Dealing with Destructive Leadership
Wise leaders give and receive correction.
Incompetent leaders tear down and poison relationships.
Correction cp. criticism:
- Correction builds up. Criticism tears down.
- Correction looks to the future. Criticism camps in the past.
- Correction makes something better. Criticism points out what’s wrong.
- Correction is for the advantage of others. Criticism is for personal protection.
Criticism is a relationship killer.
Destructus Maximus:
Critics belong to the genus Destructus Maximus.
Anyone can tear down. It takes insight, skill, and compassion to build up.
You’re a relationship killer if:
#1. You assume people have negative motives. (Yesterday’s post.)
#2. You magnify the faults of others and minimize your own. (Yesterday’s post.)
#3. The last time you affirmed, thanked, or showed appreciation the Wooly Mammoth grazed the ancient plains of the Arctic.
You’re a destructive leader if you haven’t said thank you in 24 hours.
If you think showing gratitude is for weaklings, you’re a relationship killer.
If the thought of showing appreciation to three people today makes your palms sweat, you’re a Destructus Maximus.
Solution:
- Go on daily gratitude walks. No criticism allowed!
- Give personal affirmations to direct reports at least twice a month. Put it on your calendar.
- List the positive qualities of the person you’re meeting with – before you meet with them.
#4. You’re a relationship killer if you haven’t apologized since the Paleo Diet was invented by Fred Flintstone.
You’re a critic if you’re never wrong.
Leaders who use their strengths to evaluate others are critics.
You might need to apologize if:
- Team members are floundering.
- Your organization feels like a funeral.
- You can’t remember the last time you apologized.
Solution:
- Take responsibility for the success of your teams.
- Avoid using the faults of others to justify your own shortcomings.
- Say, “I was wrong,” when you make mistakes.
What do leaders do that poison relationships, teams, or organizations?
How might leaders strengthen relationships?
What simple behavior suggested above might you practice today?
Dan,
The use of “constructive criticism” is the building block of a good organization, the “subordinate criticism” tends to get touchy, especially when you ‘talk down”, so keep it positive with the intentions, “we are growing and building” and keep the rudder steady. Building relationships will get you through tough times when we support each other. Take “Microsoft & Apple” for ex. working together.
Dan,
I love when your posts include “do these now” next steps! You have such profound thoughts that I have never even began to think about, but sometimes I get lost as to how to apply it to my life. When you give the next steps, you help me out tremendously! Thank you!! Also, thank you for the book! Reading it now 🙂
Dan these are really valuable concepts to consider and practice as we work to build positive, successful Teams. As more and more people become fluent in best practices of leadership, we need to shine a bright light on ourselves to be sure we operate with these good practices in all situations, and not just the more public situations. Doing the right thing, even when no one is looking, will always be a good standard to live by.
Dear Dan,
An interesting post & the good comparative analysis of correction and criticism to define the leader type!
Wise leaders always look for opportunities to strengthen the relationship bond with good recognition and public praise. There is no scope for letting subordinates down with anger or abusing. A correction mode is adopted to boost the confidence and explore the hidden potential of individuals. The common thread is an organisation’s goal of excelling in business.
Great post. It is important to understand that you can’t do it alone. That you need the people you work with to get things done. My one-word definition for leadership is “RESPECT.” Respecting people and the talents they bring to an organization is critical to an organization’s (and a leader’s) success.
Leaders poison by having a better than attitude. When this is present they bully people, talk down to them, and they criticize others.
As leaders we can strengthen relationships by lifting up our people and coming along side of them. A mutual respect is a must and a clarity of your intention to help them grow.
I will practice gratitude today Dan!
Thank you for being a leader of leaders!
Leaders who neglect self development as a consequence may hop from one organisation to another hoping to achieve a different outcome. When bad leaders bluff their way through interviews in pursuit of greener pastures, they repeat their bad behaviours from the last organisation and continue to blame everyone else for their failures.
Another idea would be to couple this idea with a tactic Dan offered a long time ago in a post – “When I see you _______, it makes me feel ______. “
Acknowledgement and a simple “Thank You” are very powerful tools in the workplace. They cost little and the reward has the potential to be great. An old boss once said that he learned that for every negative comment he had for any employee, it should be preceded by two positive comments. While a mediocre performance should not be praised, it can be corrected in a way that empowers a team member to improve, rather than criticize and de-motivate them. This ability to correct with support and kindness can be difficult, especially in the face of frustration of a mistake or development failure.
A leader needs to be able to evaluate the situation from all fronts and determine what factors may have led to the current situation. Before offering criticism, or better yet correction, assess to see if a lack of training, preparation, or understanding could have resulted in the outcome. In order to strengthen the relationship with that individual, the leader must provide tools alongside the correction, if necessary, to ensure improvement. In the veterinary field, getting bitten by an animal is a significant safety concern. These situations are sometimes unavoidable, but often with appropriate training and precautions can be circumvented. Instead of getting upset at the employee, the circumstances need to be assessed to see if something could have been done differently. A good leader will determine if more training in handling is needed, more muzzles of a certain size need to be purchased, or if the result couldn’t have been avoided before making corrective recommendations.
Gratitude walks are an excellent suggestion for a leader. These walks could allow leaders to not only take time to calm down, but also to reflect on the strengths of their team, rather than dwell on the faults and mistakes. Taking this time will likely enable leaders to find it easier to say thank you and provide two positive comments to their team before a negative.