How to Lead Like Ellen DeGeneres
Negative focus creates negative environments. But, successful leaders build energizing environments.
Your primary influence is the environment you create.” Peter Senge
Lead like a comedian:
Comedians influence others.
Leadership is influence.
Learn about influence from comedians.
Rituals:
Ellen DeGeneres dances her way up and down the aisles and through the audience, every TV episode. You know it’s coming. Then boom, she’s dancing. Her moves are similar, but not quite the same.
Rituals establish predictability – predictability enables connection.
4 benefits of leadership rituals:
- People feel like they belong when they know what’s coming next.
- Predictability relieves anxiety.
- Established patterns of behavior free minds to concentrate elsewhere.
- Leaders who follow
- Predictable patterns make you feel trustworthy.
Uppers and downers:
Problems and challenges litter the leadership landscape. Something’s always wrong. That’s leadership. People come to you when things aren’t working.
Offset darkness with uplifting rituals.
Fun is better than grumpy.
Ritual of gratitude:
Make gratitude a ritual. Drop in on direct reports and say, “Thank you.”
- Name something they’ve done and say, “Thanks.”
- Name a character quality and say, “You’re awesome.”
- Explain how they’re making a difference and say, “Keep up the great work.”
7 ritual tips:
- Do it *every* day.
- Relax and take an extra minute that says, “This exchange matters.”
- Establish eye contact.
- Smile.
- Try it at the end of the day, before they go home. (Every day)
- Figure out your exit strategy. You may feel awkward, at first. What line will you use to get out of their office?
- Do the same thing every day, but not quite the same.
What positive leadership rituals might you suggest?
What leadership qualities do you see in comedians? In Ellen DeGeneres?
Read Facebook responses to: “The Leadership qualities of Ellen DeGeneres include ________.”
What leadership qualities do you see in comedians?
One of my personal faves is Brian Regan. Comedians have a special knack for calling out the downright ridiculous and rather awful ‘truths’ of our humanity in a way that we can easily agree with. They give us permission and create a safe enough space (in the ones I’ve seen anyway) for us to laugh at ourselves that allows us to bypass that harsh inner critic….sometimes… : )
Thanks Samantha. Great comedians deal with the big/tough issues of our time in ways that draw us in. They say things others don’t dare say. Glad you brought this up. What a great skill.
I feel so glad reading this post! It Validates… I have been doing this ritual for the past 3+ years now…
As soon as I reach my desk and docked, I walk across to every ones desk in my team exchange couple of words mostly non-work related and work related if they bring it up or there is some thing that needs immediate attention else the chat can be anything from gadgets, to nice dress, to common interests/hobbies, something in the news……..
Once one of them told, me that the team has actually discussed about this ritual and many of them look forward to this chat every day…
Thanks ajitbhimesh. An affirmation is a thing of beauty. Best for the journey.
Yea humor rocks!!
Dear friend of mine helped me in this area a ton!!
Her name was Liz and we saw each other at AA meetings 5 times a week for years.
After we got to know each other fairly well everytime I got to the meeting I would go and say Hi!
She would always greet me the same way.
She would say, “Scott, you have got to learn to laugh at yourself, everyone else is”.
Yeah for an egomaniac with an inferiority complex that was good advice!!
The other nugget that goes along with it is, “Don’t worry about what other people think about you, cause they rarely do”!!!
Yeah AA is the greatest place for practical, real world, no bs wisdom. From real people, not stuffy shirted ego crazed bloviaters who speak in theory not experience!!!
SP
EA
Thanks Scott. Love the humor. It takes real skill to wrap a nugget of truth in humor and not come off like an idiot.
So true Dan and if I ever develop that skill will humbly let you know ASAP!! Hehe
SP
EA
Love this post! My entire team was relocated almost a year ago. I knew the transition was difficult for some and started a ritual of stopping at each one’s desk every morning and having a brief conversation about anything – last night’s game, celebrity gossip, anything. I saw results almost immediately and have continued the tradition. If I walk into a crazy morning, I make it a point to do my walk and talk as soon as I can and usually share what kept me from my normal morning routine. I always get people saying, “We were wondering what happened to you this morning.” There’s another ritual that someone shared with me a few years ago that I follow and has had a huge impact on my team. When my team or someone on my team does something for me personally or really goes above and beyond, I write a thank you note and mail it to their home. Even after the fifth or sixth time, I have people telling me how much they appreciated my note. Small gestures done routinely can have a major impact on team morale and we all know what happens when staff is happy and engaged.
Thanks Sarah. As I read your comment, I thought, how easy positive rituals are and how much benefit everyone enjoys because of them. Thanks for sharing your story.
I’m on a rather scattered team and would love to hear how others have found connection rituals for remote workers. I know IM is one possibility.
