R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Few things sting more than the sting of disrespect.
Put-downs are nothing more than disrespect.
Facebook fans filled in the blank: I feel disrespected when ______.
- Someone looks at their phone or computer while I’m in a meeting they’ve called.
- Policy is determined by everyone except those directly involved for implementation and funding.
- Someone tells me how I feel.
- I don’t look after myself.
- People cut me off mid sentence.
Don’t respect:
- Fakers.
- Liars.
- Backstabbers.
- People who pretend to agree when they don’t.
Extend respect, don’t seek it.
People who respect you:
- Want to connect with you.
- Follow your instructions.
- Trust you.
- Speak well of you.
- Listen to you.
Respect feels like admiration.
Special group:
It took me too long to respect those who thought different from me. They were an annoyance.
The people who don’t think like you are hard to respect. But, they expand, extend, and challenge you. Add their perspective, where possible, without losing yours.
The people we respect:
- Respect themselves. Those who don’t respect themselves won’t respect you.
- Receive correction with gratitude.
- Pursue excellence and a tender heart at the same time.
- Admire those with knowledge..
- Succeed at helping others succeed.
- Use positive language more than negative.
- Tell the truth even when it hurts
- Demonstrate unique skills in their area of expertise.
- Honor those over them. (Boards, bosses, authorities)
- Chase noble goals.
- Aren’t bull headed.
- Reject arrogance.
- Act humbly.
- Use words sparingly.
- Learn from experience. They don’t repeat the same mistakes.
- Acknowledge challenges, but maintain optimism.
- Think about showing respect rather than receiving it.
Bonus: Earn respect by respecting decisions you disagree with – “How to Disagree.”
If you have to tell someone to respect you, they don’t.
Image source
What makes you feel disrespected?
What are the qualities of the leaders you most respect?
You are everything on the list of of “people we Respect”.
Thank you.
J
Sent from my iPhone
Thanks J. You are very kind. It might help that we don’t know each other. 😉
…Lessons for the corporate world that we should as well be teaching to our kids at home and in schools! Thanks for those reminders on what constitutes the essentials of mutual human dignity — at work, at play, in love, and in family!
Thanks Gerry. Love the word “dignity.” Thanks for bringing it.
Great stuff again Dan!!!
Ok guy on a subway!! Has kids making a bunch of noise real rowdy. Another Dude sees this, reaction……very annoyed. Just irate!
This dude is such a boob and is so hacked off he goes and tells the rowdy kids Dad…what is going on here? Your kids behavior is innapropriate….what is up with that????
The Dad looks at the Upset Dude and says…..well we just left the hospital, their mother, my wife just died. Guess my kids are not handling it that well, to be honest I am not handling to too well myself.
The point is THE best way to make a point is through telling stories!!!!! Lol no it isn’t!!!! Dagnabit!!!!!
The point is determine how I feel based on others is folly, foolish, stupid, dumb, arcaic, feeble minded…..holy crap, merry Christmas!!!!
I do not know the whole story why others do what they do! I have a nano second to choose to react or respond. It takes practice and I am getting better.
Mature adults respond. Silly immature children react.
I respect Mature Adults and Results!!
And random acts of epic kindness!!!
Yeah that’s the ticket, making copies!!
Oh yeah I respect epic storytellers!!! They rock when they are in the house doing their thing!!
I am only upset if I am upsetable, therefore I only feel disrespected when I am….. Drumroll…..disrespect-able.
All depends on what story I tell myself about what happens outside of me means. PERIOD!!!!!
Good day!!
Back to telling myself super cool stories and searching for opportunities for employing epic random acts of anonymous kindness!!
Creates oxy!!
SP
EA
Thanks Scott. So, earning respect is know people’s story?
Nice way to end the week, well done!
Cheers
Thanks Tim. You have my respect for all you do for others.
This is an excellent read. Thank you for posting this!
thanks!
I hope you don’t mind. I re-blogged this post and sent them to your site.
Good morning Dan;
If you want respect, you must 1st ‘give’ respect.Respect and humility are alot alike. If you feel the need to tell others you are respected, “your probably not”. Respect can not be demanded, it must be commanded in the way we conduct ourselves in all facets of our lives as well as threw our leadership. The words we say tell alot about us, at the end of the day, we should be proud of who we are. Our actions of course say alot more. “You can’t fake it”. You may pretend for awhile, but eventually the real you will come threw. I love your point about ‘admiring those with knowledge’. There are far to many leaders who prefer to surround themselves with (less than the best).Rather than surrounding themselves with inteligent, forward thinking, positive people that challenge others to grow, they choose the latter. These non-thinkers just go with the flow, they not inovative, and they never question your authority, your ideas, or your position. . This is a recipe for average performance at best. Why not instead seek out self motivatived, innovative people who share your vision and compliment your team. Choose people of diverce backgrounds, this inspires outside the box thinking. Respect and success go hand in hand, you can’t have one without the other…
Cheers Dan
Steve
Yo Stevarino.
