20 Ways to Gain the Respect you Deserve
The danger of disrespect is disconnection. You cannot connect with someone you don’t respect.
The power of respect is loyalty.
Leaders receive respect because of position, but lose it because of behavior. Earning it back requires sweat and patience.
10 Ways to lose respect:
- Act like you know when you don’t.
- Keep a bus handy to throw people under.
- Refuse advice.
- Run from tough calls.
- Flop like a fish on the dock.
- Refuse to change your mind.
- Listen only as long as you like what you hear.
- Kiss-up and kick-down.
- Prioritize personal advantage.
- Massage the message to manipulate.
20 Ways to Gain Respect
- Live with an open hand rather than a clenched fist.
- Demand more from yourself than you demand from others.
- Expect excellence.
- Push for results while building relationships.
- Courageously take on challenges with others.
- Let others speak for themselves. Don’t report for subordinates. Bring them to the meeting.
- Apologize. “I was wrong,” builds more respect than, “I told you so.”
- Know and acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses.
- Respect the strengths of others.
- Invite correction, suggestion, and advice. Be a learn-it-all, not a know-it-all.
- Associate with the front-line, not just top dogs.
- Don’t work too hard to be liked. The secret to being liked is liking others. Everyone sees the weakness in neediness.
- Practice kindness. Tough doesn’t have to be harsh. Strength can be tender.
- Take issues seriously. Avoid being off-handed or minimizing challenges.
- Smile, even as you take things seriously. Pessimism never earns respect.
- Ask, “What’s important?”
- Make tough calls after listening but without apology.
- Exercise personal transparency before candor.
- Ask, “Am I proud of myself for acting this way?”
- Ask, “Does this make my team proud of me?”
Bonus: Ask questions before making statements.
Which respect building behaviors do you find most important?
What should be added to the lists of how to lose or gain respect?
I read a recent survey that 70% of people leave their jobs because of poor leadership. I have no doubts that managers practising too much of the first list create that 70%. I would also add in the second list – ‘be comfortable saying No, but make sure you explain why’ and ‘create a culture where people challenge you’. Good post!
Wow! Great adds.
Comfort with “no” takes time, practice, and strength. The tendency to make excuses defeats the benefit of giving explanations. I think there’s a difference.
I just had a conversation with a high level leader in a large organization who said one of her direct reports brought up an uncomfortable topic. I thought, “Now that is great leadership.” Be approachable and even invite challenges. Thanks again.
Yo Andy, 70% of USA workers are led poorly! Never knew that, allegedly!!!
Thanks for sharing that, our existing Leadership Paradigm stinks. Thanks for sharing the stat.
Maybe others at some point will do more than read that number and have it hit them like it has you and me.
For me when I really got it I knew I had to do something about it. How others read that and just mosey along is a great mystery to me.
Better is available whenever. Barry Wehmiller practicing it better than any company I know if. Bob Chapman is strong like bull!!! One of my Hero’s!!
Truly Human Leadership Rocks!!
Oh yeah Andy those 70% also steal 998 billion a year from employers and have a 30% greater chance of coronary disease. Pitiful that does not make every person who reads that hurl.
Scott – I think you misunderstood Andy’s quote (or Andy misquoted). 70% of us working in jobs in this country do not have poor leadership (that would be really dismal, indeed). I believe it’s that 70% of people that quit their jobs, give the reason as poor leadership. I’ve heard another way of saying that is that “people don’t leave companies, they leave bosses.” That, I believe.
Hi Randy, Thanks!!!!!, the quote I read actually says 70% of people leave their jobs everyday feeling like no one cares about them.
No matter how it is said the bottom line to me is this, our Leadership philosophy of profit over people is a dead bang loser. It will never work long term, in my opinion. You tell me, 17 trillion in debt, government deadlocked, kids 24 in math, 36th in science, teachers tenured, politicians with no term limits, CEO with huge golden parachutes.
That smell like victory to you? If not join me and do not be like others who come up from the basement after the tornado, see everything gone and just say everything is grand. Either that or just stick their heads in the sand. Delusional or apathetic, two lousy choices. Please Randy don’t be like them.
Everything has its time under the sun. Profits over people is dead. Only some folks don’t get it. They will.
More and more as time goes on more greed will prove it doesn’t work.
Not to get too deep and run on too long but we are entering the 4th Dimension of existence. Google it. Service to others is going to be like a gravitational pull and greed ain’t a part of that. Can’t work, gonna be going against gravity in a way.
Ok enough but thanks. Just remember the moral if the story Randy. Profit over people dead and I strongly suggest if you are listening to anyone who thinks differently and thinks they are a Leader you stay as far away from them as you are able to. They will change or die on the vine.
Thanks again for sharing your insight and straightening out the quote. My moral doesn’t have to be yours but hope I clearly stated it.