Great question James.
Well JM I will take a shot!!!!! If Whys are connected, trust emerges. If trust is there, then when communicating with others is not hampered by geography.
If you are truly interested in influencing and persuading others there are 6 shortcuts to be mastered. If Whys not connected nothing will really work, Simple as that!!!!
Video on youtube free. Dr Robert Cialdini. Video called the Science of Persuasion. He has only been studying this stuff over 30 years so he may know more than you. If he does and you decide to commit to learning what he teaches then you can enhance your skills of influencing and persuading others.
First shortcut, the Law of Reciprocity, do something for others and they slightly feel obligated to return the favor.
By itself, no biggie but combined with the other 5 shortcuts….
When you master them be ethical when you decide what you want people to do is all I am gonna say…..
If that helps ya, great!!!!! Only way it won’t is if you do not Master the skills Dr Cialdini teaches.
Great thing about that video….audio and visual. And FREE!!!! Hands down best format to learn anything. Using two senses in the learning process is better than using one!!! We grew up learning with one sense tied behind our heads!!!
Decide today onward I will learn using two senses instead of one cause retention and comprehension goes up as high as 68% when combined!!!!
That is what I am talking about, turn around kiss myself!!! Hehe
Also want to get folks to really love you, just continuously exhaustively ask them about their favorite subject…..them!!!!
SP
EA
The key to this is that the ritual involves relationships. Establishing and maintaining relationships that are personal and meaningful validates the employee (and leader) as a person, not just as the role they play in the company. This is so important in schools, businesses, churches, etc. I love Ellen not just because she’s funny, but she cares about people and models how we need to take care of each other and recognize those who make a difference.
Thanks Vicki. Wow! Thanks for adding relationship to ritual. Clarity adds power.
Positive leadership rituals…?
How about just coming in on time, the same time each day. I have known managers who apparently felt that because they were the manager, they didn’t need to be in on time (and left early). This was noticeably demoralizing to the staff. When the manager is there at the same time and on time (or early), the staff will usually follow suit.
How about deciding I don’t care when the manager Dude or Dudess shows up???
This way whenever they show up I am happy to see them?
In the AA Big Book the greatest book ever written concerning the human condition, it says, not quoting, just paraphrasing…I can choose to be concernwed with what needs to be changed about me and my attitudes cause that is all I can change and not what needs to be changed in others which frankly is none of my business.
If I am only upset if I am upsetable then take away the upset button in me and others cannot upset me.
If I am upset I am not a victim, I am a volunteer.
I am the Master of my Emotions, or not!
What happens is not the issue, it is the story I tell myself what it means that matters to me. I am the author of my own stories and till I own that I am a reactor, not a responder.
Good day,
SP
EA
Thanks pmaddams! Once again, simple rituals make a big difference. While writing this post, I thought about parking in the same spot, perhaps, across the parking lot to set an example. Your comment fits in the context of modeling behaviors.
I enjoyed reading your post! As a PR student, this is information I can apply both in the classroom and in future career endeavors. These rituals have the ability to positively improve work environments and create happier employees. Although I have not joined the work force just yet, I am looking forward to applying these rituals to my next group meeting. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Jessica. I appreciate your encouragement. Best wishes in your education.
Simple, powerful concepts. In the end I feel it comes down to what makes our hearts happy… now provide that feeling for your neighbor. Great breakdown, some great points to keep in the back of our minds. Thanks Dan, very thankful I found your site.
this is great, Dan. I saw this on Twitter and jumped over. as someone who graduated from two improv classes, I completely agree with this premise. I’ve made it a point to also make physical (and non-threatening, of course) contact with people as a regular practice—to bolster the connection.
I see your point — she demonstrates a great entertainment skill, and creates rituals that people can predict and enjoy. But I don’t think that’s why she’s a good leader. I would argue that Degeneres is a great leader, not because she’s a great comic and entertainer, but because she stands for so much more than entertainment — GLBT rights, meaningful conversation, animal rights, respect for healthy food (vegan practices) and women’s entrepreneurship. Yes, let’s learn from comedians like her, but let’s not diminish their ability to lead by saying they’re successful because they create fun rituals and have a positive presence. That’s a tactic for entertaining, and although we communicate better when know how to entertain and encourage folks, that in itself is not leadership.
Degeneres is a leader because she has created a public presence that has given her power — built authentically on who she is, built persuasively on her skill as an actor/comedian, and built steadily with strategic, lucky persistence in her professional aspirations. (Check out my blog (<a href="leadershipspirit.wordpress.com") for more thoughts about this.
Thanks for the provocation, LF. I always learn a lot from you — and am sometimes, as with this post, inspired to dive deeper!