The folks you mentioned above doing Leadership poorly….thing is they are not Leaders. They have folks they can push around but those folks are not Leaders.
A Leader has people following them. People with titles who have people who must comply to their wishes are not Leaders. Just titleholder boobs!
I feel we use or some(not me by the way, been there done that)use the word Leader way way way too loosly giving the term to non leaders just because they have a title. Feeling me?
I consider you a Leader, so if what I am saying is something you may feel you have done in the past, stop!!!! Lol
Use the term Leader only to those it applies to. Only folks who have followers are Leaders. People look up to u and giving non leaders cred, calling non leaders Leaders, confuses your followers.
Also give respect first! Good stuff! Just make sure and remind the folks it starts at home, inside each persons head.
I cannot give to others what I have not learned to give myself first. Like u said I can fake it for awhile but a house built on sand.
Plus if I RESPECT me, when others seem not to it is because they do not really know me, not because their assessment of me is spot on!
Cya,
Take care
Deeply Appreciate your service to others including me
SP
EA. ps. I do not really respect me, no number of others is going to convince me I am anything but a big ole terd. I and I believe others are always gonna fall back to our core beliefs about who we are!!! Me I am flat out awesome and amazing and epically effective and massively modest!!! That’ s a fact jack! Umchackalacka!!!! Umchackalacka!!!! Boom!!! Hehe
“Thank you activator”!
Steve
YW, Sgt you help me everytime you write.
Deeply appreciative
Thank you
SP
EA
Thanks SGT. I’m glad you pointed out the idea of admiring people with knowledge. One of the most UN-respectable activities I see is pretending you know when you don’t. I love it when a leader says, “I never thought of it that way,” or some other statement that lets others know they are learning.
People I respect == Learners vs. knowers!
I had dinner with a woman last night who said “I wonder what I’m doing that makes him feel he can treat me like that.” I thought hmmmm. It may have nothing to do with you but, but it’s not a terrible question to ask yourself.
Thanks Karin. It’s a challenging question for sure. I like how you include that it might not be her at all.
Very nice post!
My thought – Even when there aren’t feelings of respect for the individual or situation, common courtesy and the Golden Rule goes a long way in keeping things respectable.
Thanks Dianna. Great advice. Act with respect even if you don’t feel it. They are not the excuse for my poor behavior.
What makes me feel disrespected is when someone asks me a question and as I begin to answer, they talk over me and don’t listen to the answer.
What makes me feel disrespected is when I am giving someone information and they acknowledge it with perhaps a nod and/or ‘uh ha’ but look away as they do in the manner that says, “I am on to my next thought and not really listening to what you just said.”
I feel disrespected when people are constantly late to a gathering I have planned or an appointment.
I feel disrespected when someone tells me, “You won’t know about this,” without even attempting to ask.
Qualities in leaders I respect most are sincerity, communication – both listening and giving information, confidentiality, dependability, humbleness (ability to say they are wrong or that they don’t know something), the quest for knowledge.
I hear you on both fronts: what makes you feel disrespected and what you respect in others. Thanks for putting it so eloquently.
Hey Patti, just a question with all this disrespect stuff you been experiencing?
What is the one common denominator in each of your experiences feeling disrespected?
Right there staring at you is the solution to each of these experiences.
SP
EA
Thanks Patti. YES on all fronts! I hate it when people ask a question they don’t really want to know the answer to. … and all the other stuff you wrote.. 🙂
Hey Patti; Listening, ‘real listening’ is to understand, not to respond. Good listeners are the greatest communicaters
At my father’s funeral some years ago, there were many people in attendance–from farm workers and neighbors, to dignitaries and luminaries. Many spoke on behalf of dad’s contributions and achievements. One of my dad’s best friends was a wino, Tony Zamora–who was bombed and walked his own way up to the altar
and asked if he could say a few words. He said: “Yes, J.J. is all that has been said here this morning. He is also a ‘good man’–what God
says is the highest accolade that can be bestowed on any person. That is what I have to say about J.J..” And then Tony Zamora walked off and left the church.
When I think of respect, I see it personally and professionally as honor (not for what we receive, rather for what we give); goodness (how we make life, living, being, and doing better); grace and graciousness (favor).
