12 Ways to Find Your Confidence



Lack of confidence is the dirty secret in top leaders. Insecure leaders often cover insecurities with strutting. Cocky is compensation for lack of confidence.

Cocky is phony confidence.

Puffing up, putting down, posturing, excuse making, and negative comparisons express – lack of confidence – cockiness.

The need to feel superior means you aren’t.

Confidence vs. Cocky

  1. Invites in – Pushes away.
  2. Inspires – Insults.
  3. Relaxed – Stressed.
  4. One of – One above.
  5. Lifts up – Pushes down.
  6. Accepts – Rejects.
  7. Releases – Controls.
  8. Belonging – Alone.
  9. Joy – Fear.
  10. Transparent – Phony.

See: The difference between arrogance and confidence is _______, on Facebook. (Great insights from readers)


Relational impact is the reason you care about cockiness.

Effective leaders connect. Cocky leaders disconnect, close doors, and shut out.

Confident leaders explore, learn, develop,
and grow in the context of community.

Finding confidence:

  1. Reflect on and embrace your beliefs.
  2. Reject cocky behaviors. When you feel like pushing others away, pull in, for example.
  3. Focus on giving more than getting.
  4. Accept your strengths and weaknesses.
  5. Develop experience.
  6. Adopt a learners attitude.
  7. Admit mistakes without excuse and commit to improve.
  8. Hold your ground, kindly.
  9. Separate performance from intrinsic value.
  10. Smile.
  11. Plan. Develop first responses to unanticipated questions. Say, “I’m not sure of the answer, let me get back to you,” for example.
  12. Share insecurities with friends. Bringing insecurities into the light often weakens them.

Bonus article: “10 Powerful Strategies to Build Your Confidence

How can leaders find confidence?

keynotes and workshops