How Judging Blocks Your Best
“The Sage Perspective accepts every outcome and circumstance as a gift and opportunity.”
Shirzad Chamine, author of, “Positive Intelligence.”
Do you find Shirzad’s use of the term “gift” challenging? I don’t want to minimize the tragedies that happen in life. On the other hand, how many times have you heard someone explaining that their tragedy brought out the best in them?
We either spend our energy judging outcomes and circumstances or we see gifts and opportunities.
The ability to see gifts enables us to seize opportunities.
There are many things we can’t control but we can always control responses. For some of us it’s a matter of faith. Circumstances and outcomes express the hand of God. For others, it’s simple wisdom.
Discerning or judging:
Discernment means leaders decide if an outcome reaches the mark. Judging leaders, on the other hand, expend emotional energy pushing things away, rejecting. Shirzad indicated we never stop feeling strong emotions but we can learn to quickly move through them.
The block:
Shirzad explained that, “The Sage explores with great curiosity and openness.” Think of your orientation when you’re judging circumstances rather than seeing them as gifts. Is it open or closed?
Judging is rejecting not exploring.
What happens to you matters less
than your response.
Playing dead:
Is this approach passive resignation? What will be will be? Shirzad said, “Absolutely not.” Your Sage never rolls over and plays dead. In Positive Intelligence, Shirzad explains that the Sage always:
- Innovates and creates.
- Chooses paths that best align with deeper values.
- Takes decisive action. The Judge Saboteur warns against action. The Sage steps out.
“Every outcome and circumstance simply points to the first step toward the next positive outcome.” Shirzad Chamine.
What differences do you see between discerning and judging?
How do you move through pushing things away to finding the next positive step?
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Discerning is a more positive action. Its using forward looking vision, energy and momentum to find the value or lesson in everything that comes our way. It is accepting things for what they are, evaluating them and continuing forward.
Judging we use to keep things away from us, to repel them. This is a negative approach to almost anything.
Judement closes us off to growth. Discernment brings the light of knowledge and truth.
Martina
Martina,
I’m thankful to find you here in the morning and thankful for your insights on discernment and judgement.
I’m thinking that judging and office drama go hand in hand. The office drama we see the less discernment and the more judging is going on… 🙂 for some reason your comment made me think of that.
Best to you,
Dan
I thought of your challenge to name our Judge Saboteur. My pet name as a kid was Butch and while Butch didn’t have a mean bone in his body, he was highly influenced by some very judgmental people. That judgment became internalized and exists today. While Butch is not a negative character, he sits in judgment of Robert based on the early training and “nurture”. So, instead of seeing my judge as universally negative, I’m coming to see it as an aspect of my being that has not been given the chance to adequately grow, develop and mature. Now that I know this, the issue can be addressed, one small step at a time!
Hi Mentor,
Wow… I love how you share your story and where it takes us.
Thank you for adding value today and for being a regular contributor.
Best,
Dan
Thank you, Dan.
In a season in which many have chosen “victim mentality” this provides a positive framework for difficulty as a building tool. Great!
Hi Ken,
Thanks for adding the victim component to this discussion…Great contribution.
Best,
Dan
I remember in Kung-Fu Panda where Master Sifu runs towards the Old Turtle to tell him that the bad guy has escaped. Old Turtle’s response to him was that, “there is no bad news or good news; only news.” I feel that the “Old Turtles” sagely wisdom reflects both the mentality of this post, as well as the Daoist beliefs it roots from.
Though this is an important part of decision making (especially on the crunch), I fear this is a level of emotional and spiritual maturity that most people be able to attain.
Hi Miguelzhou,
One thing that Shirzad made clear during our conversation that, although many faiths include the idea of accepting circumstances as gifts, he didn’t think faith was necessary.
He also pushed back against the passivity that faith can sometimes cause…
Your comment gave me a chance to get those ideas out…
Thank you for sharing your insights…
Best,
Dan
Boy the phrase “judging is rejecting not exploring” is pretty powerful food for thought. It is so true that as soon as we make that judgement we close ourselves off. Great post thank you.
Hi Tina,
Thank you for the good word and for all your contributions.
Sometimes the choice is between open or close.
Cheers,
Dan
Hi Dan,
Thanks for writing about this important distinction, and for sharing some of Shirzad’s thinking here. I agree with everything you’ve excerpted. 🙂 Surprise?
For me, discernment is the cure for judgement. I treat discernment as a verb, it requires that I continue to look deeper, to make ever finer distinctions, to watch for evolution and growth and movement.
When I’m tempted to judge, and I remember discernment, it helps me break through. Somewhere in the beginning of every workshop, I ask for suspension of judgement, and use of active discernment.
And I believe all judging— good or bad or in between—can stop continuing experience unless we stay conscious about it.
Have a great weekend!
I say, accept the fact there will always be “one more thing.” With this mindset, it’s easier to embrace all moments as a learning opportunity.
Hi Steve,
Yup… my pessimist inside says.. don’t be surprised when something doesn’t work.. 🙂 My optimist say…work with it!
Best,
Dan
Love this, Dan… it seems to me that “judging” shuts the brain down – it’s the classic “amygdala hijack”… which in turn prevents the pre-frontal cortex from engaging. “Discerning”, on the other hand, allows the pre-frontal cortex to stay open and allow for the exploration and creation that lead to solutions. In other words, when we ‘judge’ we actually disable our brains. ‘Discerning’ allows us the space to observe AND allow in perspectives and ideas.
I’m admittedly a huge fan of neuro-leadership (gee, can you tell! LoL!)… understanding how our behavior and thoughts manifest themselves, fascinates me.
Hi Rachel,
I’m reading about the great strides and insights that are coming from new brain scan techniques… incredible stuff.
Judging is the easier path – it takes less thought! On the other hand it drains emotional energy.
Cheers,
Dan
“Discernment means leaders decide if an outcome reaches the mark. Judging leaders, on the other hand, expend emotional energy pushing things away, rejecting.” I love this differentiation between the two!!!
I agree with this. It is easier said then done as I find “rejection” is a first response for me. One qoute that keeps me going in what I believe is the right direction, “We can define our lives not by what happens to us but by how we respond” ~Barack Obama
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“Judge Not lest ye be judged”. – Jesus Christ. I think this is what he meant ! The moment one passes a judgement – a judgement is automatically passed on him…. there is no waiting… it is instantaneous.
Covey wrote that our reaction determines 90% of our life. Only 10% happens the rest is our reaction.
Really love the quote, “the ability to see gifts enables to seize opportunities.” Overall a great read. Thanks for sharing!