Rick;
Thanks for sharing a bit of your personal story. My father went home to be with the Lord in the early 80s. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and apply his life principals in my own life. Thank God for good fathers who are ‘Good Men’!!!
Thanks
Steven
At one end of the same continuum, dad was a tough, hard-driving, no-nonsense, bright guy–who believed college was for lazy persons who wanted to get away from hard work. On the other end, dad was high-touch, loving, communicative, not formally educated but a reader of great books and authors person who inspired all 13 kids to dream of becoming. I was the youngest and loved dad, yet at age 14 I had to run away from home to attend college. I was the first and then others followed suit. Upon my father’s deathbed–his bed of life–he gathered us all and mandated 2 things: 1) Take care of mom; and 2) That we never forget and visit the imprisoned something he always did. That’s respect.
Amen to ‘great-fathers’ Rick…
Thanks Rick! Kapow!!
Love the inclusion of the word honor… but even more, the connection you make with what we give. Powerful
I feel disrespected when I lose my office to a new hire and get put in a cubicle. Makes me want to go into business for myself.
DO!!!!!!!!
Dunkablog. You can do it!!!!
Check out all the free info from Brendon Bruchard.
About 5 years ago he was bankrupt. His company did 4.6 million in the first 18 months. 20 million this year!!!
He helps people do exactly what he did. In the next 5 years 3 billion new customers will be in the intraweb.
Take time on the side and develop to skills to monetize your skill and have something cool for them.
I promise you can do it if you say say!!! “Self, I am going to DO this”!
Your intent starts the ball rolling!
I hope they pissed you off just enough to take the first step.
You have a unique gift to share with the world, promise!!! Find your voice with it, work on getting it cool, then offer it!
I just finished my first product. A workbook on goal setting and enhancing people’s lives. 30 day class with workbook!!!!
I am going to GIVE it away to 12 folks.
Then they get results and I get referrals and testimonies. Then the next group pays 99.95. You know what that’s called??? A Start!!!!! A Plan!!!
A month ago if you told me that I would have told u you were off your rocker.
Now I am just commited to working at it ON THE SIDE while I still have the day job.
Other thing is I got a way to help people retain and comprehend what they want to learn up to 68%!! Guess what? Even though some are too stupid to see how that can benefit them……not everybody is that stupid!!!!!!! In other words helping teach that to people has value!!!! Actually if people would shut up and just do it WHO would not benefit retaining more of what they what they want to learn? Who? Right!!
So learning how to get the word out to folks out in the world is part of he skills I am developing!!!! Facebook, youtube so many ways!!!
Just saying GO FOR IT!!!! Working for others is always most likely gonna suck!!! Admit it and GET BUSY!!! You got 5 years to get good when 3 billion new folks hit the intraweb!! I will be ready, You?
If you decide to go for it let me know if I can help in anyway!!! Just go to youtube and watch all the free stuff Brendon Bruchard has waiting in you!!
SP
EA
Thanks Dunk! Pow!
Going along with the Activator’s thought: To give respect and to get respect–you must be respectable.
Thanks Rick. Yes. Rather than demanding respect, act in ways that deserve respect.
I would like to add respecting the work environment as well. Those who steal, purposely damage, have poor housekeeping, etc. in the workplace, disrespect our shared resources.
Dear Dan,
I do agree and appreciate your observation that people keep engaged in their cellphone, laptops or other devices when invited for some talks or discussions. This clearly shows disrespect towards person invited. I tried to understand why people do that and when I read reasons given by you, it reinforced my feelings. I also feel that looking busy is the sign of showing importance. In other words, people try to show that they are more important than others. They have more responsibility and their time is more important. In all what I felt that such people tend to show more loyalty and attachment towards organizations.While such behavior tend to create differences among people, they tend to be less productive than others. The reason why I say so is that such people know how to create a positive perception among others by showing their more concern towards organizations. And that is why they spend more energy in showing their concerns and less towards working their roles and responsibilities.
And repercussion of such behavior is detachment and hence leads to less harmony, cohesion and team work. Therefore, the overall impact of such behavior is not organizational friendly but it is very well person friendly- one who does it.
Some qualities of leaders who I respect most are- they inspire by their presence, words and actions. Their is alignment of what they are, say and do. Other is their human nature. Irrespective of their position or status, they connect and help others to grow morally. Rest follows automatically.
People who respect you ask: What do you think?
Great article. Thank you. I see respect as a basic requirement for leaders to have. As a leader you need to respect those that follow you: for who they are, not for what they can do for you. Too often in the workplace, people are only interested in what others can do for them, and not in who they are as human beings