I Hate Manipulators

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The issue isn’t what you want. All leaders want the same thing, results. You can’t lead until you define desired results.

Results drive everything leaders do.

In the tension between getting results and building relationships, results take priority. Results are the goal. Relationships are the method.

Once you determine results, focus on relationships.

Relationships produce results.


Relationships seem manipulative if results are the goal.

I hate being around people who are always looking for an angle. I find them small and offensive. I smell their stink within the first few sentences out of their mouths. When my “manipulator radar” goes off, my guard goes up. Manipulators:

  1. Size you up.
  2. Ask, “What’s in it for me.”
  3. Hide true intentions.

I feel like I have to protect myself from manipulators.

Balancing results and relationship:

  1. Be transparent. Declare yourself and see if they reciprocate. Relationships include reciprocity.
  2. “It’s just business,” is an excuse to violate a relationship. Never say it. Never believe it.
  3. Embrace the genius of “and.” Develop relationships and pursue results.

I want to build relationships with those around me for two reasons. First, I genuinely want to know people. But there’s something more. I want to know you so I can enhance results. If I know you I can:

  1. Help you leverage your strengths.
  2. Find ways for you to connect and fit in.
  3. Give my talents, skills, and perspective to you in ways that make sense to you.

The line between manipulation and relationship is intention.

Manipulators seek their own best interests while pretending they seek yours. Your success threatens them. Relationship based leaders seek your best interests. Your success invigorates them.

Relationship based leaders aggressively seek results and sincerely build relationships.

How do you balance the tension between relationship and results?

Next week’s best free opportunity to develop your leadership is a FREE – Live conference call with bestselling author, Dr. Henry Cloud. Dr. Henry Cloud: Set Boundaries – Extend Results, on April 3 at 1:00 p.m. ETINFO

Dr Henry Cloud with quote