4 Ways Coaching-Managers Lower Stress and Succeed with Tough Conversations
Discomfort often tips people toward new behaviors.
4 ways to succeed with tough conversations:
#1. Have them quickly. Delay makes matters worse.
Say-what-you-see as soon as possible. If you’re concerned that you could be off base, say so. ‘I might be off base, but here’s what I see.’
- People feel picked on, when you bring up past behaviors. ‘Three weeks ago you ….’
- Delay under the guise of not hurting someone’s feelings hurts you and your relationships.
- Stress goes up when you don’t say-what-you-see. Long-term stress seldom makes things better.
#2. Discuss impact versus intent.
Most team members want to do well for themselves and others. They don’t, for example, intend to demotivate others.
You might say, ‘I bet you don’t intend to demotivate your team, but when you (fill in a behavior), they feel devalued (impact). How might you energize, rather than demotivate your team?’
Believe positive intent. Explain negative impact.
#3. Explain how they aren’t serving themselves well.
I’ve been experiencing hearing loss in my left ear for a couple of years. My wife motivated me to take action when she gently said, “You look stupid when you don’t hear what’s going on.”
Self-interest is a great motivator.
Tough conversations might begin with, ‘You’re not serving yourself well when, ….’
#4. Make room for personal concerns.
One manager, after discussing poor performance with an employee, asked a third party in the room if he could give him a minute with the employee.
When they were alone, he explained to the employee that he was surprised about the poor performance. “This should have been easy for you.” He asked if something was going on.
He took time to listen to personal concerns without inviting excuses. The result was relief and renewed energy.
What are the key factors that make tough conversations successful?
I love the idea of recognizing that the impact doesn’t always match the intent. I think this approach would lead to an open, honest conversation that doesn’t cause the person to play defense. Thanks for the insight!
Tough conversations go better when you have something to bring to the table. When you can offer nothing in the way of reward, encouragement or punishment expect hot air, very little changes.
For me effectively handling tough conversations is about seeing the other person’s potential, not their limitations, about really listening and letting the conversation change you, have an impact on you.
But then, the first question is, what do you want to get out of it?
Many times I have myself experienced employee not satisfied due to reasons such as remuneration Vs the work pressure, interest in work which can be taken care by small and frequent sessions of motivation towards work the learning and the next achievable short term goals
By setting short goals and supporting to achieve them the employee feels worth
And productive towards company which is a greater
2. By being less reactive and more responsive towards the employee who is making constant mistakes and is less productive::: a new comer always has a pressure to perform within organisation due to higher expectations levied by management due to which he tends to make mistakes rather than being reactive on his mistakes be assertive and reactive by making him realize the repefications and results of this which could create a bigger problem, ENCOURAGE HIM TO MAKE NEW MISTAKES EVERTIME and avoid the older one’s as this can be a better learning which could lead to perfection…
Crazy – Prashast