An Olympic Chairman on Finding Your Voice
I was fortunate to have a conversation with the Chairman and Team Leader of the US Olympic Sailing Program, Dean Brenner. He’s founder of the Latimer Group and recently authored, “Sharing the Sandbox.”
Unexpected:
Interviews with unexpected beginnings often surprise me the most. I had a feeling about Dean so I asked, “When did you realize you were a teacher?” Dean said, “Funny you say that.” He and his wife discuss this very topic. He is a teacher but not in the formal sense.
Complicated:
Eventually, his dad entered the conversation.
Dean said, “I had a ‘complicated’ relationship with my dad. For many years we didn’t speak.”
Dean and his dad were getting to know each other again when his dad died suddenly. His new book, “Sharing the Sandbox,” begins, “To my father…”
Finding his voice:
Dean said, “I remember trying to chime in with the adult conversation at the dinner table. Whenever I misspoke or used poor grammar, dad grilled me in front of everybody.”
Those years were a double edged sword for Dean. They strained his relationship with his father but Dean said, “I learned the value of words and to think before speaking.” Today, Dean is an executive coach, with a focus on public speaking, presentation and communication skills. Dean said,
“I help people find their voice.”
I asked, “How do you help people find their voice?” Dean said,
“I Remind people how great they are.”
Dean went on to share his coaching orientation.
Helping people find their voice:
- Believe nurture matters; it’s not all nature.
- Don’t be directive.
- Ask simple questions.
- Repeat back what you hear.
- Develop tangible steps to clear goals. Coaching is more than a pat on the back.
- Provide tools. Say, “This has worked for others, it may work for you.”
I appreciate the tension between not being directive and providing tools that worked for others.
How do you help people find their voice?
Excellent Dan.
It would seem that helping others find their voice entails using authentic listening skills, rather than talking at them. When we provide a safe environment for people to stretch and grow, they will.
Martina
Thank you Martina.
Always a pleasure. You hit on a central element to success with people…safe environments. People don’t test their wings when someone’s around the corner ready to bash them for any failure.
Oh how I love this question. I’ve taught future teachers for years. Many want to teach, but still are afaid of standing in front of a group and speaking.
I go around my house and pick up small items that I use for props. I hold up one item at a time and talk about how it resembles my life in some way. I model talking about challenging and poignant moments using these props.
Then they (my students) bring in their own small props and describe their lives using them.
We do many, many impromptu exercises throughout the year:
Describe a time when you accomplished something you never thought you could achieve.
Describe a time when you faced a challenge. How did you overcome it?
Tell us about a time when you failed. What did you learn?
Describe people who have encouraged you. Who were they? How did they do it?
What makes you proud?
I could go on and on about this topic. But I have to say one more thing. My parents didn’t correct my grammar. They couldn’t. They didn’t possess or model correct grammar. But my best friend’s father corrected her AND me all the time. It was a wonderful gift he gave me. I eventually was able to grow into an adult and thank him for that gift. Perhaps it was easier to be corrected by a kind man who wasn’t my father.
Dauna Easley
Thank you Dauna.
It’s our privilege and honor to read part of your journey. Very encouraging!
Dear Dan,
I believe that it is the environment that help people to find their voices. Leaders create platform of autonomy, opportunity and appreciation where people feel free to find their voices. Besides, there are circumstances generally beyond the individual controls that provides opportunity.
Circumstances, usually odds, challenges and questions our knowledge and potentials. They eventually forces us to find our voices. I believe that any one who does not face struggle, might not find his or her voices. But those who has faced struggle, may be in better position to find their voices.
Thank you Ajay.
YOu come at this from several interesting and useful angles. Dean’s book and our conversation included one powerful topic you introduce…appreciation. Dean speaks about the power of gratitude for helping people find their voice and develop their leadership.
Wonderful stuff.
Providing tools that work for others, now THERE’s a challenge. Handing our tools over to others *as is* isn’t always helpful. As Dean retells, sometimes you don’t get what you’re learning until much later because it’s not communicated in a manner you understand. Not everyone has that gift of teaching.
Hats of to teachers and coaches who have a knack for talking to others in all manner of different styles.
Thank you Lynn.
I’m delighted you focused on the tools portion of this post. I see your point that what worked for others may not work for everyone. Customization is essential.
I like the motivational aspect of success stories and techniques. The down side is we might simply rip off a technique without considering our own values. When that happens we may succeed outwardly but we lose ourselves in the process.
Have to say I cracked up with direction number 2, don’t be directive. I think I get where he was going with that. My take away is that a coach learns more than s/he talks. They listen, they see, they feel, they absorb and they connect on so many levels, but save the words so that their power is best conveyed. Sort of like that guy that blogs in 300 words or less, you know!
Thank you Doc.
I’d be disappointed if you didn’t find some humor or unusual tangent… Not that you are tangential. (Dang I like that word)
I have to tell you that I can get into motor-mouth-mode with the best. But it’s amazing how people rise up when we shut-up.
Can’t we help them find their voice when they are younger …or make sure they never loose it in the first place? I THINK SO! http://erintarr.com
Thank you Erin.
Great point!
there are only a handful of core skills…. they apply across boundaries and cultures as they are what make us human. Certainly teaching is one.
Thank you Bill.
Helping people find THEIR voice for me is about listening, affirming, challenging, reframing, encouraging, asking questions that draw out their genius…or at least reveal to them additional clarity, their values, and a path.
Best…Jim
Thank you Jim.
You lay out some great steps to help people find their voice. The order of listening – affirming – challenging is beautiful. Affirming opens the door for challenging.