynamite.
The power of success and failure is in the tongue. The life you hate was created by the words you spoke, either to yourself or others.
Everything leaders do begins with words.
7 rules:
- When in doubt, stop talking.
- Death wins. It is easier to kill with words than give life. A friend of mine asked some clients, “What’s the most encouraging conversation you’ve had with a boss?” One person had to go back 16 years to think of one.
- Speak purposefully. Know why you are talking before you talk. A few foolish words cause a world of trouble, heart-ache, and pain.
- Correct sparingly. Every time you say, “I meant no harm,” you caused harm.
- Affirm persistently. Stupid affirmations do less damage than stupid corrections.
- Listen more. Trouble awaits when you use your mouth more than your ears.
- Think out loud in small groups.
Bonus: Leaders who love to talk have more problems than those who don’t.
Believe in the power of your words. Words make or break leadership.
What rules for talking like a successful leader can you add?
Great post Dan! When I look at the list I only see 7 things I really need to improve on! 🙂
Always Care.
Thanks Paul. Me too! I guess there’s still hope for both of us.
I need to get in on this since I’m right there with you 🙂
Straight to the point Dan… Thanks!
Thanks Daniel.
Ok ready!!!!!!
Do this Dan like me……gently!!!!!
Lol hey at least I have a sense of humor about my badass self!!!!!! Hehe
Simon Sinek new Ted Talk video. I high recommend all who consider themselves Leaders watch.
I say what Simon taught me. “Be a magnet to those who believe what you believe and as repulsive as humanly possible to those that don’t”!
Just saves time, yours and theirs. You won’t turn them to your way of thinking so do not waste your time and theirs trying.
Spend that time finding one who believes what you believe.
I believe our Leadership Model, mostly implementation is shameful.
1. 80% of employees hate their jobs
2. They steal billions to help them try to feel better
3. 97% of the worlds wealth is controlled by 3% of the population
4. 97% of folks who start businesses online fail to make any money.
I AM for changing these terrible results.
Anyone believe what I believe?
Join me I got a Plan!!! Just ask, gladly share.
SP
EA
Thanks Scott.
A very well thought piece. Mustapha Tahir
Thanks Dr. Tahir.
My grandmother used to say: ” A word is not a finger, you cannot retract it”.
Thanks Nicholas. Grandmother was right. How many times have I wished I could pull a poorly chosen word back….
Also Winston Churchill Said, ” We are masters to the unspoken words, but slaves to those that we let slip out.
Great post Dan
Kymee
Right on target. I need to carry these 7 rules with me and review daily.
Thanks Breck. Me too!
Sometimes we forget that words carry energy alongside “information” and the listener drives their sense of meaning from the combination of the two. Thinking about some of my past managers “damned by faint praise” is the line that comes to mind – less damage would have been done if they had never spoken at all!!
Thanks Jackie. Bringing energy into this conversation is so helpful. Do the words we use create or drain energy? Kapow!
Great leaders also understand and speak the language of their team rather than their peers or more senior leaders. They avoid VP lingo and elaborate on terms when they slip up.
Great post Dan, this one will definitely stick with me today.
Thanks James. Wonderful add! Use words that make sense to the people you are speaking with. Doh! You’d think we would all practice this. But, the desire to look more important motivates us to use language that we think makes us look important. When we do, we may look important, but we certainly aren’t effective.
Maybe our tongues should be black like giraffes as a reminder as how much they can destroy without thought. Great visual ! Great post !
Thanks Nancy. Glad you enjoyed to image. When I saw the black tongue, I knew I had the image I wanted.
Dan can you speak a bit more on #7, please? Benefit? Is this to make you conscious of your own thoughts?
Thanks Ruprex. “Think out loud in small groups.” I tend to think AS I speak, not before, because thinking and talking go hand in hand. The problem with this is others take verbal thinking more seriously than I do. “Every word matters.”
I enjoy thinking with others, but, because others take my words more seriously than I do, I have to be careful with my tendency to think out loud.
I have some friends who understand “thinking out loud” they let me explore ideas, take ideas back when they are dumb, and develop new ones.
I need to do my thinking out loud in small groups. In public or large groups, I can’t think out loud in environments that won’t let me take something back.
Does this make any sense at all?
