The Surprising Side of Gaining Influence.
You can’t lead people you don’t know. Knowing others means understanding and appreciating not judging.
Humility:
Knowing others is first about you then about others. Humility accepts. Arrogance judges and rejects.
Difference frustrates arrogant leaders.
Everyone should be like them. On the other hand, humble leaders embrace those with different strengths, weaknesses, cultural backgrounds, and ways of seeing, for example.
Humility is the channel of understanding and appreciating others.
Awareness and acknowledgement:
People respect and follow competence. But there’s more. Accepting your weaknesses – something humble leaders do – is an invitation to the strengths of others.
Reluctance to acknowledge weaknesses is arrogance. Pretending you’re something you’re not eventually becomes self-deception.
The first step to knowing others is knowing yourself.
Knowing others:
Influence takes root when others feel known. Enhancing influence includes knowing their:
- Goals both personal and professional. If you want to influence others know what they want.
- Pressures and stresses. Acknowledge them.
- Communication styles. Some need the whole story others just the facts. Some say, “Just give me the punch line.”
- Real and aspirational role in the organization. Know what success looks like from their point of view.
The surprising truth is humble leaders gain influence because they know, understand, and appreciate others.
You can’t make people do things, over the long haul. Humble leaders influence.
Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence.”
What do leaders need to know about those they are leading?
How can leaders get to know others?
Dear Dan,
I agree that leadership is about influence. It influences environment, culture and people. Leadership is also about initiating and inspiring. Leaders start like flame and turn into torch. In fact, leaders know and manage emotions of self and others. So, they are emotionally intelligent. I strongly believe that leaders need to connect with people they deal with. Connecting means knowing others and creating environment where others can feel free to express themselves. By doing this, leaders dig out talents and eventually create more leaders. The beauty of leaders is they create feeling of their presence even in their absence.
I truly agree with you that when people judge, they reject and create fear. When leaders get rid of ego and arrogance, they instils humility. And any leaders with humility is truly a leader. Humility is the core of leadership that connect with people . When leaders connect with people, they make people to connect with their purpose.
As always, thank you Ajay for adding value to the conversation. Today, I’m taking away the insight that leaders create environments where others feel safe to express themselves. I’ve been in environments based on faking, lying, and posturing… everyone guards their speech…they say the “right” things. It’s sad and sick.
Hi Dan,
A great post, thank you for challenging the old belief that leaders must know everything to be successful. To the contrary I believe that the successful leaders are the ones who are comfortable enough to realize that they don’t know everything and surround themselves with competent people who complement them and thus the leader learns and grows as well. Seems like a win/win to me!! I recently read a great book on leading by Foster Mobley Ed.D. titled “Leadersh*t: Rethinking the True Path to Great Leading” and one line in that book struck a cord with me; “Leading is less about what you do and more about who you are.” If you don’t know yourself, how can you honestly know and connect with others? Great people work for and with a leader because they want to, not because they have to.
Have a great Holiday weekend!!
Don
Thanks for your contribution Don. Love the quote. When I started writing Leadership Freak, I thought leadership was about techniques…I soon learned the truth of your statement.
everyone is leader .. leader of what? of theirown life.. if they are aware.. the world is in need of this .. street sweeper is a leader of his job ..he needs to know and enjoy that.. i know people who does that in istanbul turkey they like what they get paid and they are invited to seminars how to improve their reading writing and communication skills and they are giving focus better positions chance to look forward to for the future.. besides retirement security .. when people think in this line they are the leaders are they not..
to be a leader is not to manage and control the others its having long term plan for himself not short term.
we need all leaders for their plans and lives to get together and collaboirate.. be a leader to learn and share what he/she knows with others and constantly get over his/her intimidation fears dealing with others be good and serv ing with balance to self to family to the community … and to the world and still be humble not turn arrogant.. that is the leader model world is wishing to produce from now on.
Nihal, I agree that everyone is a leader… and the first and most difficult person to lead is yourself. Best to you
Dan,
I have discovered that the influence we have comes more from the way we embrace those who work for us or with us than what we attempt to teach them by the words we say.
I recently visited a man who worked under me for twelve years as I managed a small manufacturing business which was sold to a larger corporation three years ago. He was one of my key workers and did an amazing job. As we sat together filling each other in on how our lives had changed over the past three years he made a statement to me that took me by surprise.
He said, ” do you know the reason why I worked all out for you everyday? Curious I asked, Why? He said, It wasn’t the money the company paid me though that was good. It was because you were like a second father to me. Dan, this guy was twelve years older than me!
Embracing people and expressing their value intentionally and often is influence that quietly works and makes an impact far beyond any lecture, seminar or board meeting.
Hi Dan,
This a great list of criteria not just leaders but people in general would need to gain influence. I especially agreed with the “Reluctance to acknowledge weaknesses is arrogance”. People are generally very savvy when it comes to picking up arrogance and it doesn’t get people too far on the creidbility meter, therefore taking away their effectiveness to be persuasive.
The point that I feel gives people the ability to gain influence more than anything though is their actions. A leader can talk and say all the right things until they are blue in the face, but if they don’t make the actions to pack up their words they will loose that persuasive ability fairly quick. In my opinion this is the most important part of gaining the influence with the people that are looking to follow you, wihtout the track record of actions to backup the smooth verbal delivery, that leaders influence will be short lived.
Leadership is influence, not just position. Really appreciate your thoughts on humility, awareness, and acknowledgement. In fact, something I often mention to clients is that one of the most attractive combos of traits a leader can have is the balance of authentic “confidence” and “humility.” These two make for a killer combo!
Great thoughts as always, Dan!
You can recgonize a good leader when you hear someone bad mouthing or complaining about the leader and you know it is not any where near accurate. The leader’s credibility holds because of consistent actions over time and gossips cannot tarnish what they have done and do. Real leaders tend to have very loyal co workers and (I do not like this term but I am drawing a blank) followers.
I have always found that the best leaders I’ve ever had the pleasure to wirk with never had to remind or even tell us they were in charge–their actions spoke to that. Those are the kind of leaders you will run thru a wall for.