12 Ways to Overcome Fear and Confront Like a Master
Excellence requires confrontation.
Leaders who can’t confront:
- Live with nagging frustration.
- Fall below their potential.
- Lead unremarkable organizations.
4 reasons you avoid confrontation:
- Self interest. What if they get upset with you?
- False compassion. Real compassion confronts. False compassion avoids.
- Beliefs that confrontation is cruel. If confrontation isn’t helpful, don’t do it.
- Concern you won’t confront well.
12 ways to overcome fear and confront like a master:
- Believe in the ability of others. Protecting people prolongs weakness.
- Commit to serve others and make things better. Stress decreases the more you focus on serving others and bringing value.
- Reflect on past successes and failures, before confrontation. What worked? What didn’t work in the past? Confront your own failures or you’ll repeat them.
- Define what you want, but don’t practice (over-rehearse) what you say. Too much rehearsal makes you sound fake.
- Expand perspective. Pain limits perspective. All you think about is the toothache. Remember the big picture.
- Develop alternatives and chose one. Don’t look for “the” way. Find “a” way.
- Agree on issues. Confrontation means bringing up issues someone hasn’t acknowledged.
- Respond to defensiveness by asking, “What am I missing?”
- Use their language. One of the most challenging things I’ve heard was a simple question that contained my own words. I mentioned something I’d like to do, but had put on the back burner. He asked, “How could you move this to the front burner?” I immediately felt responsibility.
- Limit scope. “Everyone feels this way,” expands issues. “Here’s what I need from you,” narrows conversations to the immediate realm of control.
- Focus on what matters. Leaders who argue insignificant points stall progress. Ego needs to win all the time.
- Build relationships that withstand confrontation. How would you treat teammates today, if you knew confrontation was coming next month?
How might leaders confront like pros?