This is me Dan!!! I talk a lot (being female and all…) and I do a lot of speaking about my thinking. Which some people can take the wrong way. So I always feel bad about talking when really I’m just sharing my thoughts. Love this post, definitely ways to help me be more of a leader! Thanks!
God made us with two ears but only one tongue … we should get that message! Also God put our tongue behind two sets of locks … lips and teeth … we should get that message also!
Thanks Mitch! Good call.
“What rules for talking like a successful leader can you add?”
fewer words, greater meaning… stay constructive
Thanks Ken. Brilliant and brief. 🙂
Love it! One of my favorite mantras “Words create worlds.” So another “rule” might be: Stop to imagine what kind of world you are creating with the words you use. Leaders, parents, media, politicians, please note!
I wish I could give your comment more than one thumbs-up!! Leaders, parents, media, politicians . . . WORDS ARE POWERFUL. Use them to lift up those around you. In turn, we will ALL be lifted!
Great comment, Robyn! I hope the ones that need to hear this message are listening.
Hi Dianna, so happy we are having this conversation (Thanks again, Dan). Totally: When we lift up others, we are uplifted. That IS powerfully empowering. Thank you for saying so. (PS I just did a TEDx talk on this topic – TEDxNavesink – video will be out soon. I would be honored to share it with you 🙂
I have the TED app and watch videos from there all the time! I look forward to hearing yours and to forward for others to hear the message. Changing the world . . . one word at a time 🙂
Thanks Robynsb. I love a well turned phrase… Words create worlds.” Powerful!
We need more imagination in leadership. Imagine what you want. Imagine what you’re creating with your words. Imagine a better way… 🙂
Awesome, Dan. Appreciate the acknowledgment. Please adopt the phrase. It came to me through the worldview of Appreciative Inquiry, as a succinct way of describing the “Constructionist Principle”. In a nutshell, this principle is what you write about. We co-construct our worlds in relationship with others and with the words we use.
Great post Dan. We all screw up sometimes so maybe #8 should be apologize when you say something stupid or hurtful. Even though you can’t take the words back, a quick apology at least shows that you care about the person and that you are human and screw up sometimes!
I’m trying to teach this to my 10 year old right now. I had no idea this would be such a hard lesson to be learned. This is a very important step, though. Great point!
Thanks Carrie. Those who can’t apologized, have shallow relationships. Strong connections grow when we acknowledge our screw ups. Those who never screw up are fakers. You can’t connect with a faker.
This is very apropos my current challenge Dan, and has made the Rockwall. Allow me, however, to improve upon your analogy. Think of a creative word as one pristine stick poplar ready for turning on the lathe while a destructive word as five sticks of dynamite. 😃
Thanks Steven. I’m thankful for you and for your improvements!
Sage wisdom, Dan. What you’ve said goes back 2000 years. Here’s how similar advice is shown in the Bible:
1) “Speak things that are not–as if they already are.” –Romans 4:17
2) “Just as we speak and say…is the way it shall be.” –Numbers 14:28
Thanks Books. I’m glad you stopped in again, to add your perspective.
Was thinking you could have used a picture of Miley Cyrus! Yes. I agree. words have power.
Diana
Thanks Diana. Great illustration of getting in hot water because of things we say. I’m not sure I could find a suitable image of Miley. 🙂
The Proverbs of the Bible are full of words about words: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit (Pro 18:21). Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances (Pro 25:11).
Thanks Pete. Powerful wisdom.
Good Morning Dan;
Rule #8: Everything looks like a nail when your only tool is a hammer.
Thanks Alfred. I’d like to think that Maslow’s law of the instrument didn’t apply to me. But, truth is, we typically run to the familiar like babies run to the bottle. Then we try to make everything fit into our way of seeing and thinking. Ugh!
A close friend of mine recently faced a meeting in which he had to terminate a long-time employee for some very serious offenses. This was a union position and required the presence of a shop steward and members of corporate security. He sought counsel from a community leader who has decades of experience in leadership and has been extremely successful. His number one bit of advise was: “Say as little as possible in the meeting, only the facts and what is necessary for the employee to understand the situation. NOTHING MORE. Then stand and leave the room.”
He did that with great success and avoided a long, painful discussion that might have involved statements he would have made that might come back to haunt him in the “inevitable” appeal process with the union.
Great advise Dan.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Juanita. Why have a conversation if the decision has been made. It seems painful, but sometimes it’s better just to pull the bandage off and be done with it.