Scott – I appreciate your passion. Thanks for clarifying the quote (I didn’t actually look it up to find the source). What I do everyday is lead my small team in a way that makes them feel valued and it is my hope that at the end of everyday they feel cared for. My big take-away from business school was that business is a fictitious entity – it’s really just people doing processes. If you fail in the relationship side, you can forget about the profits. So we share the same moral.
I agree with you. I am, more or less, done with the corporate world because of the poor level of leadership that I find there.
It is easy to lose respect. Difficult to earn it. When people respect you for you, and not for your position, then it is something you get for life
It’s easy to become disillusioned with organizations when we see leaders who act in ways that destroy respect. If we aren’t careful, the poor behaviors of others lead us to engage in self-sabotage.
Great and colorful list. I would add, it’s not too late to change. If you find yourself exhibiting any of these habits… make a plan and work on it. I recently saw a leader who had lost much respect due to many of the behaviors on this list. He got a lot of feedback, got a coach, and worked on changing. Every now and then old behaviors slip through… but he’s gained huge respect, because everyone sees how hard he is working to lead more effectively. The team is calmer and more productive.
I see your compassion in the “never too late” comment. Compassion is a powerful quality that takes leaders far. I’m glad your compassion came out today.
“Everyone sees” We can’t underestimate the power of being sure that everyone knows what we are working to improve. It’s a great way to earn respect, as long as we are making some progress and not making excuses.
Great list. Great information. Teamwork wins!
Power of respect is loyalty is true. Unless one possess such loyalty, one can not expect from others. It is also true people can get respect out of position but lose out of behavior. It clearly shows that to gain respect, behavior is the critical component. I find loyalty to ones responsibility and behavior is the most important to gain respect.
There are many important components that influence respect. Reliability and being a person of integrity is the significant traits to gain respect . Additionally.respect also includes civility, courtesy, decency, dignity, tolerance, acceptance and autonomy.
It means any person having such traits get respect. And pretending to have such traits can result into losing respect because people will come to know the reality.
Tons of insight in your comment. I particularly enjoyed the idea that authenticity – not pretending – is central to gaining respect.
Number 7 is absolutely correct in gaining respect. Many people are stunned when you apologize, they are not used to that. In the same regard, with number ten, have the confidence to say “I don’t know, I’ll have to check on that.” It’s much better to admit to not knowing everything that trying to blow smoke.
It’s funny that the strategies we employ to manipulate respect are the very things that destroy respect. We try to look like we know because we think it enhances our respect. But pretending only undermines respect.
Great list of 20 things, Dan, with a lot to think about.
One way to gain respect is not to seek it. Do care about others. Do care about self-improvement and learning, about being an example, about being mission-focused. Don’t care about what others think of you, unless their negative feedback is deserved. Accept with thankfulness, then stop dwelling on, compliments and awards.
I believe you. A person who doesn’t need respect but behaves in respectable ways is the most respectable person of all.
Lots of meat in your short comment.
I appreciate all the insights, great post. I truly believe to gain respect you must first give respect
Great add. Its so true. I respect that comment. 🙂
Ways to lose respect–take the credit, when you didn’t do the work, (and even if you did some of the work, don’t take the credit) and pass/disown the blame (when you are ultimately responsible, no matter what).
A good way to gain respect–listen more and listen well. Not respond, not espouse…just listen.
Would add that there also is that exponential ratio that one bad experience negates five positive, same might be true of disrespect/respect…
Those last 6 words in your second paragraph are what kick me in the pants. Just listening is so against my nature…but, as you indicate, is so powerful.
I hadn’t thought of the ration of good to bad experiences. What ever it is, we know that one good never erases one bad of equal value. Best thing to do is NOT lose trust because gaining it back is so hard.
There is a timely-ness (is that a word?) component in this also.
Timing feels more subjective – but often critical – people are encouraged (or damaged) in real time!
…Their respect is built (or diminished) in the same way.
I got the feeling that things like dealing with situations both good and bad as close to when they occur is a great way to build respect… good one.
This is a great list. I think I’ve managed to identify situations that align with most of the tips. The top list kills organizations and the bottom list does everything to augment organizations. Great content!
What a great list Dan. So well put together. Thank you:)
Great list Dan, The only thing I question is your statement right at the start – “Leaders receive respect because of position”. Leaders may ‘expect’ to be respected because of their position but surely respect is something that one earns as a result of your behaviours and the way you treat others. Authority comes with position, respect comes with the person.
It’s a pretty good list Dan! Also let people do the job you hired them to do, trust their expertise, give them authority along with responsibility.
Everyone sees” We can’t underestimate the power of being sure that everyone knows what we are working to improve. It’s a great way to earn respect, as long as we are making some progress and not making excuses.