Complaints Kids Make about Mom and We Make about Managers
The hardest part of having a mom is coming to grips with her frailties and mistakes.
Kid complaints about mom:
- You won’t let me do anything.
- You don’t love me.
- You’re mean.
- Nothing I do is ever good enough.
- You like Johnny more than me.
One of the hardest parts of having a boss is coming to grips with his/her mistakes and frailties.
Complaints about managers:
Incompetence enjoys intervention, but competent employees resent meddling bosses. “Get out of my business.”
The toughest people to manage:
- Overconfident incompetence.
- Incompetence that resists intervention.
Your manager may have earned her position because she can do your job better than you. Now she has to learn to give you space to improve while being pressured to hit the numbers by higher ups.
#2. Expecting people to conform to company standards.
I just chatted with a manager who has employees that resist using new technology. He’s learning about being tough on standards and tender with people. (Thanks, Doug Conant, for that insight.)
He doesn’t want to be “mean.”
The perception of favoritism creates resentment and resistance.
The fear of favoritism prevents managers from properly honoring exceptional performance.
Mom might like everyone to win, but in the real world you probably aren’t the best at anything. (Unless you constantly find someone incompetent as a standard of comparison.)
Negative experience, positive impact:
Mom’s frailties and mistakes influence her children. Perhaps you grapple with the impact of an abusive mom. Maybe she yelled at you.
Learning to thrive in an imperfect world – without affirming it – is key to success.
- Learn what NOT to do.
- Assume a learner’s posture. How will “injustice” make you better?
- Bring your best when you’re misunderstood and under-appreciated.
How might we gain advantage from the mistakes and frailties of others?
The Top Complaints from Employees about Their Leaders (HBR)
The Most Frustrating Things a Boss can Do (LinkedIn)
The Top 10 Complaints Employees have about their Managers (Forbes)
Humans in general follow the same guidelines “its our built in mechanism”. We all have the caveat that we know more then others, jump higher, scream louder, punch harder, run faster, etc.
The reality of our life’s lessons from Mom’s to Dad’s or caregivers is the directions they give us is to enhance our journey as not to duplicate their mistakes! The school of “hard knocks” Dad labeled it, and Mom’s could extend that lesson with a wooden spoon, followed by wait till your Father gets home!
I believe the truth of it all is that “we all want better for others” so they don’t have to experience life’s challenges, trials, tribulations and the way they did. Such as growing up in “the great depression”! Survival of the fittest, the true grit of making in against all odds.
Happy Friday, Stay safe!
Good seeing you Timothy. The thing that hits me in your comment is motivation. Assume a good motivation until you have clear evidence that someone is intentionally malicious. Be well
Absolutely Dan without motivation we cease to exist. Cheers
I was fortunate to have a great mother. She was affirming, supportive, and provided unconditional love. I think the best managers and leaders have similar traits and characteristics.
When my students complain about their managers, I ask and say:
1. What are you going to do about it? You can change your behavior–but you can’t change your manager’s behavior.
2. You know—-there are no perfect bosses—–just like their are no perfect employees. Would your boss say you are the perfect employee?
Assume positive intent—most managers are doing the best they can.
Continuous improvement–we (managers and employees) can all improve if the motivation is there.
Thanks Paul. Your reference to the growth mindset is so helpful both to moms and kids. The central quality for growth is “what are we learning?” See Carol Dwek’s “Mindset“
Hi Dan – whether someone is positive or negative, we can learn lessons from them. You highlight the importance of what not to do. I think we all have our leadership and management style so other styles may not fit within our capacity or personality. In my early days, I struggled to allow people to fail – sometimes, you have to let people fail in order for them to learn lessons. In comparative lenses, we can reflect on our perceptions of our mothers and see why we are who we are – our experiences, loss, success, and failures. Looking at life as the glass is half full, I see the importance of helping others to that same realization. Together, we can learn more about one another.
Thanks Kishla. It seems if we don’t learn from negative experiences we miss a lot. 🙂
We have a friend who has a line that goes something like this: “It’s a terrible waste to have an experience and miss the meaning of it.”
Parent not mom please!
Thanks Colette. I’ve adopted the approach that men and women are different from each other. Diversity is meaningless if men and women are the same. With that in mind, I’m glad to focus on women, especially as Mother’s Day approaches.
Having said that, thanks for jumping in.
I like to remind employees that managers are people too. They have flaws just like everyone else. Approach your manager with what’s bothering you but in a kind way. A good manager will appreciate the feedback. A bad manager won’t. A terrible manager will hold it against you. Those are the ones you want to leave. Unlike moms, you can walkaway from a bad one.
Thanks Lucille. LOL… you can’t walk away from mom, even if you want to. She always influences you. 🙂
It’s interesting to me that imperfect people seem to feel free to point out the imperfections of others, even as they tolerate or makes excuses for their own.
Two days before Mother’s Day and your post is about mothers, a role which you never held and never will, and their weaknesses. Not to mention during a national crisis in which work and family burdens have grown exponentially. Please be sure to post a similar treatment on June 19.
Exactly the expected response. Happy mother’s day!
Thanks for jumpingin CJ. If I said anything that insults mom’s I apologize.
Thanks Mr. Dan for your post
Learning what NOT TO DO, and I must add and NOT TO SAY will help us in this imperfect world. I know it has helped me ! As we mature in life we must develop self control over our emotions and how we respond to others. It is evitable that someone will say and do something we dislike, everyone will always remember how you respond to a situation.
Bring your best when you’re misunderstood and under-appreciated- This can be applied in every aspect of our lives. Being a mother or in the corporate world we are all imperfect and we are all misunderstood and definitely we are under appreciated. Instead of focusing on the value of being under-appreciated, I have to learn to focus on my purpose. As a mother my children will never be able to repay me for all that I have sacrificed for them. The time, money, and tears. So I have learned to focus on being the best mother that God has called me to be, regardless of what they give me in return. In the corporate world, I focus on my purpose- providing the best health care to my patients, giving the best bedside manners that I can and showing my concern for the person and their families, NOT the task at hand. This is what allows me to sleep at night, knowing that I have given the best I can give to any situation or person
Thanks NL… I have to say that your suggested response to feeling under-appreciated really speaks to me.
I would have said, if you feel under-appreciated, show more appreciation to others. But you said, connect with purpose. I think that is so much deeper.