Personally, I’d like a more humane approach, but, when legal issues are involved and a future relationship is out of the question, just do it.
Glad you added your voice to this conversation.
Dear Dan,
I agree that words are the most powerful tool of leadership. It is also true that leaders use words purposefully. One should be careful in using words. It is not how much you speak but what you speak, that matters. But many times, people perceive differently about the person who speak less at workplace. I have seen people talking and talking and making no sense. And those with content and careful in using words, hesitate to engage into such discussion. And many times, such people get isolated.
So, it is important to understand where one should use words and what kind of environment one operates. Many times where people talk about their families, foods, children and dresses at workplace, I find awkward to participate into such discussion.Generally I prefer to escape such discussion, because I am poor into sharing such discussion. So, One rule for talking like a successful leader is to create environment where one can speak what one wants to speak and others can pay attention to it.
To make it successful, it is important to create a team of colleagues who can engage into useful discussion and appreciate the ideas and words that make sense.
I should have #1 put on a t-shirt. 🙂 As far as a rule I would add…I have appreciated a group leader who can take many ideas and find a theme, or follow a line of reasoning and suggest an action. I think good leaders not only listen, but add their value by creating a shared plan.
Great post Dan. Don’t we all need this as a ‘regular’ lesson several times a year! (grins)
You said, ‘Words are the most powerful tool of leadership.’
I was thinking about the word power and leadership this morning after I initially read this post. I don’t have any cold hard statistical data on me at the moment. Simply my own experiences with various people in leadership, including myself and experiences with my own children…
Perhaps most of us are ignorant to just how powerful our words really are to the significant people in our life. Whether it’s our children who look to us to provide for them…they are vulnerable and they love us…the slightest ‘critical’ word can cut straight to the heart and while we adults, in the midst of our ‘busy-ness’ may not even realize that we just attacked their fragile sense of ‘worth’.
It’s similar when we are working ‘for’ people. Or if we highly value and respect someone. And when we really love someone. The more we care, the more the words of those people matter…the more power they have.
It’s important that we learn to be mindful of this.
Thanks for sharing.
Dan, You are the best. I look forward to reading your posts every week, One more rule:
Don’t assume. Ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. Assumptions lead us to say stupid things. “Assumption is the mother of screw-ups.” – Anonymous
Thanks Dan
I really need to use these 7 tips a lot more!!!
I’ll go completely against the grain here. Against Dan as well as most of the commenters. It isn’t the words the shape the content of a leader’s speech – by themselves they mean little. It’s HOW you say the words that makes the difference.
When one person reads Lincoln’s great speech, The Declaration of Independance, it comes out flat and uninteresting. When another reads same, it sparkles, taking on a life of its own.
The key is in the intonations (tone) given to the words. All 7 of the “rules” mentioned above, are, in my view, of little or no help. Thanks.
Words are super important… especially when you are a leader, cause many people will take your word and follow it based on your reputation as a leader. My pastors always says that the reason God gave you two ears and one mouth is cause your supposed to listen twice as much as you talk.
Thanks for the post. Quick question, do you have a policy for using your stuff as a guest post. I have a blog with a small audience that would benefit from some of the stuff you write. Are you open to guest posting on my blog.
– Ariel
I must confess that I should have taken a leaf out of this post earlier.
Those who are constantly transmitting like a radio find it impossible to receive.
I have found that it’s critical to have some confidants with whom you can speak freely, particularly when you are very close to an issue. Having a trusted peer or mentor will help you ensure that what you are saying is really what you mean.
Speaking plainly without tempering your message can cause a lot of unnecessary damage. That is true. But being too careful with your words and reluctant to say what’s on your mind can give an impression of tentativeness and indeciveness.
i like rule #3. I have heard it put: W.A.I.T. = why am I talking?
Words have Power, a leader should be very careful while using worlds. It’s better to keep quite than using useless words. Very true….totally agree.
Thanks Dan! All this is common sense, but like my grandpa always use to say “common sense is so uncommon”… This is a direct & great article… Thanks for reminding and something I’ve to practice religiously:-)
Thanks, Dan. Very helpful reminders for me in that I also talk ideas outloud! Small groups of like minded people can be so energizing and encouraging.
Thanks Valerie. I’ve learned to keep my eye peeled for people who enjoy this process. It’s fun to build on, explore, and/or challenge each other’s ideas.