Discovering the Two Components of Hope
Those without hope cannot be led.
Hope is the engine that drives success. Despair drives defeat. The overwhelming power of hope is demonstrated in it’s ability to inspire unimaginable endurance. Think of hope gone bad when a wife endures abuse hoping he’ll change.
Wise leaders instill enabling hope that energizes sustained progress toward noble goals.
Inspiring hope:
I asked an emerging leader to describe something that radically changed his life. Without hesitation he said, “My mentor.”
Earlier, he’d expressed passion to change people’s lives. I wanted to explore how his personal story might align with his passion. We sipped coffee and chatted about mentoring.
I wasn’t surprised when the conversation shifted toward disappointments. All leaders live with things they don’t like; things they want to change.
He wished men could better develop manly connections. He wants more manly friendships in his life and in the lives of others. He hadn’t seen it yet, but the two components of hope were at our fingertips.
Falling short:
When I asked what he’d like to do, his answer fell well below his potential. It was safe and from my view, boring. To inspire hope I sprinkled his disappointment over his success. I suggested his story of life-change through being mentored answered his frustration with manly connections. “How could you create environments where men could better connect,” I asked.
Reaching higher:
Hope emerges when disappointments or frustrations connect with successes. He began seeing his story as a high potential platform. I kept saying the things he’d already said. He loved being mentored. He felt disappointed men couldn’t better connect. Hope started bubbling.
Don’t convince others of your hope for them. Let them find their hope for themselves by combining past success with present frustration.
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Has someone inspired your hope? What did they do?
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More on inspiring hope at: “Fixing the Reason Vision Casting Flops”
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Dan:
Many organizations are dysfunctional and often you find people have given up hope and simply do time. It’s sad but terribly common.
Fortunately there are those within organizations that somehow manage to maintain a glimmer of hope in the darkest situations. You see them when change is initiated as they are the first to line up to be a part of it.
I have worked around and with leaders who exude hope in their optimism and passion. They are rare but they are powerful and sometime powerful enough to re-engage the lost sheep.
Always love what you write.
John
Hi John,
For a West Coast guy you sure get up early! Thanks for starting today’s conversation.
Pessimism is one reason those who could do the most good often don’t. Very challenging and practical idea you point out.
You made me think about exuding optimism…saying more positives than negatives…thinking more about solutions than problems…focusing on potential more than failure…
You challenge me to be an “exuder.”
Cheers,
Dan
I always knew I wanted to teach, but I also had a secret dream of becoming a writer. This dream was a secret because every time i ever wrote a theme in high school the teacher gave me a B- minus. How can you claim a dream that has already been ranked as average?
In my first college composition class, Miss Throne, the instructor told us most of her students would fail their first composition. Remember when college profs used to do that? Sure enough she handed out mostly Fs and D- grades on our first effort. The room was quite tense. But then she held up one story with an A and began reading aloud. You guessed it. It was mine.
I don’t approve of her tactics. I don’t believe teachers instill much hope by threatening failure. But that tough teacher saw something in my writing no one had yet seen. It is no accident that I remember her name all these years later. How could a B- writer impress a gal like that? That’s the day I learned that skill in writing is subjective. Miss Throne is the reason I have courage to write today. She doesn’t remember me. But I remember her.
Great teachers give hope to students every day.
Phenomenal!! Thank you
I find the most helpful distinction to be between hope and wishing. I think a lot of what we call hope is actually wishing. Wishing implies a contrary-to-factness about something. The abused person is actually wishing for the abuser to change. Wishing is for birthday candles, magic lanterns, and the first star I see tonight. Wishes “come true.” They’re not something the wisher believes he or she has the power to make true.
Hope is different. Hope says that what you would like to see in the world can actually be on the world, and you can be a part of making that happen. Hope looks at the devastation after a tornado, earthquake, or tsunami and sees not just that the future is possible, but that it will come into being in a way that may be different from what once was, but will be present and real and is likely to be even better.
Hope knows that weeping and wailing endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Hope can be triggered and inspired if it’s not already there by seeing and acknowledging he magnificence that already and always exists within the person you’re talking to and challenging them to see it, too.
And now I’ve gone to preaching’, so I’d best quit while I’m ahead.
Jeanny
Another in a succession of great posts, Dan. Just this morning, a friend told me of how his wife’s “mentor,” when she returned to work after a week when she was out arranging her father’s funeral and all of the tasks/emotions that go with that, immediately launched into accusatory “why hasn’t such and such been done yet” type of language. Ouch.
I think you point out an important nuance to communication, Dan. I know I often lean toward supporting an individual’s current circumstances when I actually have an opening to gently challenge and put that individual’s disappointments in the light of what they can inspire.
For me, I have found that social media and writing have given me openings to deepen relationships with people in whom I can try to inspire a little hope – I know more about the little things of their lives and their relationships, and I have more time to organize my thoughts which helps me be more specific in my responses to their problems and concerns.
One person who instills hope in me by word and example is my friend Margarete Deckert, who at age 78 just ran her 1000th road race. She started running at age 44. She is not a “gushy” over the top individual but she always finds time to give a word of encouragement or advice, and furthermore she is always out there on the race course, giving it her best. That really instills hope without a word being said (More on Margarete here: http://gulfwinds.org/Columnists/Yon%20DY/Democrat/2012-02-24%20Numbers%20Tell%20A%20Story.html)
Dan:
My hope is inspired by my faith. I try to live in the understanding that my life here is temporary and my role is stewardship of gifts, abilities, and relationships. When I am able to keep these thoughts “front of mind and heart,” I am victorious over despair. I am very interested in your emerging leader’s journey: I am writing a book entitled Encouraging Men to Overcome Their Experiences of Discouragement – E.M.O.T.E.D.! In it, the idea of men needing authentic connectedness with one another is a central theme. Thanks for sharing!
-Fred
Well said Fred and can’t wait to read your book. Did you think about including women? 🙂
Dear Dan,
I like the sentence- hope emerges when frustrations and disappointment connect with successes.Hope also emerges when people do not accept circumstances for ever. Hope is optimistic and it always believes in possibility. One category of hope is – inborn hope that is ingrained. And this hope emerges when our will power is dominant than circumstances. It means people with inborn hope dont allow odd circumstances to rule over will power. I agree that situations and persons have inspired my hope. My natural inclination to strengthen my will power creates more hope and persons who are differently abled, oppressed, suppressed, underpriviledged achieve something difficult reinforce my hope. People who do and believe in impossible areate hope. I think the greatest motivator and creator of hope is your attitude, approach and belief towards people, planet and limitations.
Thanks for such a well written article…I think of those that have given me hope in years gone by, and what a profound difference they made for me in my life…and I still can hear what they said today, and try to use the same words of encouragement to others…
Thanks to my wonderul grandparents and camp counselors and Sunday school and elementary school teachers
Hope is inspired by opportunity. Where there is little opportunity, hope is quickly exhausted. As leaders we must try each day to provide to others the opportunities that we can no matter how small. This country was born on opportunity and hope will always be the American Dream.
Great post Dan. “Hope is the cauldron that boils fear and despair to create courage and faith.”
Hope for me is my “ace in the hole” my “open window” my “last chance” and my safety net and parachute. I have been fortunate to have had so many cross my path providing hope and encouragement for all those dark moments we all experience from time to time.
I am blessed to live with the eternal optimist. A person that easily finds solace and comfort in deep wells of frustrations and electrifies a somber space, providing energy to all around her. In my moments of weakness, and hopelessness, that is where I turn.
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