3 Things We Get Wrong About Humility
Humility and I stand beside each other like strangers on an elevator. We glance sideways, but we don’t stand close. The only thing I say is, “Have a good day,” when I step off.
Accident or intention:
I don’t understand people who are naturally humble. They probably aren’t faking, but I think they must be. Arrogance is natural. Humility is an acquired taste.
You never develop humility by accident.
You learn how to be humble reluctantly, usually the hard way. We keep humility at arm’s length because we misunderstand it.
3 things we get wrong about humility:
#1. Humility isn’t passive.
It’s not humble to admit mistakes and then play dead; it’s feeble. It’s not humble to screw up and look for sympathy; it’s pathetic.
Humility admits shortcomings and works to improve. Arrogance hides shortcomings to protect its image.
#2. Humility isn’t fearful.
Humility speaks the truth with kindness.
Arrogance protects itself by shielding people from hard truths. Every time you neglect tough issues or soften the truth, you prolong incompetence and weaken relationships.
Humility cares too much to disadvantage others.
Humility takes responsibility. Arrogance plays it safe for self-serving reasons. Humility takes the bull by the horns and won’t let go.
#3. Humility isn’t weak.
A person who doesn’t need your approval is dangerous.
Humility doesn’t do the right thing to impress anyone. Humble leaders ooze with calm grit.
Humility owns challenges.
Humble leaders know what they can’t control, accept their responsibilities, and won’t be bullied by either.
5 ways to practice humility today:
- Get mad about apathy. Embrace ambition for the work.
- Learn something. Try something new.
- Reflect on things you have learned from failure.
- Make room for others to be right.
- Practice gratitude. Humility and gratitude have an unbreakable bond.
What do we get wrong about humility?
How might leaders practice humility today?
Hi Dan,
Thank you for your insights – I love reading your posts and get great value in your advice.
In terms of this article, I am battling with this line:
A person who doesn’t need your approval is dangerous.
Please can you help me understand it in context of humility.
Many thanks Ilana
On Tue, Nov 30, 2021 at 6:43 AM Leadership Freak wrote:
> Dan Rockwell posted: ” Humility and I stand beside each other like > strangers on an elevator. We glance sideways, but we don’t stand close. The > only thing I say is, “Have a good day,” when I step off. Accident or > intention: I don’t understand people who are naturally” >
Thanks for your comment, IIana.
I’m glad you asked about this. Ego needs approval and will compromise to get it. You might think of a teenager who goes along with the crowd because they need acceptance.
Humility doesn’t need to gain acceptance to feel good about itself.
Being humble is knowing and accepting yourself.
A person who doesn’t needs the crowd’s approval will resist or reject an unethical crowd.
A humble employee won’t be bullied to violate their values.
A humble leader won’t bend the rules to please the boss.
Hope that helps.
Real humility is a hard target to hit, while fake humiliy is an easy condition to identify….
I recognize a Paradox, in order to lead we need a confidence in our course, while communicating it without a chain of “I” statements. Humility closes this gap.
You said “I don’t understand people who are naturally humble. They probably aren’t faking, but I think they must be. Arrogance is natural. Humility is an acquired taste.” I wonder if this applies differently to men than to women, since I don’t understand people who are naturally arrogant. In my experience, those people have mostly been male. It could be genetics, or it could be the difference in how, at an early age, boys are taught to think/behave versus girls.
I think humble people are honest and self-aware. They have a realistic view of what they were given from others (the creator, parents, coaches, teachers, etc.) and what they did to develop their talents. The arrogant person thinks it’s only about them. They did it all to be were they are today. .
How might leaders practice humility today?
Start by making a list of all the people who have helped you grow and develop in your journey to become an effective leader. Write a thankful note to all those who helped you.
Well written piece as always. I would like to understand your definitive statement “A person who doesn’t need your approval is dangerous.”
Dan, I would say—-
A person who doesn’t need your approval has the potential to be a leader.
I agree that humility should be the mark and goal of every leader. Humility comes from knowing who you are, what you can do and are capable of and are comfortable being yourself. Greg Mohr said “You cannot bless those you are trying to impress”. This applies across the board in life. If you are not comfortable with yourself and need others approval you will set yourself up for disappointment and will never feel fulfilled in your work or life. For those that wondered about Dan’s statement “A humble person is dangerous” this is what he is talking about. A person who is comfortable with who they are and treats others with dignity and respect, and is not out to impress people, is a person who is not going to compromise their integrity and character. Many insecure people feel threatened by that.
My father used to warn about being “proud of your humility.” I never fully understood that until I worked for a couple of people who were the walking embodiment of the term.
Great post on a difficult topic to understand well much less live out well.
My favorite quote about humility is from Eugene Petersen: “Our ancestors believed that humility was the human spirit tempered and resilient and strong.”
I am spurred on by Dan’s #1 way to practice humility today:
1. Get mad about apathy. Embrace ambition for the work.
I can’t help but to agree with you. Thanks for sharing.
“A person who doesn’t need your approval is dangerous”
For most of us, our leaders/managers don’t need our approval, merely our compliance. That’s just reality.